Henry Cloud quote

"We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change."

Henry Cloud

Born: 1956

Occupation: Clinical psychologist

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More quotes of Henry Cloud

Henry Cloud

Faith goes beyond reason. It goes beyond what you can see. But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.

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Henry Cloud

Diligence is not easy, but we can't reach our goals without it.

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Henry Cloud

A leader's responsibility is to cause a vision and mission to have tangible results in the real world.

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Henry Cloud

The twin sister to autonomy and freedom is responsibility and accountability. You cannot have one with out the other. If someone is given an area of responsibility, not only must they be set free to do...

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Henry Cloud

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part...

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Henry Cloud

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly....

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Henry Cloud

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks...

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Henry Cloud

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

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Henry Cloud

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great...

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Henry Cloud

We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

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Henry Cloud

Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would...

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Henry Cloud

A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.

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Henry Cloud

The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!

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Henry Cloud

Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.

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Henry Cloud

When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility....

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Henry Cloud

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You...

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Henry Cloud

Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.

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Henry Cloud

The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt...

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Henry Cloud

If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.

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Henry Cloud

One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach...

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Henry Cloud

Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.

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Henry Cloud

Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they...

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Henry Cloud

The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.

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Henry Cloud

Christianity is not about morality. It's about reality.

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Henry Cloud

The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.

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Henry Cloud

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.

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Henry Cloud

You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

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Henry Cloud

A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.

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Henry Cloud

The opposite of bad is not good.The opposite of bad is love

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Henry Cloud

In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.

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Henry Cloud

Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.

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Henry Cloud

The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.

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Henry Cloud

To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.

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Henry Cloud

The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.

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Henry Cloud

Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

Be Hard on the issue, Soft on the person.

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Henry Cloud

Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.

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Henry Cloud

Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.

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Henry Cloud

Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.

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Henry Cloud

There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone....

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Henry Cloud

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

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Henry Cloud

Good pain is pain in the service of a purpose. Bad pain is pain endured because we are resisting a needed growth step.

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Henry Cloud

When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.

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Henry Cloud

He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional...

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Henry Cloud

When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability...

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Henry Cloud

Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people.

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Related quote

Henry Cloud

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Tony Robbins

Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

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Henry Cloud

Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Spencer Johnson

Change happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go.

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M. Scott Peck

The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior.

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Ed Foreman

We change when the pain to change is less than the pain to remain as we are.

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Joyce Meyer

There are two kinds of pain: the pain of change and the pain of never changing and remaining the same.

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Howard Barker

Tragedy is the greatest art form of all. It gives us the courage to continue with our life by exposing us to the pain of life. It is unsentimental, it takes us seriously as human beings, it is not condescending....

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Rick Warren

Pain is the fuel of passion - it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don't normally possess.

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Tony Robbins

The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we will instantly change our behaviors.

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Sue Miller

But pain may be a gift to us. Remember, after all, that pain is one of the ways we register in memory the things that vanish, that are taken away. We fix them in our minds forever by yearning, by pain,...

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Dave Ramsey

Change is painful. Few people have the courage to seek out change. Most people won’t change until the pain of where they are exceeds the pain of change.

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David Clement-Davies

Why does death engender fear? Because death meant change, a change greater then we have ever known, and because death was indeed a mirror that made us see ourselves as never before. A mirror that we should...

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Richard Rohr

The Gospel gives our suffering personal and cosmic meaning, by connecting our pain to the pain of others, and finally, by connecting us to the very pain of God.

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Pema Chodron

Someone needs to encourage us not to brush aside what we feel. Not to be ashamed of the love and grief that it arouses in us. Not to be afraid of pain. Someone needs to encourage us: that this soft spot...

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Dean Koontz

Pain is a gift. Humanity, without pain, would know neither fear nor pity. Without fear, there could be no humility, and every man would be a monster. The recognition of pain and fear in others give rise...

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Mary Pipher

When one of us tells the truth, he makes it easier for all of us to open our hearts to our pain and that of others.

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Harry Hay

When we begin to love and respect Great Mother Nature's gift to us of gayness, we'll discover that the bondage of our childhood and adolescence in the trials and tribulations of neitherness was actually...

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Susan Minot

Did people ever stop changing? They surprised you with fresh pain. Sometimes they surprised you with happiness, but the pain was the sharper surprise. There was no way to protect yourself from it. People...

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Ian Fleming

He shrugged his shoulders to shift the pain of failure---the pain that is so much greater than the pleasure of success.

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Sharon Salzberg

In contrast, compassion manifests in us as the offering of kindness rather than withdrawal. Because compassion is a state of mind that is itself open, abundant and inclusive, it allows us to meet pain...

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss