Henry Cloud quote

"Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears."

Henry Cloud

Born: 1956

Occupation: Clinical psychologist

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More quotes of Henry Cloud

Henry Cloud

Faith goes beyond reason. It goes beyond what you can see. But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.

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Henry Cloud

Diligence is not easy, but we can't reach our goals without it.

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Henry Cloud

A leader's responsibility is to cause a vision and mission to have tangible results in the real world.

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Henry Cloud

The twin sister to autonomy and freedom is responsibility and accountability. You cannot have one with out the other. If someone is given an area of responsibility, not only must they be set free to do...

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Henry Cloud

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part...

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Henry Cloud

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly....

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Henry Cloud

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks...

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Henry Cloud

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

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Henry Cloud

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great...

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Henry Cloud

We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

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Henry Cloud

Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would...

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Henry Cloud

A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.

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Henry Cloud

The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!

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Henry Cloud

Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.

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Henry Cloud

When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility....

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Henry Cloud

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You...

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Henry Cloud

Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.

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Henry Cloud

The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt...

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Henry Cloud

If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.

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Henry Cloud

One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach...

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Henry Cloud

Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.

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Henry Cloud

Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they...

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Henry Cloud

The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.

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Henry Cloud

Christianity is not about morality. It's about reality.

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Henry Cloud

The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.

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Henry Cloud

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.

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Henry Cloud

You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

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Henry Cloud

A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.

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Henry Cloud

The opposite of bad is not good.The opposite of bad is love

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Henry Cloud

In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.

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Henry Cloud

Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.

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Henry Cloud

The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.

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Henry Cloud

To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.

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Henry Cloud

The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.

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Henry Cloud

Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

Be Hard on the issue, Soft on the person.

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Henry Cloud

Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.

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Henry Cloud

Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.

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Henry Cloud

Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.

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Henry Cloud

There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone....

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Henry Cloud

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

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Henry Cloud

Good pain is pain in the service of a purpose. Bad pain is pain endured because we are resisting a needed growth step.

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Henry Cloud

When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.

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Henry Cloud

He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional...

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Henry Cloud

When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability...

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Henry Cloud

Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people.

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Related quote

Henry Cloud

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

Read more


Gary Zukav

Your emotional reactions to the evil you encounter and your judgments of it show you what you need to change in yourself. Changing those parts of your personality that judge, react in fear, and cannot...

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Jojo Moyes

Nobody fights you like your own sister; nobody else knows the most vulnerable parts of you and will aim for them without mercy.

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Katherine Howe

...You can have this whole entire life, with all your opinions, your loves, your fears. Eventually those parts of you disappear. And then the people who could remember those parts of you disappear, and...

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Brian Weiss

You need your ego to survive in the three-dimensional world, but you need only that part of the ego which processes information. The rest - pride, arrogance, defensiveness, fear - is worse than useless....

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Robert Redford

Radio, newspapers, they were normal parts of my life. In those days, you had to go somewhere to watch television and leave something to see it.

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Stedman Graham

There are always risks when you chase after a dream because growth requires that you leave your comfort zone and enter unknown territory. But without confronting those risks and facing your fears, you'll...

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Rajneesh

Always make a note of what you are doing and where it leads. By and by, you will become aware of that which is ego and that which is nature; which is real and which is false. It will take time and alertness,...

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Gary Zukav

By choosing your thoughts, and by selecting which emotional currents you will release and which you will reinforce, you determine the quality of your Light. You determine the effects that you will have...

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Rick Warren

If not to God, you will surrender to the opinions or expectations of others, to money, to resentment, to fear, or to your own pride, lusts, or ego. You were designed to worship God and if you fail to worship...

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Dwight L. Moody

Some say if only my fears and doubts will leave then I will get to work. But instead you should get to work and then your fears and doubts will leave.

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Oliver Burkeman

Reassurance can actually exacerbate anxiety: when you reassure your friend that the worst-case scenario he fears probably won't occur, you inadvertently reinforce his belief that it would be catastrophic...

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Ray Bradbury

If you have moved over vast territories and dared to love silly things, you will have learned even from the most primitive items collected and put aside in your life.

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Marcus Buckingham

You grow most in your areas of greatest strength. You will improve the most, be the most creative, be the most inquisitive, and bounce back the fastest in those areas where you have already shown some...

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Rajneesh

"When you accept your life - when you take your breakfast, and when you sleep and when you walk and when you take your bath - how can you create an ego out of these things? Sleeping when feeling sleepy,...

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Ibn Hazm

If you are proud of your descent from virtuous ancestors, how empty their virtue will leave your hands if you yourself are not virtuous. How little pride your ancestors will have in you in this world and...

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William P. Young

So, why do I have so much fear in my life?" "Because you don't believe. You don't know that we love you. The person who lives by his fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational...

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Lisa Ann Sandell

Child, think not of those things, those dark possibilities. Your father and brothers are here with you today. Lavain will tug at your braids, Tirry will sing you songs, and your father will see his wife's...

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Alexis Carrel

If you make a habit of sincere prayer, your life will be very noticeably and profoundly altered. Prayer stamps with its indelible mark our actions and demeanor. A tranquillity of bearing, a facial and...

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Esther Hicks

If you've got somebody's aspects in your experience that you don't like, there's only one reason they're there. You keep evoking them with your attention to them. Without knowing about Law of Attraction,...

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Robin Sharma

Leave your ego at the door every morning, and just do some truly great work. Few things will make you feel better than a job brilliantly done.

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss