Jerome K. Jerome

Born: May 2, 1859

Die: June 14, 1927

Occupation: Writer

Quotes of Jerome K. Jerome

Jerome K. Jerome

You can always tell the old river hand by the way in which he stretches himself out upon the cushions at the bottom of the boat, and encourages the rowers by telling them anecdotes about the marvellous...

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Jerome K. Jerome

It's really extraordinary what a variety of ways of loving there must be. We all do it as it was never done before.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Love is too pure a light to burn long among the noisome gases that we breathe, but before it is choked out we may use it as a torch to ignite the cozy fire of affection.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Life is a thing to be lived, not spent; to be faced, not ordered. Life is not a game of chess, the victory to the most knowing; it is a game of cards, one's hand by skill to be made the best of.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid's knee.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I had walked into that reading-room a happy, healthy man. I crawled out a decrepit wreck.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It is a curious fact, but nobody ever is sea-sick - on land. At sea, you come across plenty of people very bad indeed, whole boat-loads of them; but I never met a man yet, on land, who had ever known at...

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Jerome K. Jerome

Harris said, however, that the river would suit him to a "T." I don't know what a "T" is (except a sixpenny one, which includes bread-and- butter and cake AD LIB., and is cheap at the price, if you haven't...

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Jerome K. Jerome

Better to work and fail than to sleep one's life away.

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Jerome K. Jerome

In the future there are going to be no pretty girls, for the simple reason there will be no plain girls against which to contrast them. Of late I have done some systematic reading of ladies papers. The...

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Jerome K. Jerome

I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.

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Jerome K. Jerome

When a man or woman loves to brood over a sorrow and takes care to keep it green in their memory, you may be sure it is no longer a pain to them.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs.

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Jerome K. Jerome

A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it.

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Jerome K. Jerome

(Speaking of the Cistercian monks) A grim fraternity, passing grim lives in that sweet spot, that God had made so bright! Strange that Nature's voices all around them--the soft singing of the waters, the...

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Jerome K. Jerome

I also think pronunciation of a foreign tongue could be better taught than by demanding from the pupil those internal acrobatic feats that are generally impossible and always useless. This is the sort...

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Jerome K. Jerome

There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one.

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Jerome K. Jerome

He is very imprudent, a dog; he never makes it his business to inquire whether you are in the right or the wrong, never asks whether you are rich or poor, silly or wise, sinner or saint. You are his pal....

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Jerome K. Jerome

That the boat did not upset I simply state as a fact. Why it did not upset I am unable to offer any reason. I have often thought about the matter since, but I have never succeeded in arriving at any satisfactory...

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Jerome K. Jerome

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.

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Jerome K. Jerome

After a cup of tea (two spoonsful for each cup, and don't let it stand more than three minutes,) it says to the brain, "Now, rise, and show your strength. Be eloquent, and deep, and tender; see, with a...

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Jerome K. Jerome

I love the chill October days, when the brown leaves lie thick and sodden underneath your feet ... the evenings in late autumn time, when the white mist creeps across the fields, making it seem as though...

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Jerome K. Jerome

We drink [to] one another's health and spoil our own.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It takes 3 girls to tow always; two to hold the rope, and the other one runs round and round, and giggles.

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Jerome K. Jerome

We like, we cherish, we are very, very fond of—but we never love again.

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Jerome K. Jerome

In the church is a memorial to Mrs. Sarah Hill, who bequeathed 1 pound annually, to be divided at Easter, between two boys and two girls who "have never been undutiful to their parents; who have never...

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Jerome K. Jerome

The odour of Burgundy, and the smell of French sauces, and the sight of clean napkins and long loaves, knocked as a very welcome visitor at the door of our inner man.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I could not conjure up one melancholy fancy upon a mutton chop and a glass of champagne.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It seems to me so shocking to see the precious hours of a man's life - the priceless moments that will never come back to him again - being wasted in a mere brutish sleep.

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Jerome K. Jerome

A glass of wine often makes me a better man than hearing a sermon.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do. It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Conceit is the finest armour a man can wear.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I will not take up your time, dear boy, with telling you what is the matter with me. Life is brief, and you might pass away before I had finished. But I will tell you what is NOT the matter with me. I...

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Jerome K. Jerome

Cultivate," I said, "a sense of humor. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I want a house that has got over all its troubles; I don't want to spend the rest of my life bringing up a young and inexperienced house.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Five thousand people in one society might do something, but five thousand societies of one member each would be a holy trouble.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I respect the truth too much to drag it out on every occasion.

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Jerome K. Jerome

What the eye does not see, the stomach does not get upset over

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Jerome K. Jerome

There may be a better land where bicycle saddles are made of rainbow, stuffed with cloud; in this world the simplest thing is to get used to something hard.

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Jerome K. Jerome

We must not think of the things we could do with, but only of the things that we can't do without.

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Jerome K. Jerome

We want everything. All the happiness that earth and heaven are capable of bestowing. Creature comforts, and heart and soul comforts also; and, proud-spirited beings that we are, we will not be put off...

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Jerome K. Jerome

Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends, worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe...

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Jerome K. Jerome

I did not intend to write a funny book, at first. I did not know I was a humorist. I have never been sure about it. In the middle ages, I should probably have gone about preaching and got myself burnt...

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Jerome K. Jerome

Some people are under the impression that all that is required to make a good fisherman is the ability to tell lies easily and without blushing; but this is a mistake. Mere bald fabrication is useless;...

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Jerome K. Jerome

Life will always remain a gamble, with prizes sometimes for the imprudent, and blanks so often to the wise.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It is in our faults and failings, not in our virtues, that we touch one another and find sympathy. We differ widely enough in our nobler qualities. It is in our follies that we are at one.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Being poor is a mere trifle. It is being known to be poor that is the sting.

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Jerome K. Jerome

If you are foolish enough to be contented, don't show it, but grumble with the rest; and if you can do with a little, ask for a great deal. Because if you don't you won't get any.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Swearing relieves the feelings - that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't answer with her. She said I had no business to have such feelings.

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Jerome K. Jerome

If there is one person I do despise more than another, it is the man who does not think exactly the same on all topics as I do...

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Jerome K. Jerome

I don't know why it should be, I am sure; but the sight of another man asleep in bed when I am up, maddens me.

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Jerome K. Jerome

The world must be rather a rough place for clever people. Ordinary folk dislike them, and as for themselves, they hate each other most cordially.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Opportunities flit by while we sit regretting the chances we have lost, and the happiness that comes to us we heed not, because of the happiness that is gone.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Ambition is only vanity ennobled.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I can see the humorous side of things and enjoy the fun when it comes; but look where I will, there seems to me always more sadness than joy in life.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Nothing is more beautiful than the love that has weathered the storms of life. The love of the young for the young, that is the beginning of life. But the love of the old for the old, that is the beginning...

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Jerome K. Jerome

What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.

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Jerome K. Jerome

The weather is like the government, always in the wrong.

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Jerome K. Jerome

We are so bound together that no man can labor for himself alone. Each blow he strikes in his own behalf helps to mold the universe.

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Jerome K. Jerome

People who have tried it, tell me that a clear conscience makes you very happy and contented; but a full stomach does the business quite as well, and is cheaper, and more easily obtained.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.

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Jerome K. Jerome

One we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Time is but the shadow of the world upon the background of Eternity.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It is easy enough to say that poverty is no crime. No; if it were men wouldn't be ashamed of it. It is a blunder, though, and is punished as such. A poor man is despised the whole world over.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I attribute the quarrelsome nature of the Middle Ages young men entirely to the want of the soothing weed.

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Jerome K. Jerome

It is a most extraordinary thing, but I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease therein dealt with in its most...

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Jerome K. Jerome

Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once.

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Jerome K. Jerome

What readers ask nowadays in a book is that it should improve, instruct and elevate. This book wouldn't elevate a cow. I cannot conscientiously recommend it for any useful purposes whatever. All I can...

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Jerome K. Jerome

We are but the veriest, sorriest slaves of our stomach. Reach not after morality and righteousness, my friends; watch vigilantly your stomach, and diet it with care and judgment.

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Jerome K. Jerome

"Not sure," he retorted; "you call yourself a journalist, and admit there is a subject under Heaven of which you are not sure!"

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Jerome K. Jerome

What readers ask nowadays in a book is that it should improve, instruct, and elevate. This book wouldn't elevate a cow.

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Jerome K. Jerome

They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I can't sit still and see another man slaving and working. I want to get up and superintend, and walk round with my hands in my pockets, and tell him what to do. It is my energetic nature. I can't help...

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Jerome K. Jerome

But who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand.

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Jerome K. Jerome

1lb beefstak, with 1pt bitter beer every 6 hours. 1 ten-mile walk every morning. 1 bed at 11 sharp every night. And don't stuff your head with things you don't understand.

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Jerome K. Jerome

Angels may be very excellent sort of folk in their own way, but we, poor mortals in our present state, would probably find them precious slow company.

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Jerome K. Jerome

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss