Kurt Vonnegut

Born: November 11, 1922

Die: April 11, 2007

Occupation: Writer

Quotes of Kurt Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut

We are what we pretend to be.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I think, therefore I am, therefore I am photographable.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The complicated futility of ignorance.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What's the point of being alive," she said, "if you're not going to communicate?

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Kurt Vonnegut

How subservient to Jesus, or to a humane God Almighty, were the leaders of this country back in the 1840's, when Marx said such a supposedly evil thing about religion? They had made it perfectly legal...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There are too many of us and we are all too far apart.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The Great Depression was going on, so that the station and the streets teemed with homeless people, just as they do today. The newspapers were full of stories of worker layoffs and farm foreclosures and...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I have had all I can stand of not taking myself seriously.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Is there nothing I have done which will outlive me, other than the opprobrium of my first wife and sons and grandchildren? Do I care? Doesn't everybody? Poor me. Poor practically everybody, with so little...

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Kurt Vonnegut

As Marilee and I were dressing, I whispered to her that I loved her with all my heart. What else was there to say? 'You don't. You can't,' she said.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You have to go, but I have to stay.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Terry Kitchen asked me one time why, since I had so few gifts as a husband and father, I had gotten married. And I heard myself say: "That's the way the post-war movie goes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

All right - I'll tell you what you did for me: you went for happy, silly, beautiful walks with me.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Women are so useless and unimaginative, aren't they? All they ever think of planting in the dirt is the seed of something beautiful or edible. The only missile they can ever think of throwing at anybody...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The Contessa was surely way ahead of her time, too, in believing that men were not only usless and idiotic, but downright dangerous. That idea wouldn't catch on big in her native country until the last...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Everything about life is a joke. Don't you know that?

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Kurt Vonnegut

Because of the movies nobody will believe that it was babies who fought the war.

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Kurt Vonnegut

kar.a.bek.i.an (n.); (from Rabo Karabekian, U.S. 20th Cent. painter). Fiasco in which a person causes total destruction of own work and reputation through stupidity, carelessness or both.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Fathers are always so proud the first time they see their sons in uniform," she said. "I know Big John Karpinski was," I said. He is my neighbor to the north, of course. Big John's son Little John did...

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Kurt Vonnegut

We'd been apart so long--I'd been dead so long," she said in English. "I thought surely you'd built a new life, with no room in it for me. I'd hoped that." "My life is nothing but room for you." I said....

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Kurt Vonnegut

We're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It shook up Trout to realize that even he could bring evil into the world — in the form of bad ideas.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is...

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Kurt Vonnegut

. . . hummings and clickings could be heard-the sounds attendant to the flow of electrons, now augmenting one maze of electromagnetic crises to a condition that was translatable from electrical qualities...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I saw the destruction of Dresden. I saw the city before and then came out of an air-raid shelter and saw it afterward, and certainly one response was laughter. God knows, that's the soul seeking some relief.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Round and round we spin, with feet of lead and wings of tin.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We would be a lot safer if the Government would take its money out of science and put it into astrology and the reading of palms. Only in superstition is there hope. If you want to become a friend of civilization,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Human beings are chimpanzees who get crazy drunk on power. By saying that our leaders are power-drunk chimpanzees, am I in danger of wrecking the morale of our soldiers fighting and dying in the Middle...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I think it can be tremendously refreshing if a creator of literature has something on his mind other than the history of literature so far. Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Beer, of course, is actually a depressant, but poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Anyone unable to understand how useful religion can be founded on lies will not understand this book either.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Rabo Karabekian: I'm in the middle of a sentence. Circe Berman: Who isn't?.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Most kids can't afford to go to Harvard to be misinformed.

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Kurt Vonnegut

A lot of people were opposed to it. A lot of people were for it. I myself think about it as little as possible.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I could go on to speak of sanity as compared with insanity, decency as compared with vandalism, friendship as compared with rabies.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Here's what I think the truth is: We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to face cold turkey.

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Kurt Vonnegut

As for myself: I had come to the conclusion that there was nothing sacred about myself or about any human being, that we were all machines, doomed to collide and collide and collide.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If somebody says "I love you" to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can anybody reply under such conditions but that which the pistol holder requires? "I love you, too."

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Kurt Vonnegut

Live while you live, when you're dead you're dead.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What he meant, of course, was that there would always be wars, that they were as easy to stop as glaciers. I believe that, too. And even if wars didn't keep coming like glaciers, there would still be plain...

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Kurt Vonnegut

During my three years in Vietnam, I certainly heard plenty of last words by dying American footsoldiers. Not one of them, however, had illusions that he had somehow accomplished something worthwhile in...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The name of the new religion," said Rumfoord, "is The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Only in books do we learn what’s really going on.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If God were alive today, He'd be an atheist.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Never have I risked my life, or even my comfort, in the service of mankind. Shame on me.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Thanks to their decreased brainpower, people aren't diverted from the main business of life by the hobgoblins of opinion anymore.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If I am going to spend eternity visiting this moment and that, I'm grateful that so many of those moments are nice.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Then the lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of Heaven; and He overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is love enough in this world for everybody, if people will just look.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is one other book, that can teach you everything you need to know about life... it's The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, but that's not enough anymore.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Maturity, the way I understand it, is knowing what your limitations are.

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Kurt Vonnegut

She broke my heart. I didn't like that much. But that was the price. In this world, you get what you pay for.

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Kurt Vonnegut

love is a hawk with velvet claws love is a rock with heart and veins love is a lion with satin jaws love is a storm with silken reins

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Kurt Vonnegut

If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke.

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Kurt Vonnegut

A lack of seriousness has led to all sorts of wonderful insights.

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Kurt Vonnegut

When a Tralfamadorian sees a corpse, all he thinks is that the dead person is in bad condition in the particular moment, but that the same person is just fine in plenty of other moments. Now, when I myself...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I am a very bad scientist. I will do anything to make a human being feel better, even if it's unscientific. No scientist worthy of the name could say such a thing.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There's only one me, and I'm stuck with him.

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Kurt Vonnegut

This person has just arrived on this planet, knows nothing about it, has no standards by which to judge it. This person does not care what it becomes. It is eager to become absolutely anything it is supposed...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Trout, incidentally, had written a book about a money tree. It had twenty-dollar bills for leaves. Its flowers were government bonds. Its fruit was diamonds. It attracted human beings who killed each other...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Honest to God, Bill, the way things are going, all I can think of is that I'm a character in a book by somebody who wants to write about somebody who suffers all the time.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Time is liquid. One moment is no more important than any other and all moments quickly run away.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I am better now. Word of honour: I am better now.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Reading a novel, War and Peace for example, is no Catnap. Because a novel is so long, reading one is like being married forever to somebody nobody knows or cares about.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If I hadn’t spent so much time studying Earthlings," said the Tralfamadorian, "I wouldn’t have any idea what was meant by 'free will.' I've visited thirty-one inhabited planets in the universe, and...

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Kurt Vonnegut

What passes for culture in my head is really a bunch of commercials.

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Kurt Vonnegut

But by accident, not by cunning calculation, books, because of their weight and texture, and because of their sweetly token resistance to manipulation, involve our hands and eyes, and then our minds and...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Don't you think that's the main reason people find [writing] so difficult? If they can write complete sentences and can use a dictionary, isn't that the only reason they find writing hard: they don't know...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Don't worry about your father. He's a perfectly contented, self-sufficient zombie.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Here is the solution to the American drug problem suggested a couple years back by the wife of our President: "Just say no.

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Kurt Vonnegut

He was seemingly born not only with a gift for language, but with a particularly nasty clock which makes him go crazy every three years or so.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You don't do art for any other reason than to help your soul grow.

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Kurt Vonnegut

As stupid and vicious as men are, this is a lovely day.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The moral of the story is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don't realize, or they don't care, is we're dancing animals....

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Kurt Vonnegut

So the America I loved still exists, if not in the White House or the Supreme Court or the Senate or the House of Representatives or the media. The America I love still exists at the front desks of our...

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Kurt Vonnegut

His response was to fight it with the only weapons at hand—passive resistance and open displays of contempt.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The Earthlings behaved at all times as though there were a big eye in the sky—as though that big eye were ravenous for entertainment.

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Kurt Vonnegut

No one can amount to a damn in the arts if he becomes sweetly reasonable, seeing all sides of a picture, forgiving all sins.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Big, undreamed-of things — the people on the edge see them first.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Man created the checkerboard; God created the karass.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The big show is inside my head,

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Kurt Vonnegut

There's a Chaplain who never visited the front.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I wish we had all been born birds instead.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If it weren't for the message of mercy and pity in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, I wouldn't want to be a human being. I would just as soon be a rattlesnake.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I had a friend who was a heavy drinker. If somebody asked him if he'd been drunk the night before, he would always answer offhandedly, 'Oh, I imagine.' I've always liked that answer. It acknowledges life...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I apologize because of the terrible mess the planet is in. But it has always been a mess. There have never been any 'Good Old Days,' there have just been days. And as I say to my grandchildren, 'Don't...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I keep losing and regaining my equilibrium, which is the basic plot of all popular fiction. And I myself am a work of fiction.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Jokes can be noble. Laughs are exactly as honorable as tears. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion, to the futility of thinking and striving anymore. I myself prefer to laugh,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I do feel that evolution is being controlled by some sort of divine engineer. I can't help thinking that. And this engineer knows exactly what he or she is doing and why, and where evolution is headed....

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Kurt Vonnegut

Where's evil? It's that large part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on its side,

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Kurt Vonnegut

Dr. Brainard Keyes Bullard, President of Wyandotte College, said in an address tonight that most of the worlds ills can be traced to the fact that Mans knowledge of himself has not kept pace with his knowledge...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Mere opinions, in fact, were as likely to govern people's actions as hard evidence, and were subject to sudden reversals as hard evidence could never be. So the Galapagos Islands could be hell in one moment...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The two prime movers in the Universe are Time and Luck.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I think William Shakespeare was the wisest human being I ever heard of. To be perfectly frank, though, that's not saying much. We are impossibly conceited animals, and actually dumb as heck. Ask any teacher....

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Kurt Vonnegut

It is always pitiful when any human being falls into a condition hardly more respectable than that of an animal. How much more pitiful it is when the person who falls has had all the advantages!

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Kurt Vonnegut

Son--they say there isn't any royalty in this country, but do you want me to tell you how to be king of the United States of America? Just fall through the hole in a privy and come out smelling like a...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There's only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you've got to be kind.

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Kurt Vonnegut

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Teaching, may I say, is the noblest profession of all in a democracy.

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Kurt Vonnegut

That is the first thing I know for sure: (1.) If the questions don't make sense, neither will the answers.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What's going to happen is, very soon, we're going to run out of petroleum, and everything depends on petroleum. And there go the school buses. There go the fire engines. The food trucks will come to a...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The chief weapon of sea pirates, however, was their capacity to astonish. Nobody else could believe, until it was too late, how heartless and greedy they were.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Never trust a survivor until you know how they survived.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You had to get everything exactly right or the editors would give you hell.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It's a nice glass of champagne at the end of a life.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Men are jerks. Women are psychotic.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Music is, to me, proof of the existence of God.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Vietnam was an exercise in mistaken idealism Iraq in cynical money-making. And there's no optimism or idealism now -- Americans are tired of knowledge. Our leaders, the C-students from Yale, know this....

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Kurt Vonnegut

I thought scientists were going to find out exactly how everything worked, and then make it work better. I fully expected that by the time I was twenty-one, some scientist, maybe my brother, would have...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Ideas or the lack of them can cause disease.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We're not too young for love, just too young for about everything there is that goes with love.

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Kurt Vonnegut

When we passed a Catholic church, I recalled, he said, "You think your dad's a good chemist? They're turning soda crackers into meat in there. Can your dad do that?

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Kurt Vonnegut

Pay no attention to Caesar. Caesar doesn't have the slightest idea what's really going on.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Someday, someday, this crazy world will have to end, And our God will take things back that He to us did lend. And if, on that sad day, you want to scold our God, Why just go ahead and scold Him. He'll...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Earthlings are the great explainers, explaining why this event is structured as it is, telling how other events may be achieved or avoided.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Children get smashed for hours on some strictly limited aspect of the Great Big Everything, the Universe, such as water or snow or mud or colors or rocks.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Any scientist who can't explain to an eight-year-old what he is doing is a charlatan.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Armistice Day has become Veterans' Day. Armistice Day was sacred. Veterans' Day is not. So I will throw Veterans' Day over my shoulder. Armistice Day I will keep. I don't want to throw away any sacred...

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Kurt Vonnegut

She hated people who thought too much. At that moment, she struck me as an appropriate representative for almost all mankind.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is this thing called the university, and everybody goes there now. And there are these things called teachers who make students read this book with good ideas or that book with good ideas until that's...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Americans, like human beings everywhere, believe many things that are obviously untrue, the monograph went on. Their most destructive untruth is that it is very easy for any American to make money. They...

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Kurt Vonnegut

How’s the patient?” asked Derby. “Dead to the world.” “But not actually dead.” “No.” “How nice - to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The master of ceremonies asked people to say what they thought the function of the novel might be in modern society, and one critic said, “To provide touches of color in rooms with all-white walls.”...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything? Because this moment simply is.

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Kurt Vonnegut

...when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, present, and future, always have existed, always will exist.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Bill Gates says, 'Wait till you can see what your computer can become.' But it’s you who should be doing the becoming. What you can become is the miracle you were born to work-not the damn fool computer.

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Kurt Vonnegut

That's one thing Earthlings might learn to do, if they tried hard enough: Ignore the awful times and concentrate on the good ones.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is no beginning, no middle, no end, no suspense, no moral, no causes, no effects. What we love in our books are the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You meet saints everywhere. They can be anywhere. They are people behaving decently in an indecent society.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You realize, of course, that everything I say is horseshit.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If what Billy Pilgrim learned from the Tralfamadorians is true, that we will all live forever, no matter how dead we may sometimes seem to be, I am not overjoyed. Still--if I am going to spend eternity...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Smoking is the only honorable form of suicide.

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Kurt Vonnegut

When I used to teach creative writing, I would tell the students to make their characters want something right away.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I can't tell if you're serious or not,' said the driver. I won't know myself until I find out if life is serious or not,' said Trout. 'It's dangerous, I know, and it can hurt a lot. That doesn't necessarily...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is no shortage of wonderful writers. What we lack is a dependable mass of readers.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Did you ever admire an empty-headed writer for his or her mastery of the language? No. So your own winning style must begin with ideas in your head.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Rome wasn't built in a day.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We don't make bicycles anymore. It's all human relations now. The eggheads sit around trying to figure out new ways for everyone to be happy. Nobody can get fired, no matter what; and if somebody does...

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Kurt Vonnegut

He wanted to talk to them, if he could, to discover whether they had truths about life which he had never heard before. Here is what he hoped new truths might do for him: enable him to laugh at his troubles,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Do you realize that all great literature is all about what a bummer it is to be a human being? Isn't it such a relief to have somebody say that?

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Kurt Vonnegut

Laughter or crying is what a human being does when there's nothing else he can do.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It's the emptiest and yet the fullest of all human messages: 'Good-bye.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There are plenty of good reasons for fighting...but no good reason to ever hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty hates with you, too. Where's evil? It's that large part of every man that...

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Kurt Vonnegut

All people are insane. They will do anything at any time, and God help anybody who looks for reasons.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Let there be nothing harmonious about our children's playthings, lest they grow up expecting peace and order, and be eaten alive.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is no peace, I'm sorry to say. We find it. We lose it. We find it again. We lose it again.

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Kurt Vonnegut

History is merely a list of surprises. It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I don't know about you, but I practice a disorganized religion. I belong to an unholy disorder. We call ourselves "Our Lady of the Perpetual Astonishment

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Kurt Vonnegut

No moral value is greater than humanity.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Find a subject you care about and which you in your heart feel others should care about. It is this genuine caring, and not your games with language, which will be the most compelling and seductive element...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is nothing like death to say what is always such an artificial thing to say: The End.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I've been living alone for so long, everything about me’s private. I’m surprised anyone’s able to understand a word I say.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The dog, who had sounded so ferocious in the winter distances, was a female German Shepherd. She was shivering. Her tail was between her legs. She had been borrowed that morning from a farmer. She had...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Billy Pilgrim says that the Universe does not look like a lot of bright little dots to the creatures from Tralfamadore. The creatures can see where each star has been and where it is going, so that the...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Trout's leading robot looked like a human being, and could talk and dance and so on, and go out with girls. And nobody held it against him that he dropped jellied gasoline on people. But they found his...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The surface of Earth heaved and seethed in fecund restlessness. Earth was most fertile where the most death was.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I found me a place where I can do good without doing any harm, and I can see I'm doing good, and them I'm doing good for know I'm doing it, and they love me, Unk, as best they can. I found me a home.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We are what we imagine ourselves to be.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone.

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Kurt Vonnegut

People would be surprised if they knew how much in this world was due to prayers.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

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Kurt Vonnegut

He had the air of a spy in a melodrama, missing nothing, liking nothing, looking forward to the great day when everything would be turned upside down.

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Kurt Vonnegut

My god-life! who can understand eve one little minute of it? 'don't try' he said 'just pretend you understand.

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Kurt Vonnegut

A sum of money is a leading character in this tale about people, just as a sum of honey might properly be a leading character in a tale about bees.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Love is where you find it.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I wish that people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, "Please - a little less love, and a little more common decency."

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Kurt Vonnegut

The time would not pass. Somebody was playing with the clocks, and not only the electronic clocks but the wind-up kind too. The second hand on my watch would twitch once, and a year would pass, and then...

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Kurt Vonnegut

If you can't write clearly, you probably don't think nearly as well as you think you do.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody would be to not be used for anything by anybody. Thank you for using me, even though I didn't want to be used by anybody.

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Kurt Vonnegut

America is the wealthiest nation on Earth, but its people are mainly poor, and poor Americans are urged to hate themselves.... It is in fact a crime for an American to be poor, even though America is a...

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Kurt Vonnegut

If I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of Mount McCabe and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would take from the ground...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I have wanted to give Iraq a lesson in democracy - because we're experienced with it, you know. And, in democracy, after a hundred years, you have to let your slaves go. And, after a hundred and fifty...

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Kurt Vonnegut

It's a small world." . . . "When you put it in a cemetery it is.

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Kurt Vonnegut

How complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.

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Kurt Vonnegut

In this world, you get what you pay for.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I can think of no more stirring symbol of man's humanity to man than a fire engine.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The things other people have put into my head, at any rate, do not fit together nicely, are often useless and ugly, are out of proportion with one another, are out of proportion with life as it really...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Earthlings went on being friendly, when they should have been thinking instead.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The book was Maniacs in the Fourth Dimension, by Kilgore Trout. It was about people whose mental diseases couldn't be treated because the causes of the diseases were all in the fourth dimension, and three-dimensional...

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Kurt Vonnegut

We're here on Earth to fart around

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Kurt Vonnegut

The youngest child in any family is always a jokemaker, because a joke is the only way he can enter into an adult conversation.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Only nut cases want to be president. This was true even in high school. Only clearly disturbed people ran for class president.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Pretend to be good always and even God will be fooled.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Any form of government, not just Capitalism, is whatever people who have all our money, drunk or sober, sane or insane, decide to do today.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Being an American means never having to say you're sorry.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Here's what I think the truth is: We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to face cold turkey. And like so many addicts about to face cold turkey, our leaders are now committing...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Ignore the awful times, and concentrate on the good ones.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I do not say that children at war do not die like men, if they have to die. To their everlasting honor and our everlasting shame, they do die like men, thus making possible the manly jubilation of patriotic...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I am beguiled by your physical beauty, and I am moved by how head-over-heels in love with books you are. And nowhere else have I found such thoughtful and literate reportage on the state of the American...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Be fruitful, and multiply.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I consider writing an act of good citizenship.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts. And don't put up with people that are reckless with yours.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I have been a soreheaded occupant of a file drawer labeled "science fiction" ... and I would like out, particularly since so many serious critics regularly mistake the drawer for a urinal.

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Kurt Vonnegut

People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Human beings are about 1,000 times dumber and meaner than they think they are.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What a bummer it is to be a human being.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If I am ever put to death on the hook, expect a very human performance.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The gun made a ripping sound like the opening of a zipper on the fly of God Almighty.

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Kurt Vonnegut

They do not love one another because they do not love themselves.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It was very exciting for her, taking his dignity away in the name of love.

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Kurt Vonnegut

He did not think of himself as a writer for the simple reason that the world had never allowed him to think of himself in this way.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Science is magic that works.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It strikes me as gruesome and comical that in our culture we have an expectation that man can always solve his problems ... This is so untrue that it makes me want to cry-or laugh.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Why were so many Americans treated by their government as though their lives were as disposable as facial tissues? Because that was the way authors customarily treated bit-part players in their made-up...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The prostitutes worked for a pimp now. He was splendid and cruel. He was a god to them. He took their free will away from them, which was perfectly all right. They didn't want it anyway. It was as though...

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Kurt Vonnegut

A man without a home can't be lost.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You are being suffocated by tradition... Why don't you say, 'I am going to build a life for myself, for my time, and make it a work of art'? Your life isn't a work of art ---it's a thirdhand Victorian...

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Kurt Vonnegut

A great swindle of our time is the assumption that science has made religion obsolete. All science has damaged is the story of Adam and Eve and the story of Jonah and the Whale. Everything else holds up...

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Kurt Vonnegut

People should practice an art in order to make their souls grow and not to make money or become famous. Paint a picture. Write.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If you make people laugh or cry about little black marks on sheets of white paper, what is that but a practical joke? All the great story lines are great practical jokes that people fall for over and over...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The biggest laughs are based on the biggest disappointments and the biggest fears.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The New York Daily News suggested that my biggest war crime was not killing myself like a gentleman. Presumably Hitler was a gentleman.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Where is home? I've wondered where home is, and I realized, it's not Mars or someplace like that, it's Indianapolis when I was nine years old. I had a brother and a sister, a cat and a dog, and a mother...

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Kurt Vonnegut

. . . but the Universe is an awfully big place. There is room enough for an awful lot of people to be right about things and still not agree.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The champagne was dead. So it goes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The insane, on occasion, are not without their charms.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Aside from battles, the history of nations seemed to consist of nothing but powerless old poops like myself, heavily medicated and vaguely beloved in the long ago, coming to kiss the boots of young psychopaths.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I love you, Eliza,” I said. She thought about it. “No,” she said at last, “I don’t like it.” “Why not?” I said. “It’s as though you were pointing a gun at my head,” she said. “It’s...

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Kurt Vonnegut

No matter how corrupt, greedy, and heartless our government, our corporations, our media, and our religious & charitable institutions may become, the music will still be wonderful.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Hardly anyone in the world is an American

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Kurt Vonnegut

Vonnegut could not help looking back, despite the danger of being turned metaphorically into a pillar of salt, into am emblem of the death that comes to those who cannot let go of the past

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Kurt Vonnegut

Farewell, hello, farewell, hello.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Every sentence must do one of two things-reveal character or advance the action.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I'm not a drug salesman. I'm a writer.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish...

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Kurt Vonnegut

To be is to do - Socrates To do is to be - Sartre Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra

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Kurt Vonnegut

Your eloquence should be the servant of the ideas in your head. Your rule might be this: If a sentence, no matter how excellent, does not illuminate your subject in some new and useful way, scratch it...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There was no immunity to cuckoo ideas on Earth.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I couldn't help wondering if that was what God put me on Earth for--to find out how much a man could take without breaking.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I love you, because the love you gave me was the only love I've ever had, the only love I ever will have

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Kurt Vonnegut

You hate America, don't you?' That would be as silly as loving it,' I said. 'It's impossible for me to get emotional about it, because real estate doesn't interest me. It's no doubt a great flaw in my...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Indianapolis, Indiana is the first place in the United States of America where a white man was hanged for the murder of an Indian. The kind of people who'll hang a white man for murdering an Indian--that's...

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Kurt Vonnegut

It pains me even now, even a million years later, to write about such human misbehaviour. A million years later, I feel like apologizing for the human race. That’s all I can say.

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Kurt Vonnegut

...this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so incapable of thought, so eager to believe and snarl and hate.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Some persons seem to like you, and others seem to hate you, and you must wonder why. They are simply liking machines and hating machines.

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Kurt Vonnegut

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It posed the question posed by all such stone piles.: how had puny men moved stones so big? And, like all such stone piles, it answered the question itself. Dumb terror had moved those stones so big

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Kurt Vonnegut

When a man becomes a writer, I think he takes on a sacred obligation to produce beauty and enlighenment and comfort at top speed

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Kurt Vonnegut

The heartbreaking necessity of lying about reality and the heartbreaking impossibilty of lying about it

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Kurt Vonnegut

My soul seemed as foul as smoke from burning cat fur.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I think I succeeded as a writer because I did not come out of an English department. I used to write in the chemistry department. And I wrote some good stuff. If I had been in the English department, the...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Music is, to me, proof of the existence of God. It is so extraordinarily full of magic, and in tough times of my life I can listen to music and it makes such a difference.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I think... it is somehow very useful, and maybe even essential, for a fine artist to have to somehow make his peace on the canvas with all the things he cannot do. That is what attracts us to serious paintings,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Unannounced changes in life's itinerary are like dancing lessons from God.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresented life by leaving out sex.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Somebody gets into trouble, then gets out of it again. People love that story. They never get tired of it.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round & wet & crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is nothing left of him but curiosity and a pair of eyes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Tis better to have love and lust Than to let our apparatus rust.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Doesn't anything socialistic make you want to throw up? Like great public schools, or health insurance for all?

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Kurt Vonnegut

He had supposed for years that he had no secrets from himself. Here was proof that he had a great big secret somewhere inside, and he could not imagine what it was.

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Kurt Vonnegut

On Tralfamadore, says Billy Pilgrim, there isn't much interest in Jesus Christ. The Earthling figure who is most engaging to the Tralfamadorian mind, he says, is Charles Darwin - who taught that those...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The Population Reference Bureau predicts that the world's total population will double to 7,000,000,000 before the year 2000. I suppose they will all want dignity, I said.

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Kurt Vonnegut

All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old poop I can remember back to when we had those old-fashioned values, and I say let's get back to the...

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Kurt Vonnegut

If you really want to hurt your parents and you don't have nerve enough to be homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We'd all do well to start over again, preferably with kindergarten.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Sometimes I wonder if he wasn't born dead. I never met a man who was less interested in the living. Sometimes I think that's the trouble with the world: too many people in high places who are stone-cold...

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Kurt Vonnegut

People say there are no atheists in foxholes. A lot of people think this is a good argument against atheism. Personally, I think it's a much better argument against foxholes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Perhaps I am the turtle, able to live simply anywhere, even underwater for short periods, with my home on my back.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The most exquisite pleasure in the practice of medicine comes from nudging a layman in the direction of terror, then bringing him back to safety again.

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Kurt Vonnegut

That’s the secret of artistic unity. Anybody can achieve it, if he or she will make something with only one person in mind.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Among the things Billy Pilgrim could not change were the past, the present, and the future.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Talent is extremely common. What is rare is the willingness to endure the life of the writer.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Her face ... was a one-of-a-kind, a surprising variation on a familiar theme - a variation that made observers think, Yes - that would be another very nice way for people to look. What Beatrice had done...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagiani was philosophical. He said it sure beat dying for absolutely nothing in the Viet Nam War.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Ink and paper are as cheap as sand or water, almost. No board of directors has to convene in order to decide whether we can afford to write down this or that. I myself once staged the end of the world...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I think you guys are going to have to come up with a lot of wonderful new lies, or people just aren't going to want to go on living.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Artists are useful to society because they are so sensitive. They are supersensitive. They keel over like canaries in coal mines filled with poison gas, long before more robust types realize that...

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Kurt Vonnegut

...Skyscraper National Park

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Kurt Vonnegut

Literature is the only art in which the audience performs the score.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Love may fail, but #‎ courtesy will prevail.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Characters paralyzed by the meaninglessness of modern life still have to drink water from time to time.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The secret to success in any human endeavor is total concentration.

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Kurt Vonnegut

She was a fool, and so am I, and so is anyone who thinks he sees what God is Doing, [writes Bokonon].

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Kurt Vonnegut

Please — a little less love, and a little more common decency.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We went to the New York World's Fair, saw what the past had been like, according to the Ford Motor Car Company and Walt Disney, saw what the future would be like, according to General Motors. And I asked...

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Kurt Vonnegut

He is in a constant state of stage fright, he says, because he never knows what part of his life he is going to have to act in next

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Kurt Vonnegut

I don't think he was knowable. I mean, when most people talk about knowing somebody a lot or a little, they're talking about the secrets they've been told or haven't been told. They're talking about intimate...

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Kurt Vonnegut

You'll forget it when you're dead, and so will I. When I'm dead, I'm going to forget everything–and I advise you to do the same.

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Kurt Vonnegut

He couldn't tell the difference between one politician and another. They were all formlessly enthusiastic chimpanzees to him.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Seems like the only kind of job an American can get these days is committing suicide in some way.

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Kurt Vonnegut

And what do the birds say? All there is to say about a massacre, things like "Poo-tee-weet?

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Kurt Vonnegut

Nothing in this book is true.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You are pooped and demoralised,” read Dwayne. “Why wouldn’t you be? Of course it is exhausting, having to reason all the time in a universe which wasn’t meant to be reasonable.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Evolution is so creative. That's how we got giraffes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The painting was framed in a misty view of sky, sea, and valley. Newt's painting was small, black, and warty. It consisted of scratches made in a black, gummy impasto. The scratches formed a sort of spider's...

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Kurt Vonnegut

All was forgiven. All living things were brothers, and all dead things were even more so.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I think about my education sometimes. I went to the University of Chicago for awhile after the Second World War. I was a student in the Department of Anthropology. At that time they were teaching that...

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Kurt Vonnegut

About belief or lack of belief in an afterlife: Some of you may know that I am neither Christian nor Jewish nor Buddist, nor a conventionally religious person of any sort. I am a humanist, which mean,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Poverty is a relatively mild disease for even a very flimsy American soul, but uselessness will kill strong and weak souls alike, and kill every time.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It is just an illusion here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone, it is gone forever.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Praise or damn as you please, but do so rather flatly, pragmatically, with cunning attention to annoying or gratifying details. Be yourself. Be unique. Be a good editor. The Universe needs more good editors,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

We are here for no purpose, unless we can invent one.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You know, I think the main purpose of the Army, Navy, and Marine Corps is to get poor Americans into clean, pressed, unpatched clothes, so rich Americans can stand to look at them.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Nobody will stop you from creating. Do it tonight. Do it tomorrow. That is the way to make your soul grow - whether there is a market for it or not! The kick of creation is the act of creating, not anything...

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Kurt Vonnegut

As for myself: I had come to the conclusion that there was nothing sacred about myself or any human being, that we were all machines, doomed to collide and collide and collide. For want of anything better...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Dear Sir, poor sir, brave sir." he read, "You are an experiment by the Creator of the Universe. You are the only creature in the entire Universe who has free will. You are the only one who has to figure...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Music makes practically everybody fonder of life than he or she would be without it.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The more pain I train myself to stand, the more I learn. You are afraid of pain now, Unk, but you won't learn anything if you don't invite the pain. And the more you learn, the gladder you will be to stand...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I believe that reading and writing are the most nourishing forms of meditation anyone has so far found. By reading the writings of the most interesting minds in history, we meditate with our own minds...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Sons of suicides seldom do well.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I don't reveal to her that I love her. I keep poker faced. She might as well be looking at a cantaloupe, there is so little information in my face, but my heart is beating.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If I was ever to have a child, this is what I'd tell it: 'Child,' I'd say, 'don't never mess with time. Keep now now and then then. And if you ever get lost in thick smoke, child, set still till it clears....

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Kurt Vonnegut

I'm simply interested in what is going to happen next. I don't think I can control my life or my writing. Every other writer I know feels he is steering himself, and I don't have that feeling. I don't...

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Kurt Vonnegut

If you actually are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington, D.C. I know a couple of bright seventh graders who would not be welcome in Washington D.C.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, I said, but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The triumph of anything is a matter of organization.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You want to know something? We are still in the Dark Ages. The Dark Ages--they haven't ended yet.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I saw a huge steam roller, It blotted out the sun. The people all lay down, lay down; They did not try to run. My love and I, we looked amazed Upon the gory mystery. "Lie down, lie down!" the people cried....

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Kurt Vonnegut

What is my definition of jazz? "Safe sex of the highest order."

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Kurt Vonnegut

I wish you'd help me look into a more interesting problem - namely, my sanity.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I'm odd, I know,' he said. 'It's fear of myself that's made me odd.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I have been a writer since 1949. I am self-taught. I have no theories about writing that might help others. When I write, I simply become what I seemingly must become. I am six feet two and weigh nearly...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Live by the harmless untruths that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The most damning revelation you can make about yourself is that you do not know what is interesting and what is not.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We have such a young culture that there is an opportunity to contribute wonderful new myths to it, which will be accepted.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Thinking doesn't seem to help very much. The human brain is too high-powered to have many practical uses in this particular universe.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The most heartbreakingly beautiful girl I ever hope to see

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Kurt Vonnegut

Just in the nick of time they realized that it was their own habitat they were wrecking -- that they weren't merely visitors.

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Kurt Vonnegut

For some people, getting pregnant is as easy as catching cold." And there certainly was an analogy there: Colds and babies were both caused by germs which loved nothing so much as a mucous membrane.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. So it goes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I am simply impressed by the unexpected insights which shower down on me when my job is to imagine, as contrasted with the woodenly familiar ideas which clutter my desk when my job is to tell the truth.

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Kurt Vonnegut

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Unfortunately, that still leaves plenty of Americans who don't read much or think much -- who will still be extremely useful in unjust wars. We are sick about that. We did the best we could.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudice or flush Lake Erie but when they find ways to inhabit primitive communities again. That's my utopia.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.

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Kurt Vonnegut

People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Still and all, why bother? Here's my answer. Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do...

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Kurt Vonnegut

About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I really wonder what gives us the right to wreck this poor planet of ours.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?

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Kurt Vonnegut

The year was 2081, and everyone was finally equal.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I just know that there are plenty of people who are in terrible trouble and can't get out. And so I'm impatient with those who think that it's easy for people to get out of trouble.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It goes against the American storytelling grain to have someone in a situation he can't get out of, but I think this is very usual in life. [...] And it strikes me as gruesome and comical that in our culture...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a very poor scheme for survival.

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Kurt Vonnegut

To whom it may concern: It is springtime. It is late afternoon.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If people think nature is their friend, then they sure don't need an enemy.

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Kurt Vonnegut

All this happened, more or less. The war parts, anyway, are pretty much true.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Call me Jonah. My parents did, or nearly did. They called me John.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very much with his life anyway. The example usually is: he wasn't going to compose Beethoven's Fifth.

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Kurt Vonnegut

In an unmoored life like mine, sleep and hunger and work arrange themselves to suit themselves, without consulting me.

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Kurt Vonnegut

To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.

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Kurt Vonnegut

All these years, I've been opening the window and making love to the world.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Virtually every writer I know would rather be a musician.

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Kurt Vonnegut

To the as-yet-unborn, to all innocent wisps of undifferentiated nothingness: Watch out for life.

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Kurt Vonnegut

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

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Kurt Vonnegut

But I replied that what made being alive almost worthwhile for me, besides music, was all the saints I met, who could be anywhere. By saints I meant people who behaved decently in a strikingly indecent...

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Kurt Vonnegut

What war has always been is a puberty ceremony. It's a very rough one, but you went away a boy and came back a man, maybe with an eye missing or whatever but godammit you were a man and people had to call...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The America I love still exists at the front desks of our public libraries.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It's all like an ocean!" cried Dostoevski. I say it's all like cellophane.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Historians in the future, in my opinion, will congratulate us on very little other than our clowning and our jazz.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There were creative-writin g teachers long before there were creative-writin g courses, and they were called and continue to be called editors.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It is time for me to be dead for a little while - and then live again.

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Kurt Vonnegut

How embarrassing it is to be human.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There was a message written in pencil on the tiles by the roller towel. This was it: What is the purpose of life? Trout plundered his pockets for a pen or pencil. He had an answer to the question. But...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Each one of us has to be what he or she is.

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Kurt Vonnegut

That was what made them so hilarious and unafraid. That was the strength of the Nazis. [...] They understood God better than anyone. They knew how to make Him stay away.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Don't put one foot in your job and the other in your dream, Ed. Go ahead and quit, or resign yourself to this life. It's just too much of a temptation for fate to split you right up the middle before you've...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is no order in the world around us, we must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos instead.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The primary benefit of practicing any art, whether well or badly, is that it enables one's soul to grow.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor. [-Rabo Karabekian]

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Kurt Vonnegut

But there’s a reason we recognize Hamlet as a masterpiece: it’s that Shakespeare told us the truth, and people so rarely tell us the truth in this rise and fall here [indicates blackboard]. The truth...

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Kurt Vonnegut

It's a terrible waste to be happy and not notice it.

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Kurt Vonnegut

egregious. most people think that word means terrible or unheard of or unforgivable. it has a much more interesting story than that to tell. it means "outside the herd." imagine that - thousands of people,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

the late twentieth century will go down in history, i'm sure, as an era of pharmaceutical buffoonery.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Oh, God — the lives people try to lead. Oh, God — what a world they try to lead them in.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You can't just eat good food. You've got to talk about it too.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Here was what Kilgore Trout cried out to me in my father's voice: "Make me young, make me young, make me young!

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Kurt Vonnegut

I love cell phones. I see people so happy and proud, walking around. Gesturing, you know. I'm like Karl Marx, I'm up for anything that makes people happy.

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Kurt Vonnegut

That’s the attractive thing about war,” said Rosewater. “Absolutely everybody gets a little something.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You know — we've had to imagine the war here, and we have imagined that it was being fought by aging men like ourselves. We had forgotten that wars were fought by babies. When I saw those freshly shaved...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Plato says that the unexamined life is not worth living. But what if the examined life turns out to be a clunker as well?

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Kurt Vonnegut

I'm wild again, beguiled again, a whimpering, simpering child again. Bewitched, bothered, bewildered am I.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Like all real heroes, Charley had a fatal flaw. He refused to believe that he had gonorrhea, whereas the truth was that he did.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Unhappy failures need not apply.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If you want to break the rules of grammar, first learn the rules of grammar.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There was a still life on Billy's bedside table-two pills, an ashtray with three lipstick-stained cigarettes in it, one cigarette still burning, and a glass of water. The water was dead. So it goes. Air...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What is flirtatiousness but an argument that life must go on and on and on?

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Kurt Vonnegut

You can't help it but you were born without a heart. At least you tried to believe what the people with hearts believed — so you were a good man just the same.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I still believe that peace and plenty and happiness can be worked out some way. I am a fool.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Everything is nothing, with a twist.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is no good reason good can't triumph over evil, if only angels will get organized along the lines of the mafia.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Even as I speak, the very last polar bear may be dying of hunger on account of climate change, on account of us. And I sure miss the polar bears. Their babies are so warm and cuddly and trusting, just...

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Kurt Vonnegut

It appeared to the Elders that the people here would believe anything about themselves, no matter how preposterous, as long as it was flattering. To make sure of this, they performed an experiment. They...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There were lots of things to stop and see-and then it was time to go, always time to go.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, "If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be a homosexual,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Our awareness is all that is alive and maybe sacred in any of us. Everything else about us is dead machinery.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Everyone now knows how to find the meaning of life within himself.

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Kurt Vonnegut

So I went to New York City to be born again. It was and remains easy for most Americans to go somewhere else and start anew. I wasn't like my parents. I didn't have any supposedly sacred piece of land...

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Kurt Vonnegut

We're doomed to repeat the past no matter what. That's what it is to be alive. It's pretty dense kids who haven't figured that out by the time they're ten.... Most kids can't afford to go to Harvard and...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I say the same thing about the death of James Wait. "Oh, well -- he wasn't going to write the Beethoven's Ninth Symphony anyway.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I didn't know then what a sperm was, and so wouldn't understand his answer for several years. "My boy," he said, "you are descended from a long line of determined, resourceful, microscopic tadpoles-- champions...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Some automatic device clicked in her big brain, and her knees felt weak, and there was a chilly feeling in her stomach. She was in love with this man. They don't make memories like that anymore

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Kurt Vonnegut

I have told my sons that they are not under any circumstances to take part in massacres, and that the news of massacres of enemies is not to fill them with satisfaction or glee. I have also told them not...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all.

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Kurt Vonnegut

This is what i find most encouraging about the writing trades: they allow mediocre people who are patient and industrious to revise their stupidity, to edit themselves into something like intelligence....

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Kurt Vonnegut

A saint is a person who behaves decently in a shockingly indecent society.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What is the purpose of life?...To be the eyes and ears and conscience of the Creator of the Universe, you fool!

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Kurt Vonnegut

He was a graduate of West Point, which is military academy that turns young men into homicidal maniacs for use in war.

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Kurt Vonnegut

People took such awful chances with chemicals and their bodies because they wanted the quality of their lives to improve. They lived in ugly places where there were only ugly things to do. They didn't...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The planet was being destroyed by manufacturing processes, and what was being manufactured was lousy, by and large.

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Kurt Vonnegut

So, in the interests of survival, they trained themselves to be agreeing machines instead of thinking machines. All their minds had to do was to discover what other people were thinking, and then they...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Symbols can be so beautiful, sometimes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Ideas on earth were badges of friendship or enimity. Their content did not matter. Friends agreed with friends, in order to express friendliness. Enemies disagreed with enemies, in order to express enimity.

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Kurt Vonnegut

She upset Billy simply by being his mother. She made him feel embarrassed and ungrateful and weak because she had gone to so much trouble to give him life, and to keep that life going, and Billy didn't...

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Kurt Vonnegut

You can't just eat good food. You've got to talk about it too. And you've got to talk about it to somebody who understands that kind of food.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I pity the Jews trying to get through life with only half a Bible. That's like trying to get from here to San Francisco with a road map that stops at Dubuque, Iowa.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I had taught myself that a human being might as well look for diamond tiaras in the gutter as for rewards and punishments that were fair.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I wanted all things to seem to make some sense, So we could all be happy, yes, instead of tense. And I made up lies, so they all fit nice, and I made this sad world a paradise

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Kurt Vonnegut

Life is no way to treat an animal.

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Kurt Vonnegut

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

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Kurt Vonnegut

1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living...

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Kurt Vonnegut

How nice -- to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.

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Kurt Vonnegut

That's the secret of how to enjoy writing and how to make yourself meet high standards," said Mrs. Berman. "You don't write for the whole world, and you don't write for ten people, or two. You write for...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Mankind flung its advance agents ever outward, ever outward. Eventually it flung them out into space, into the colorless, tasteless, weightless sea of outwardness without end. It flung them like stones.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is no WHY, since the moment simply is, and since all of us are simply trapped in the moment, like bugs in Amber.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

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Kurt Vonnegut

And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgment Day: We never asked to be born in the first place.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Shrapnel was invented by an Englishman of the same name. Don't you wish you could have something named after you?

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Kurt Vonnegut

Since there is no one else to praise me, I will praise myself -- will say that I have never tampered with a single tooth in my thought machine, such as it is. There are teeth missing, God knows -- some...

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Kurt Vonnegut

See the cat? See the cradle?

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Kurt Vonnegut

I am a Tralfamadorian, seeing all time as you might see a stretch of the Rocky Mountains. All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is.

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Kurt Vonnegut

man is vile, and man makes nothing worth making, knows nothing worth knowing.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Belief is nearly the whole of the universe whether based on truth or not.

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Kurt Vonnegut

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I can have oodles of charm when I want to.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Cigarettes are a classy way to commit suiside.

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Kurt Vonnegut

In the water I am beautiful.

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Kurt Vonnegut

In the beginning, God created the earth, and he looked upon it in his cosmic loneliness. And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what We have done." And God created every...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I chose cultural anthropology, since it offered the greatest opportunity to write high-minded balderdash.

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Kurt Vonnegut

When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I have no culture, no humane harmony in my brains. I can't live without a culture anymore.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Perhaps, when we remember wars, we should take off our clothes and paint ourselves blue and go on all fours all day long and grunt like pigs. That would surely be more appropriate than noble oratory and...

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Kurt Vonnegut

How embarrassing to be human.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Take life seriously but none of the people in it.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD WAS MUSIC

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Kurt Vonnegut

You are better than you think. A-one, a-two a-three.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Anyway -- because we are readers, we don't have to wait for some communications executive to decide what we should think about next -- and how we should think about it. We can fill our heads with anything...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Nice, nice, very nice.

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Kurt Vonnegut

And a step backward, after making a wrong turn, is a step in the right direction.

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Kurt Vonnegut

That's the point. Every kind of animal thinks its own kind of animal is wonderful. So people getting married think they're wonderful, and that they're going to have a baby-- that's wonderful, when actually...

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Kurt Vonnegut

No good at life, but very funny sometimes with the commentary.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Be patient, Ophelia. Love, Hamlet

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Kurt Vonnegut

If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I’ve said before, bugs in amber.

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Kurt Vonnegut

And we all vied, in saving face, to be the greatest student of human nature, the person with the quickest sense of humor.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the...

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Kurt Vonnegut

When the last living thing Has died on account of us, How poetical it would be If Earth could say, In a voice floating up Perhaps From the floor Of the Grand Canyon, "It is done." People did not like it...

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Kurt Vonnegut

All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What you can become is the miracle you were born to be through the work that you do.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Electronic communities build nothing. You wind up with nothing. We are dancing animals. How beautiful it is to get up and go out and do something. We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Perhaps some people really are born unhappy. I surely hope not. Speaking for my sister and myself: We were born with the capacity and determination to be utterly happy all the time. Perhaps even in this...

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Kurt Vonnegut

It is, in the imagination of combat's fans, the divinely listless loveplay that follows the orgasm of victory. It is called 'mopping up.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Trout was petrified there on Forty-second Street. It had given him a life not worth living, but I had also given him an iron will to live. This was a common combination on the planet Earth.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The worst thing about film, from my point of view, is that it cripples illusions which I have encouraged people to create in their heads. Film doesn't create illusion. It makes them impossible. It is a...

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Kurt Vonnegut

What can any one person do?' he said. 'Each person does a little something,' I said, 'and there you are.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Swoopers write a story quickly, higgledy-piggledy, crinkum-crankum, any which way. Then they go over it again painstakingly, fixing everything that is just plain awful or doesn’t work. Bashers go one...

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Kurt Vonnegut

And what is literature, Rabo," he said, "but an insider's newsletter about affairs relating to molecules, of no importance to anything in the universe but a few molecules who have the disease called 'thought'.

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Kurt Vonnegut

My soul knows my meat is doing bad things, and is embarrassed. But my meat just keeps right on doing bad, dumb things.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If what Jesus said was good, what can it matter whether he was God or not?

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Kurt Vonnegut

Kilgore Trout once wrote a short story which was a dialogue between two pieces of yeast. They were discussing the possible purposes of life as they ate sugar and suffocated in their own excrement. Because...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Make love when you can. It's good for you.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.

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Kurt Vonnegut

All this happened, more or less.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Wake up, you idiots! Whatever made you think that money was so valuable?

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Kurt Vonnegut

Americans... are forever searching for love in forms it never takes, in places it can never be. It must have something to do with the vanished frontier.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Where do I get my ideas from? You might as well have asked that of Beethoven. He was goofing around in Germany like everybody else, and all of a sudden this stuff came gushing out of him. It was music....

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Kurt Vonnegut

In real life as in grand opera, arias only make hopeless situations worse.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You know what truth is? [...] It's some crazy thing my neighbor believes. If I want to make friends with him, I ask him what he believes. He tells me, and I say, "Yeah, yeah - ain't it the truth?

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Kurt Vonnegut

He became fubar in the classic way, which is to say that he was the victim of a temporary arrangement that became permanent.

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Kurt Vonnegut

...we took the 10 machines we agreed were the most beguiling, and we put them on permanent exhibit in the foyer of this library underneath a sign whose words can surely be applied to this whole ruined...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Why throw money at problems? That is what money is for. Should the nation's wealth be redistributed? It has been and continues to be redistributed to a few people in a manner strikingly unhelpful.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

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Kurt Vonnegut

He didn't look like a soldier at all. He looked like a filthy flamingo.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human...

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Kurt Vonnegut

profanity and obscenity entitle people who don't want unpleasant information to close their ears and eyes to you.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If there really had been a Mercutio, and if there really were a Paradise, Mercutio might be hanging out with teenage Vietnam draftee casualties now, talking about what it felt like to die for other people's...

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Kurt Vonnegut

He was talking about the sign that said 'THE COMPLICATED FUTILITY OF IGNORANCE.' 'All knew was that I didn't want my daughter or anybody's child to see a message that negative every time she comes into...

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Kurt Vonnegut

My own feeling is that if adultery is wickedness then so is food. Both make me feel so much better afterward.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Montana was naked, and so was Billy, of course. He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who'll get one.

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Kurt Vonnegut

After the thing went off, after it was a sure thing that America could wipe out a city with just one bomb, a scientist turned to Father and said, 'Science has now known sin.' And do you know what Father...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Self-taught, are you?" Julian Castle asked Newt. "Isn't everybody?" Newt inquired. "Very good answer.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Just because you can read, write and do a little math, doesn't mean that you're entitled to conquer the universe.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The mountebank told them that God was surely trying to kill them, possibly because He was through with them, and that they should have the good manners to die. This, as you can see, they did.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Kurt Vonnegut speaking to John Irving while Irving was administering the Heimlich maneuver in response to Vonnegut's uncontrollable coughing..."John,stop- I am not choking. I have emphysema.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I now believe that the only way in which Americans can rise above their ordinariness, can mature sufficiently to rescue themselves and to help rescue their planet, is through enthusiastic intimacy with...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Since Alice had never received any religious instruction, and since she had led a blameless life, she never thought of her awful luck as being anything but accidents in a very busy place. Good for her.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I am eternally grateful for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, reason enough to feel honored to be alive, no matter what else might be going on.

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Kurt Vonnegut

New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the richer we become.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What antidote can there be for an idea that popular and poisonous? Revenge provides revenge, which is sure to provide revenge, forming an endless chain of human misery. Here's the antidote: Forgive us...

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Kurt Vonnegut

A book is an arrangement of twenty-six phonetic symbols, ten numerals, and about eight punctuation marks, and people can cast their eyes over these and envision the eruption of Mount Vesuvius or the Battle...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Roses are red, And ready for plucking, You're sixteen, And ready for high school.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the charmer had in mind.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

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Kurt Vonnegut

It is never a mistake to say good-bye.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Maybe they invited me because they know I have a tuxedo

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Kurt Vonnegut

Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.

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Kurt Vonnegut

there i was in late middle age, cut loose in a thoroughly looted, bankrupt nation whose assets had been sold off to foreigners, a nation swamped by unchecked plagues and superstition and illiteracy and...

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Kurt Vonnegut

bergeron's epitaph for the planet, i remember, which he said should be carved in big letters in a wall of the grand canyon for the flying-saucer people to find was this: WE COULD HAVE SAVED IT, BUT WE...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Unusual travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.

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Kurt Vonnegut

During the Vietnam War, which lasted longer than any war we've ever been in - and which we lost - every respectable artist in this country was against the war. It was like a laser beam. We were all aimed...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly; Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?' Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land; Man got to tell himself he understand.

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Kurt Vonnegut

No art is possible without a dance with death.

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Kurt Vonnegut

On the day they dropped the bomb Frank had a tablespoon and a Mason jar. What he was doing was spooning different kinds of bugs into the jar and making them fight....I can remember other bug fights we...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The crowd, having been promised nothing, felt cheated, having received nothing.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Oh, a lion hunter in the jungle dark, And a sleeping drunkard up in central park, and a Chinese dentist and a British queen All fit together in the same machine. Nice, nice, such very different people...

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Kurt Vonnegut

When I used to teach creative writing, I would tell the students to make their characters want something right away - even if it's only a glass of water. Characters paralyzed by the meaninglessness of...

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Kurt Vonnegut

It is so short and jumbled and jangled, Sam, because there is nothing intelligent to say about a massacre. Everybody is supposed to be dead, to never say anything or want anything ever again. Everything...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Billy had a framed prayer on his office wall which expressed his method for keeping going, even though he was unenthusiastic about living. A lot of patients who saw the prayer on Billy’s wall told him...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Socialism" is no more an evil word than "Christianity." Socialism no more prescribed Joseph Stalin and his secret police and shuttered churches than Christianity prescribed the Spanish Inquisition. Christianity...

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Kurt Vonnegut

For some reason, the most vocal Christians among us never mention the Beatitudes (Matthew 5). But, often with tears in their eyes, they demand that the Ten Commandments be posted in public buildings. And...

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Kurt Vonnegut

But I have to say this in defense of humankind: In no matter what era in history, including the Garden of Eden, everybody just got here. And, except for the Garden of Eden, there were already all these...

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Kurt Vonnegut

You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do.

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Kurt Vonnegut

They like life alright, but that they would like it even better if they could know that it was going to end sometime.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Billy covered his head with his blanket. He always covered his head when his mother came to see him in the mental ward - always got much sicker until she went away. It wasn’t that she was ugly, or had...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The Fourteenth Book is entitled, "What can a Thoughtful Man Hope for Mankind on Earth, Given the Experience of the Past Million Years?" It doesn't take long to read The Fourteenth Book. It consists of...

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Kurt Vonnegut

One of the main effects of war, after all, is that people are discouraged from being characters.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Trust a crowd to look at the wrong end of a miracle every time.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The function of the artist is to make people like life better than they have before.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Having a yacht is a reason for being more cheerful than most.

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Kurt Vonnegut

And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The highest possible form of treason is to say that Americans aren’t loved wherever they go, whatever they do.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What a fool I would have been to let self-respect interfere with my happiness!

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Kurt Vonnegut

Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Until you die .. it's all life.

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Kurt Vonnegut

But he is tired. He puts the pistol to his head again. He says, “I never asked to be born in the first place.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I never asked to be born in the first place.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If a person survives an ordinary span of sixty years or more, there is every chance that his or her life as a shapely story has ended and all that remains to be experienced is epilogue. Life is not over,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone. I get drunk, and I drive my wife away with a breath like mustard gas and roses. And then, speaking gravely and elegantly...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I will say, too, that lovemaking, if sincere, is one of the best ideas Satan put in the apple she gave to the serpent to give to Eve. The best idea in that apple, though, is making jazz.

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Kurt Vonnegut

He ate a pear. It was a hard one. It fought back against his grinding teeth. It snapped in juicy protest.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The city was blacked out because bombers might come, so Billy didn't get to see Dresden do one of the most cheerful things a city can do when the sun goes down, which is to wink its lights on one by one.

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Kurt Vonnegut

There are almost no characters in this story, and almost no dramatic confrontations, because most of the people in it are so sick and so much the listless playthings of enormous forces. One of the main...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The little girls were wearing black party dresses and black party shoes, so strangers would know at once how nice they were.

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Kurt Vonnegut

She was a dull person, but a sensational invitation to make babies.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The proper ending for any story about people it seems to me, since life is now a polymer in which the Earth is wrapped so tightly, should be the same abbreviation, which I now write large because I feel...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There isn’t any particular relationship between the messages, except that the author has chosen them carefully, so that, when seen all at once, they produce an image of life that is beautiful and surprising...

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Kurt Vonnegut

And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned into a pillar...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Of course I love you, So let's have a kid. Who will say exactly What its parents did; "Of course I love you, So let's have a kid. Who will say exactly What its parents did; 'Of course I love you, So let's...

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Kurt Vonnegut

And I apologize to all of you who are the same age as my grandchildren. And many of you reading this are the same age as my grandchildren. They, like you, are being royally shafted and lied to by our Baby...

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Kurt Vonnegut

I consider anybody a twerp who hasn't read the greatest American short story, which is 'Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge,' by Ambrose Bierce.

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Kurt Vonnegut

They were adored by the Germans, who thought they were exactly what Englishmen ought to be. They made war look stylish and reasonable, and fun... They were dressed half for battle, half for tennis or croquet.

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Kurt Vonnegut

- Why me? - That is a very Earthling question to ask, Mr. Pilgrim. Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything? Because this moment simply is. Have you ever seen bugs trapped in amber? - Yes. - Well,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Well here you are, there it is, THIS is what it's all about.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I'd like to teach Iraq about Democracy because we're so experienced with it. First they should know that after 100 years they should free their slaves. Then after 150 years they should give their women...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The Summer had died peacefully in its sleep, and Autumn, as soft-spoken executrix, was locking life up safely until Spring came to claim it.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Artists use frauds to make human beings seem more wonderful than they really are. Dancers show us human beings who move much more gracefully than human beings really move. Films and books and plays show...

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Kurt Vonnegut

in nonsense is strength

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Kurt Vonnegut

Vietnam was a country where America was trying to make people stop being communists by dropping things on them from airplanes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

That is my principal objection to life, I think: It's too easy, when alive, to make perfectly horrible mistakes.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Novelists have, on the average, about the same IQs as the cosmetic consultants at Bloomingdale’s department store. Our power is patience. We have discovered that writing allows even a stupid person to...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Harry closed his eyes. He never wanted to open them again. His heart sent this message to his molecules: "For reasons obvious to all of us, this galaxy is dissolved!

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Kurt Vonnegut

Everything that ever has been always will be, and everything that ever will be always has been.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I'm not a drug salesman. I'm a writer." "What makes you think a writer isn't a drug salesman?

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Kurt Vonnegut

Everybody knows that the dumbest people in any American university are in the education department, and English after that.

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Kurt Vonnegut

What made marriage so difficult back then was yet again that instigator of so many other sorts of heartbreak: the oversize brain.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I'm a painter in my dreams, you know.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Son,' my father said to me, 'someday this will all be yours.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit. I am then asked if I know of any artists who pulled that off. I reply, 'The Beatles...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Thank God for novelists. Thank God there are people willing to write everything down. Otherwise, so much would be forgotten.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming,...

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Kurt Vonnegut

In the era of big brains, life stories could end up any which way. Look at mine.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative.

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Kurt Vonnegut

But some of the nonsense was evil, since it concealed great crimes. For example, teachers of children in the United States of America wrote this date on blackboards again and again, and asked the children...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Our government's got a war on drugs. That's certainly better then no drugs at all.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I said I wasn't interested, and she was bright enough to say that she wasn't really interested either. As things turned out, we both overestimated our apathies, but not that much.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Science never cheered up anyone. The truth about the human situation is just too awful.

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Kurt Vonnegut

You are reading a bold and universal headline which says ,’I am here, I am here, I am here.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but they insist on amassing information.

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Kurt Vonnegut

We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The First Amendment reads more like a dream than a law, and no other nation, so far as I know, has been crazy enough to include such a dream among its fundamental legal documents. I defend it because it...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Luck is not the hand of God.... Luck is the way the wind swirls and the dust settles eons after God has passed by.

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Kurt Vonnegut

The slaves were simply turned loose without any property. They were easily recognizable. They were black. They were suddenly free to go exploring.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go looking for it, and I think it can often be poisonous.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Dwayne's bad chemicals made him take a loaded thirty-eight caliber revolver from under his pillow and stick it in his mouth. This was a tool whose only purpose was to make holes in human beings.

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Kurt Vonnegut

I'm a doctor of cowshit, pigshit, and chickenshit.....when you doctors figure out what you want, you'll find me out in the barn shoveling my thesis.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Their imaginations were flywheels on the ramshackle machinery of the awful truth.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Humor is a way of holding off how awful life can be, to protect yourself.

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Kurt Vonnegut

If you can do no good, at least do no harm.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." (George Santayana) I've got news for Mr. Santayana: we're doomed to repeat the past no matter what. That's what it is to be alive.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Most things in this world don´t work, aspirin do.

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Kurt Vonnegut

if there is a god, he sure hates people

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Kurt Vonnegut

A first grader should understand that her or his culture isn't a rational invention; that there are thousands of other cultures and they all work pretty well; that all cultures function on faith rather...

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Kurt Vonnegut

There is a riddle about a man who is locked in a room with nothing but a bed and a calendar, and the question is: How does he survive? The answer is: He eats dates from the calendar and drinks from the...

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Kurt Vonnegut

A lover's a liar, To himself he lies, The truthful are loveless, Like oysters their eyes!

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Kurt Vonnegut

Out in the world I go! Muggers! Autograph hounds! Junkies! People with real jobs! Maybe an easy lay! United Nation functionaries and diplomats!

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Kurt Vonnegut

The words were a paraphrase of the suggestion of Jesus: "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's." Bokonon's paraphrase was this: "Pay no attention to Caesar. Caesar doesn't have the...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The women all had big minds because they were big animals, but they didn't use them for this reason: unusual ideas could make enemies and the women, if they were going to achieve any sort of comfort and...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The waitress brought me another drink. She wanted to light my hurricane lamp again. I wouldn't let her. "Can you see anything in the dark, with your sunglasses on?" she asked me. "The big show is inside...

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Kurt Vonnegut

The truth is, we know so little about life, we don't really know what the good news is and what the bad news is.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Do I resent rich people? No. The best or worst I can do is notice them. I agree with the great Socialist writer George Orwell, who felt that rich people were poor people with money.

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Kurt Vonnegut

all that has changed, in my opinion, is that, thanks to television, we can hide a great depression. we may even be hiding a third world war

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Kurt Vonnegut

The darkest secret of this country, I am afraid, is that too many of its citizens imagine that they belong to a much higher civilization somewhere else. That higher civilization doesn’t have to be another...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Sometimes I wonder about the Creator of the Universe.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Much of the conversation in the country consisted of lines from television shows, both past and present.

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Kurt Vonnegut

A sane person to an insane society must appear insane.

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Kurt Vonnegut

Comedians and jazz musicians have been more comforting and enlightening to me than preachers or politicians or philosophers or poets or painters or novelists of my time. Historians in the future, in my...

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Kurt Vonnegut

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

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Kurt Vonnegut

People aren’t supposed to look back. I’m certainly not going to do it anymore.

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss