Jack Benny

Born: February 14, 1894

Die: December 26, 1974

Occupation: Comedian

Quotes of Jack Benny

Jack Benny

If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

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Jack Benny

Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.

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Jack Benny

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

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Jack Benny

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

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Jack Benny

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

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Jack Benny

Gags die, humor doesn't.

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Jack Benny

Modesty is my best quality.

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Jack Benny

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

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Jack Benny

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

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Jack Benny

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

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Jack Benny

Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

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Jack Benny

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

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Jack Benny

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

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Jack Benny

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

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Jack Benny

I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate it's when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them.

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Jack Benny

I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.

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Jack Benny

I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers.

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss