Tucker Max

Born: September 27, 1975

Occupation: Author

Quotes of Tucker Max

Tucker Max

I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter...

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Tucker Max

Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out.

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Tucker Max

I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a “professor

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Tucker Max

I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

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Tucker Max

My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: "Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?

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Tucker Max

Things always work out for me because I do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences.

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Tucker Max

Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.

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Tucker Max

Ladies, you may not realize this, understand this, or even believe this, but everything else we do is ultimately for you. Men don't do anything-create art, build businesses, donate to charity, invent things,...

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Tucker Max

You know that look a cop gives you when he's so confused that he doesn't even know how to respond? If you don't know that look, it means you haven't had enough fun in your life.

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Tucker Max

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

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Tucker Max

I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

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Tucker Max

Yes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but everyone forgets the second half of that quote: the road to heaven is paved with good actions.

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Tucker Max

My path to wisdom began when I stopped pretending to know things I didn't know. When I explicitly admitted to the limits of my knowledge, stopped building on ambiguity and ignorance, and instead realized...

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Tucker Max

Great careers are getting easier to find and audition for, but harder to keep.

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Tucker Max

That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

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Tucker Max

Critics stopped being relevant when they stopped writing to inform and contextualize, and when they started writing to signal who they are, to display their identity by their stance on what they are writing...

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Tucker Max

And I’ve found that, what I now want the most in a woman is—I want a partner. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with...

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Tucker Max

To get hwat you want out of life, all you really need to do is be honest about it, don't be afraid to go for it, and have fun while you do it -- and you'll eventually get it.

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Tucker Max

I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would...

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Tucker Max

But here's the thing about being honest: All the liars HATE you for it, and most of the people in the world are liars. They lie to their bosses, they lie to their families, they lie to themselves, they...

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Tucker Max

The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them

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Tucker Max

Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.

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Tucker Max

You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.

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Tucker Max

Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.

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Tucker Max

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

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Tucker Max

I could never kill myself. What if it doesn't work. Then I'll have failed at the only thing that could save me from my failures. Where do you go from there?

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Tucker Max

Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me" Tucker: "I don't understand the question.

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Tucker Max

No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.

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Tucker Max

The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded".

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Tucker Max

The haters always scream the loudest.

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Tucker Max

Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.

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Tucker Max

At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now.

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Tucker Max

Calling one thing 'literature' and another 'fiction' is a way to create status where there is none.

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Tucker Max

Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.

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Tucker Max

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

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Tucker Max

Frankly, I'd rather make a little bit less money if it means living in a better world for books and publishing in the future.

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Tucker Max

Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much.

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Tucker Max

I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.

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Tucker Max

I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.

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Tucker Max

I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.

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Tucker Max

I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore.

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Tucker Max

I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them.

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Tucker Max

I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.

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Tucker Max

I'm never going to be Tolstoy.

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Tucker Max

I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.

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Tucker Max

I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.

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Tucker Max

I've never really had a media edifice supporting me.

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Tucker Max

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

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Tucker Max

If your parents ignored you, or if they are just not emotionally available, or if they yell a lot, that is a type of trauma.

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Tucker Max

It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way.

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Tucker Max

Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales.

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Tucker Max

Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.

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Tucker Max

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.

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Tucker Max

My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about.

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Tucker Max

The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.

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Tucker Max

If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.

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Tucker Max

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

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Tucker Max

If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.

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Tucker Max

No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren't because you're trying to please a bunch of judgmental...

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Tucker Max

... the devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for ...

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Tucker Max

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty...

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Tucker Max

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss