Terry Pratchett quote

"Never cross a woman with a star on a stick, young lady. They've got a mean streak."

Terry Pratchett

Born: April 28, 1948

Die: March 12, 2015

Occupation: Author

Comment

More quotes of Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Never trust a species that grins all the time. It’s up to something.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You did what you were told or you didn't get paid, and if things went wrong it wasn't your problem. It was the fault of whatever idiot has accepted this message for sending in the first place. No one cared...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She walked quickly through the darkness with the frank stride of someone who was at least certain that the forest, on this damp and windy night, contained strange and terrible things and she was it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Who'd want a pony when you could have the whole universe? It was far more interesting and you didn't have to muck it out once a week.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The reaper does not listen to the harvest.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The key to winning, as always, was looking as if you had every right, nay, duty to be where you were. It helped if you could also suggest in every line of your body that no one else had any rights to be...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability which affects all too few.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Whut's the plan, Rob?" said one of them. "Okay, lads, this is what we'll do. As soon as we see somethin', we'll attack it. Right?" This caused a cheer. "Ach, 'tis a good plan," said Daft Wullie.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The most important thing was that time had passed, pouring thousands of soothing seconds across the island. People need time to deal with the now before it runs away and becomes the then.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

As large as worlds. As old as Time. As patient as a brick.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When she spoke again it was in the thin, careful and above all brave voice of someone who has pulled themselves together despite overwhelming odds but might let go again at any moment.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Correct observation followed by meticulous deduction and the precise visualization of goals is vital to the success of any enterprise.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream. Tomorrow it's gone.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft. When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Well, the traveling teachers do come through every few months," said the Baron. "Yes, sir, I know, sir, and they're useless, sir. They teach facts, not understanding. It's like teaching people about forests...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

These weren't cheap modern books; these were books bound in leather, and not just leather, but leather from clever cows who had given their lives for literature after a happy existence in the very best...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal-sized billiard balls.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Open your eyes and then open your eyes again.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can’t say ‘if this didn’t happen then that would have happened’ because you don’t know everything that might have happened. You might think something’d be good, but for all you know it...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It must be powerful language if you canna make oout what the heel it’s goin’ on aboot!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When I am old I shall wear midnight.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There is always time for another last minute

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And that's what I don't like about magic, Captain. 'cos it's *magic*. You can't ask questions, it's magic. It doesn't explain anything, it's magic. You don't know where it comes from, it's magic! That's...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And he dreamed the dream of all those who publish books, which was to have so much gold in your pockets that you would have to employ two people just to hold your trousers up.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Stand before your god, bow before your king, kneel before your man.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She was also, by the standards of other people, lost. She would not see it like that. She knew where she was, it was just that everywhere else didn't.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you want to change a whole people, then you start with the girls. It stands to reason: they learn faster, and they pass on what they learn to their children.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One day all of us will die but - and this is the important thing - we are not dead yet.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Time was something that largely happened to other people; he viewed it in the same way that people on the shore viewed the sea. It was big and it was out there, and sometimes it was an invigorating thing...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Magrat had used a lot of powder to make her face pale and interesting. It combined with the lavishly applied mascara to give the guard the impression that he was looking at two flies that had crashed into...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Oh, where are my manners? Do sit down. Pull up a small child.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Anyway, why would you trust anything written down? She certainly didn't trust "Mothers of Borogravia!" and that was from the government. And if you couldn't trust the government, who could you trust? Very...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's not lying when you do it to officers!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Questions don't have to make sense, Vincent," said Miss Susan. "But answers do.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And that's when I first learned about evil. It is built in to the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sometimes the truth is arrived at by adding all the little lies together and deducting them from the totality of what is known.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But here's some advice, boy. Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People look down on stuff like geography and meteorology, and not only because they're standing on one and being soaked by the other. They don't look quite like real science. But geography is only physics...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People are often so busy living that they never stop to wonder why.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Adventure! People talked about the idea as if it were something worthwhile, rather than a mess of bad food, no sleep and strange people inexplicably trying to stick pointed objects in bits of you.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Evil in general does not sleep, and therefore doesn't see why anyone else should.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Hat = wizard, wizard = hat. Everything else is frippery.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That was always the dream, wasn't it? 'I wish I'd known then what I know now'? But when you got older you found out that you NOW wasn't YOU then. You then was a twerp. You then was what you had to be to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I think it's IMPOSSIBLE for anyone famous to come from here, because everyone around here is insane.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He moved on, in the centre of a widening circle. He wasn't an enemy, he was a nemesis.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Steal five dollars and you're a common thief. Steal thousands and you're either the government or a hero.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I certainly don't sit down and plan a book out before I write it. There's a phrase I use called "The Valley Full of Clouds." Writing a novel is as if you are going off on a journey across a valley. The...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This book had two authors, and they were both the same person.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The stories never said why she was wicked. It was enough to be an old woman, enough to be all alone, enough to look strange because you have no teeth. It was enough to be called a witch. If it came to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He thought about how it might be to be, say, a fox confronted with an angry sheep. A sheep moreover, that could afford to employ wolves.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Grinning like a necrophiliac in a morgue.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not miraculous.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Let grammar, punctuation, and spelling into your life! Even the most energetic and wonderful mess has to be turned into sentences.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What did I tell you about Mister Safety Catch?' said Vimes weakly. When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend,' recited Detritus, saluting.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I wouldn't trust you with a bucket of water if my knickers were on fire!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was sad, like those businessmen who came to work in serious clothes but wore colorful ties in a mad, desperate attempt to show there was a free spirit in there somewhere.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He had about the same life expectancy as a three legged hedgehog on a six lane motorway.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He's out of his depth on a wet pavement.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

DO I DETECT A NOTE OF UNSEASONAL GRUMPINESS? said Death. NO SUGAR PIGGYWIGGY FOR YOU, ALBERT.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They felt, in fact, tremendously bucked-up, which was how Lady Ramkin would almost certainly have put it and which was definitely several letters of the alphabet away from how they normally felt.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling 'banana', but didn't know how you stopped.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ridcully was to management what King Herod was to the Bethlehem Playgroup Association.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'm trying to remember how you tell the time by looking at the sun." -"I should leave it for a while, it's too bright to see the numbers at the moment.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Real children do not go hoppity skip unless they are on drugs.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Now he knew: They were real. Who’d make up a thing like this? Okay, one of them was a cheese that rolled around of its own accord, but nobody was perfect.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They always gives me bath salts," complained Nobby. "And bath soap and bubble bath and herbal bath lumps and tons of bath stuff and I can't think why, 'cos it's not as if I hardly ever has a bath. You'd...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Someone got killed up here.... It was outside. A tall man. He had one leg longer’n the other. And a beard. He was probably a hunter." "How’d you know all that?" "I just trod on ‘im.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They may have been ugly. They may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Granny bit her lip. She was never quite certain about children, thinking of them-when she thought about them at all-as coming somewhere between animals and people. She understood babies. You put milk in...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I’m a witch. It’s what we do. When it’s nobody else’s business, it’s my business.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They know that people need witches; they need the unofficial people who understand the difference between right and wrong, and when right is wrong and when wrong is right. The world needs the people who...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

- I USHERED SOULS INTO THE NEXT WORLD. I WAS THE GRAVE OF ALL HOPE. I WAS THE ULTIMATE REALITY. I WAS THE ASSASSIN AGAINST WHOM NO LOCK WOULD HOLD. - "Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Granny sighed. "You have learned something," she said, and thought it safe to insert a touch of sternness into her voice. "They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People don't alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns in it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Tragic heroes always moan when the gods take an interest in them, but it's the people the gods ignore who get the really tough deals

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He looked up at them, a scruffy Napoleon with his laces trailing, exiled to a rose-trellised Elba.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

For the first time in her life Granny wondered whether there might be something important in all these books people were setting store by these days, although she was opposed to books on strict moral grounds,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Inside every lump of coal there's a diamond waiting to get out.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'm trying to have a moment o' existential dreed here, right? Crivens, it's a puir lookout if a man canna feel the chilly winds o' fate lashing aroound his netheres wi'out folks telling him he's deid,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.]

Read more


Terry Pratchett

"I'm sorry, I just got carried away," hissed Aziraphale.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The reason that clichés become clichés is that they are the hammers and screwdrivers in the toolbox of communication.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Why not? If enough people believe, you can be god of anything…

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

HOROSCOPE: Today is a good time for making new friends. A good deed may have unforeseen consequences. Don’t upset any druids. You will soon be going on a very strange journey. Your lucky food is small...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This is a lovely party," said the Bursar to a chair, "I wish I was here.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot's mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ye know full well that the meaning of life is to find your gift. To find your gift is happiness. Never tae find it is misery.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Fear is a strange soil. It grows obedience like corn, which grow in straight lines to make weeding easier. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This book was written using 100% recycled words.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Balance. It was all about balance. That had been one of the first things that she had learned: the centre of the seesaw has neither up nor down, but upness and downness flow through it while it remains...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No more words. We know them all, all the words that should not be said. But you have made my world more perfect.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Occasionally he would very nearly swear.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This man was so absent-mindedly clever that he could paint pictures that didn’t just follow you around the room but went home with you and did the washing-up.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Chances are where you find them

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Would a minute have mattered? No, probably not, although his young son appeared to have a very accurate internal clock. Possibly even 2 minutes would be okay. Three minutes, even. You could go to five...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Things have no power that humans don't put there.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you really want to upset a witch, do her a favor which she has no means of repaying. The unfulfilled obligation will nag at her like a hangnail.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A witch who is bored might do ANYTHING. People said things like 'we had to make our own amusements in those days' as if this signified some kind of moral worth, and perhaps it did, but the last thing you...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Even if it's not your fault, it's your responsibility.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Knowing things is magical, if other people don't know them.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The thief, as will become apparent, was a special type of thief. This thief was an artist of theft. Other thieves merely stole everything that was not nailed down, but this thief stole the nails as well.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And what had he wanted? He'd never sat down to think about it. But mostly, he wanted yesterday to be different from today.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You are very clever," said the old man shyly. "I would like to eat your brains, one day.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was, according to the history books, the fastest coronation since Bubric the Saxon crowned himself with a very pointy crown on a hill during a thunderstorm, and reigned for one and a half seconds.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There should be a word for that brief period just after waking when the mind is full of warm pink nothing. You lie there entirely empty of thought, except for a growing suspicion that heading towards you,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Either dragons should exist completely or fail to exist at all, he felt. A dragon only half-existing was worse than the extremes.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is at this point that normal language gives up, and goes and has a drink.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I’ve seen excitement, and I’ve seen boredom. And boredom was best.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Fate can be one mean god at times.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

SOONER OR LATER ALL MEN MUST DIE. EVERYTHING DIES IN THE END. I CAN BE ROBBED BUT NEVER DENIED, I TOLD MYSELF. WHY WORRY? “I too cannot be cheated,” snapped Fate.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Personal’s not the same as important. People just think it is.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Words are the litmus paper of the mind.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The most prudent thing any intelligent animal can do, if it would prefer its descendents not to spend a lot of time on a slab with electrodes clamped to their brains or sticking mines on the bottom of...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This I choose to do. If there is a price, this I choose to pay. If it is my death, then I choose to die. Where this takes me, there I choose to go. I choose. This I choose to do.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No, what he didn't like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But ye gotta know where ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush in anywhere. It looks bad, havin' to rush oout again straight awa'.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What's the orbital velocity of the moon?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I know it's a very human thing to say 'Is there anything I can do,' but in this case I would only entertain offers from very high-end experts in brain chemistry.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't inspire people with facts. They need a cause. They need a symbol.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Oh, a very useful philosophical animal, your average tortoise. Outrunning metaphorical arrows, beating hares in races... very handy.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Of course, just because we've heard a spine-chilling, blood-curdling scream of the sort to make your very marrow freeze in your bones doesn't automatically mean there's anything wrong.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If I knew that I could die, I would live. My life, my death, my choice.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I think you should be proud of not being worse than just deeply introverted and socially maladjusted.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Knowledge is dangerous, which is why governments often clamp down on people who can think thoughts above a certain caliber.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Thats how we survive infinity - we kill it by breaking it up into small bits.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Not all questions are answered, but fortunately some answers are questioned.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The truth is a fog, in which one man sees the heavenly host and the other one sees a flying elephant.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A bad hunter chases. A good hunter waits.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Are you a devious, plotting, unreliable madman? Ah, good, then you can be my most trusted advisor.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Things just happen. What the hell.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Given enough coffee I could rule the world

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Technically, the city of Ankh-Morpork is a Tyranny, which is not always the same thing as a monarchy, and in fact even the post of Tyrant has been somewhat redefined by the incumbent, Lord Vetinari, as...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sham Harga had run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The space between the young reader’s eyeballs and the printed page is a holy place and officialdom should trample all over it at their peril.’

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In fact, very few people on the face of the planet know that the very shape of the M25 forms the sigil *odegra* in the language of the Black Priesthood of Ancient Mu, and means 'Hail the Great Beast, Devourer...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I could be wrong. Not being certain is what being a philosopher is all about.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Look at Satan. Created as an angel, grows up to be the Great Adversary. Hey, if you’re going to go on about genetics, you might as well say the kid will grow up to be an angel. After all, his father...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Nothing but dust and fundamentalists.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What's money interested in? More money.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But of course, what the eagle does not realize is that it is participating in a very crude form of natural selection.One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

An ancient proverb summed it up when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don’t see why it matters what is written. Not when it’s about people. It can always be crossed out.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's either because of the number of times the scholar puts the boot into Peter Jackson the director of The Lord of the Rings films or is making a point they have never heard of.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power... they will talk, they...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ninety percent of most magic merely consists of knowing one extra fact.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When millions of tons of angry elephant come spinning through the sky, and there was no one there to hear it, does it - philosopically speaking - make a noise

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I used to think that I was stupid, and then I met philosophers.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No real sunrise could paint the sky Surgical Appliance Pink.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Particles of raw inspiration sleet through the universe all the time. Every once in a while one of them hits a receptive mind, which then invents DNA or the flute sonata form or a way of making light bulbs...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Unlike wizards, who like nothing better than a complicated hierarchy, witches don't go in much for the structured approach to career progression. It's up to each individual witch to take on a girl to hand...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Demons were like genies or philosophy professors - if you didn't word things exactly right, they delighted in giving you absolutely accurate and completely misleading answers.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And never resist a perfect moment.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There is no doubt that being human is incredibly difficult and cannot be mastered in one lifetime.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What's the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can't blow something up?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Education had been easy. Learning things had been harder.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ach, people are always telling us not to do things" said Rob Anybody, "that's how we ken the most interesting things to do.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are no medium-sized trees in the deep forest. There are only the towering ones, whose canopy spreads across the sky. Below, in the gloom, there's light for nothing but mosses and ferns. But when...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Librarian considered matters for a while. So…a dwarf and a troll. He preferred both species to humans. For one thing, neither of them were great readers. The Librarian was, of course, very much in...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If words had weight, a single sentence from Death would have anchored a ship.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They obeyed, as wise men do when a woman puts her foot down . . .

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Don't do anything I wouldn't do, if you ever find anything I wouldn't do.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The more you think about it, the more amazing the everyday world of human beings becomes: most of it doesn't actually exist at all.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage. Besides you don't build a better world by choppin' heads off and giving...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The city's full of people who you just see around.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Humans had built a world inside the world, which reflected it in pretty much the same way as a drop of water reflected the landscape. And yet ... and yet ... Inside this little world they had taken pains...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The short conversation that follows eventually led to a tree religion. Its tenet of faith was this: a tree that was a good tree and led a clean decent and upstanding life could be assured of a future life...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When people say "clearly" something that means there's a huge crack in their argument and they know things aren't clear at all.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out," said the shopkeeper. "That's what I've always thought. No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The truth isn't easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap and much more difficult to find.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

These weren't encouraged in the city, since the heft and throw of a longbow's arrow could send it through an innocent bystander a hundred yards away instead of the innocent bystander at whom it was aimed.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She was, in fact, quite a pleasant looking girl, even if her bosom had clearly been intended for a girl two feet taller; but she was not Her. The Egregious Professor of Grammar and Usage would have corrected...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Currently, it was leading him through a neighborhood that was on the downside of whatever curve you hoped you'd bought your property on the upside of. Graffiti and garbage were everywhere here. They were...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Progress just means bad things happen faster.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sybil's female forebears had valiantly backed up their husbands as distant embassies were besieged, had given birth on a camel or in the shade of a stricken elephant, had handed around the little gold...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

- I notice you didn't laugh, Mr. Black! - No, Your Majesty. We are forbidden to laugh at the things kings say, sire, because otherwise we would be at it all day.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And Sam Vimes thought: Why is Young Sam's nursery full of farmyard animals anyway? Why are his books full of moo-cows and baa-lambs? He is growing up in the city. He will only see them on a plate! They...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In defiance of Miss Maccalariat I'd like to commit hanky-panky with you, Miss Adora Belle Dearheart... well, certainly hanky, and possibly panky when we get to know one another better.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She'd stopped reading the kind of women's magazine that talked about romance and knitting and started reading the kind of women's magazine that talked about orgasms, but apart from making a mental note...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Lessee...he'd gone off after the funeral and gotten drunk. No, not drunk, another word, ended with "er." Drunker. that was it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Some people are heroes. And some people jot down notes.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Oh, my dear Vimes, history changes all the time. It is constantly being re-examined and re-evaluated, otherwise how would we be able to keep historians occupied? We can't possibly allow people with their...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She got on with her education. In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sometimes the crime follows the punishment, which only serves to prove the foresight of the Great God." "That's what my grandmother used to say," said Brutha automatically. "Indeed? I would like to know...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was quite impossible to describe. Here is what it looked like. It looked like a piano sounds shortly after being dropped down a well. It tasted yellow, and it felt Paisley. It smelled like the total...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People were people, even if they had four legs and had called themselves names like Dangerous Beans, which is the kind of name you gave yourself if you learned to read before you understood what all the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

My name is immaterial,' she said. That's a pretty name,' said Rincewind.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The hippo of recollection stirred in the muddy waters of the mind.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sometimes words need music too. Sometimes the descriptions are not enough. Books should be written with soundtracks, like films.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Little fussy Otto, in his red-lined black opera cloak with pockets for all his gear, his shiny black shoes, his carefully cut widow's peak and, not least, his ridiculous accent that grew thicker or thinner...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don't hold with paddlin' with the occult," said Granny firmly. "Once you start paddlin' with the occult you start believing in spirits, and when you start believing in spirits you start believing in...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Legends don't have to make sense. They just have to be beautiful. Or at least interesting.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The librarians were mysterious. It was said they could tell what book you needed just by looking at you, and they could take your voice away with a word.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But there was more to it than that. As the Amazing Maurice said, it was just a story about people and rats. And the difficult part of it was deciding who the people were, and who were the rats.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

YOU FEAR TO DIE? "It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always...it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Credulous: having views about the world, the universe and humanity's place in it that are shared only by very unsophisticated people and the most intelligent and advanced mathematicians and physicists.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Omens are everywhere in this world you just have to find the one that fits.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE, said Death. OTHERWISE, WHAT IS 4:30 A.M. FOR?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One person is nothing. Two people are a nation.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Look, he said to his imagination, if this is how you're going to behave, I shan't bring you again.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Most species do their own evolving, making it up as they go along, which is the way Nature intended. And this is all very natural and organic and in tune with mysterious cycles of the cosmos, which believes...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He'd noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: it fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting 'All the Gods are bastards.'

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it's not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would much rather you weren't doing.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out til too late that he's been playing with two queens all along.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The baby boomers are getting older, and will stay older for longer. And they will run right into the dementia firing range. How will a society cope? Especially a society that can't so readily rely on those...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Taxation is just a sophisticated way of demanding money with menaces.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I am certain no one sets out to be cruel, but our treatment of the elderly ill seems to have no philosophy to it. As a society, we should establish whether we have a policy of life at any cost.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I know three people who have got better after a brain tumour. I haven't heard of anyone who's got better from Alzheimer's.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sooner or later we're all someone's dog.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't build a plot out of jokes. You need tragic relief. And you need to let people know that when a lot of frightened people are running around with edged weaponry, there are deaths. Stupid deaths,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Genius is always allowed some leeway, once the hammer has been pried from its hands and the blood has been cleaned up.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Writing is the most fun you can have by yourself.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Never trust any complicated cocktail that remains perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What is normal? Normal was yesterday. If you lose a leg, one day you're hopping around on one leg, so you know the difference.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I have to write because if I don't get something down then after a while I feel it's going to bang the side of my head off.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'm glad a genre writer has got a knighthood, but stunned that it was me.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The most watched programme on the BBC, after the news, is probably 'Doctor Who.' What has happened is that science fiction has been subsumed into modern literature. There are grandparents out there who...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Fantasy is uni-age. You can start it in the creche, and it follows you to death.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Freedom without limits is just a word.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I got into science fiction by being interested in astronomy first.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I grow as many of our vegetables as I can, because my granddad was a professional gardener, and it's in the blood.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I mean, I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I'm me.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I was a very keen reader of science fiction.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I've got wide tastes, but I don't like jazz.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If it wasn't for the fun and money, I really don't know why I'd bother.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Knowing that you are going to die is, I suspect, the beginning of wisdom.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When you read, I'm sure you don't realize that your eyes are going backwards and forwards and to this place and that place. Mine don't do that.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When you're all singing together, it brings things together. I know the songs that my grandfather and my father sang.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In the first book of my Discworld series, published more than 26 years ago, I introduced Death as a character; there was nothing particularly new about this - death has featured in art and literature since...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It seems sensible to me that we should look to the medical profession, that over the centuries has helped us to live longer and healthier lives, to help us die peacefully among our loved ones in our own...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The ideal death, I think, is what was the ideal Victorian death, you know, with your grandchildren around you, a bit of sobbing. And you say goodbye to your loved ones, making certain that one of them...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I believe it should be possible for someone stricken with a serious and ultimately fatal illness to choose to die peacefully with medical help, rather than suffer.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

My advice is this. For Christ's sake, don't write a book that is suitable for a kid of 12 years old, because the kids who read who are 12 years old are reading books for adults. I read all of the James...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

'Discworld' is taking something that you know is ridiculous and treating it as if it is serious, to see if something interesting happens when you do so.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I intend, before the endgame looms, to die sitting in a chair in my own garden with a glass of brandy in my hand and Thomas Tallis on the iPod. Oh, and since this is England, I had better add, 'If wet,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Mum had done everything you need to educate a kid. She made me a kid who likes books and she told me about 'Wind in the Willows' and read it and I thought this is weird, Rat, Mole, Toad and my first ever...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No one's policing their own minds more than an author. You spend a lot of time in your own head analysing what you think about things, and a philosophy comes.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There was once a caustic comment from someone suggesting I was breeding a new race. Fans from different countries have married, amazing things like that. I've been to some of the weddings. I went to one...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I particularly admire are Mark Twain and Jerome K. Jerome who wrote in a certain tone of voice which was humane and understanding of humanity, but always ready to annotate its little foibles. I think I'd...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I regarded finding I had a form of Alzheimer's as an insult and decided to do my best to marshal any kind of forces I could against this wretched disease. I have posterior cortical atrophy or PCA. They...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour of Magic' most of the city is set alight. It's a joke, in much the same way that...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'm a fantasy writer, called a fantasy writer. But there's very little, apart from one or two basic concepts in 'I Shall Wear Midnight,' which are in fact fantasy. You have sticks that fly, but they're...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It cannot be said often enough that science fiction as a genre is incredibly educational - and I'm speaking the written science fiction, not 'Star Trek.' Science fiction writers tend to fill their books...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

My own books drive themselves. I know roughly where a book is going to end, but essentially the story develops under my fingers. It's just a matter of joining the dots.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The bravest person I've ever met was a young boy going through massive amounts of treatment for a very rare, complex and unpleasant disease. I last saw him at a Discworld convention, where he chose to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

An author writes a book, and that's the book at that point. And if the author writes the book again, then somehow something has gone wrong, if you see what I mean.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

For an author, the nice characters aren't much fun. What you want are the screwed up characters. You know, the characters that are constantly wondering if what they are doing is the right thing, characters...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I can no longer type, so I use TalkingPoint and Dragon Dictate. It's a speech-to-text program, and there's an add-on for talking which some guys came up with.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I do not, in fact, use many puns. Certainly there are far fewer than people believe. But I suspect the ones I do occasionally use tend to hang around in people's memories for a while.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I must have read every issue of 'Punch' published in the 20th century, and I think in the process I picked up the true voice of English humour - that amiable, fairly liberal, laconic voice which you find...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I think I work much harder on the children's books. I suppose I enjoy that. I find it interesting that although there are more than 30 books in the Discworld series, it is the four that were written for...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I think I would like to go into modelling. Of course, I don't know how to do it, and wouldn't be any good at it if I did, so I'm going to employ someone to walk the catwalks on my behalf. It would still...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I think we are waiting for an e-book that even non-techies can be comfortable with. From my point of view, the biggest change is that I don't have to spend most of the day printing out and packaging a...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'm not really good at fun-to-know, human interest stuff. We're not 'celebrities', whose life itself is a performance. Good or bad or ugly, we are our words. They're what people meet.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I've always felt that what I have going for me is not my imagination, because everyone has an imagination. What I have is a relentlessly controlled imagination. What looks like wild invention is actually...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I've lost both parents in the last two years, so you pick up on that stuff. That's the most terrible thing about being an author - standing there at your mother's funeral, but you don't switch the author...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In all seriousness, people think that it's the ideas that are important. Well, everyone has ideas, all the time. I tend to write mine down and remember them, but at some point you have to apply the bum...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One thing that writers have in common is that they are readers first. They have read lots and lots of stuff, because they're just infested with lots of stuff.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Previous generations understood about death, and undoubtedly would have seen a reasonable amount of death. Once you get into the Victorian era, you might well have seen the funerals of many of your siblings...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The only superstition I have is that I must start a new book on the same day that I finish the last one, even if it's just a few notes in a file. I dread not having work in progress.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The thing is, 'Discworld' had been going on for a very long time, and I've written children's books as well. Usually when people have a really big series they franchise it, which I thought is a bit of...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't remember the plot of the Dr Who movie because it didn't have one, just a lot of plot holes strung together. It did have a lot of flashing lights, though.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Several sellers of hot meat pies and sausages in a bun had appeared from nowhere and were doing a brisk trade. [Footnote: They always do, everywhere. No-one sees them arrive. The logical explaination is...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Carpe Jugulum," read Agnes aloud. "That's... well, Carpe Diem is 'Sieze the Day,' so this means-" "Go for the throat

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That's a nice song,' said young Sam, and Vimes remembered that he was hearing it for the first time. It's an old soldiers' song,' he said. Really, sarge? But it's about angels.' Yes, thought Vimes, and...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You just put that sword away, sir, please," said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes. "You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder," said the captain calmly. "Not where I'm aiming, sir.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Magic never dies. It merely fades away.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...Granny Weatherwax, who had walked nightly without fear in the bandit-haunted forests of the mountains all her life in the certain knowledge that the darkness held nothing more terrible than she was...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you kept changing the way people saw the world, you ended up changing the way you saw yourself.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Building a temple didn't mean you believed in gods, it just meant you believed in architecture.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

‎No one remembers the singer. The song remains.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The price of being the best is having to be the best.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat was getting.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People aren't just people, they are people surrounded by circumstances.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Perhaps the magic would last, perhaps it wouldn't. But then again, what does?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Probably the last man who knew how it worked had been tortured to death years before. Or as soon as it was installed. Killing the creator was a traditional method of patent protection.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I wonder if it's like this for mountain climbers, he thought. You climb bigger and bigger mountains and you know that one day one of them is going to be just that bit too steep. But you go on doing it,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Theres no stink more sorrorful than the stink of wet, burnt paper. It means: the end.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are millions of chords. There are millions of numbers. And everyone forgets the one that is a zero. But without the zero, numbers are just arithmetic. Without the empty chord, music is just noise.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Nanny Ogg never did any housework herself, but she was the cause of housework in other people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was like being in a Jane Austen novel, but one with far less clothing.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's hard to explain," said Brutha. "But I think it's got something to do with how people should behave... you should do things because they're right. Not because gods say so. They might say something...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I think," he said, "I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Om rubed his head. This wasn't god-like thinking. It seemed simpler when you were up here. It was all a game. You forgot that it wasn't a game down there. People died. Bits got chopped off. We're like...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There will be justice," said Brutha. "If there is no justice, there is nothing.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What was supposed to be so special about a full moon? It was only a big circle of light. And the dark of the moon was only darkness. But halfway between the two, when the moon was between the worlds of...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This time it had been magic. And it didn't stop being magic just because you found out how it was done.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The secret is not to dream," she whispered. "The secret is to wake up. Waking up is harder. I have woken up and I am real. I know where I come from and I know where I'm going. You cannot fool me any more....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Most horses don't walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can't see doesn't exist.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He sighed. It had come to this. He was a responsible authority, and people could use terms like "core values" at him with impunity.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Lord Vetinari lifted an eyebrow with the care of one who, having found a piece of caterpillar in his salad, raises the rest of the lettuce.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Humans need fantasy in order to be human.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Assassins did have a certain code, after all. It was dishonorable to kill someone if you weren't being paid.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is possibly worth mentioning at this point that Mr. Young thought that paparazzi was a kind of Italian linoleum.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Creators aren't gods. They make places, which is quite hard. It's men that make gods. This explains a lot.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Few things are hidden from a quiet child with good eyesight.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There's a door." "Where does it go?" "It stays where it is, I think.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realize that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology," quoted Rincewind. "Ah," said Eric, "Good." "No," said Rincewind patiently. "It means time measurement." "Oh.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT." Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's the end game that people dread and that's what I'm scared of

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Before you can kill a demon, you have to be able to say it's name. Names have power. While the word Alzheimer's terrorizes us, it has power over us. When we are prepared to discuss it aloud, we might have...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don't think I've drunk enough beer to understand that.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was raining in the small, mountainous country of Llamedos. It was always raining in Llamedos. Rain was the country's main export. It had rain mines.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Man just went past with a cat on his head,

Read more


Terry Pratchett

We're on a mission from Glod.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

at least nine-tenths of all the original reality ever created lies outside the multiverse, and since the multiverse by definition includes absolutely everything that is anything, this puts a bit of a strain...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She was a beefy young woman and, whatever piece of music she was playing, it was definitely losing.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Captain of the Watch says if you're still in the City by sunrise he will personally have you buried alive.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Look out! He's got a daisy!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I MAY HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF SOME FLICKER OF EMOTION IN THE RECENT PAST, said Death, BUT I CAN GIVE IT UP ANY TIME I LIKE.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Or -- and this she knew was a far more accurate way of looking at it -- the book was true and reality was lying.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

So much universe, and so little time.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You have the effrontery to be squeamish, it thought at him. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape – the great face...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You’d better tell me what you know, toad,” said Tiffany. “Miss Tick isn’t here. I am.” “Another world is colliding with this one,” said the toad. “There. Happy now? That’s what Miss Tick...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Child. That was a terrible thing to say to anyone who was almost thirteen.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She was not, herself, hugely in favour of motherhood in general. Obviously it was necessary, but it wasn't exactly difficult. Even cats managed it. But women acted as if they'd been given a medal that...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Haven't you got any romance in your soul?" said Magrat plaintively. "No," said Granny. "I ain't. And stars don't care what you wish, and magic don't make things better, and no one doesn't get burned who...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They looked at one another in incomprehension, two minds driving opposite ways up a narrow street and waiting for the other man to reverse first.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Asking someone to repeat a phrase you'd not only heard very clearly but were also exceedingly angry about was around Defcon II in the lexicon of squabble.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No clowns were funny. That was the whole purpose of a clown. People laughed at clowns, but only out of nervousness. The point of clowns was that, after watching them, anything else that happened seemed...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Funny, reely," he said. "You spend your whole life goin' to school and learnin' stuff, and they never tell you about stuff like the Bermuda Triangle and UFOs and all these Old Masters running around the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You are very clever,' said the old man shyly. 'I would like to eat your brains, one day,' For some reason the books of etiquette that Daphne's grandmother had forced on her didn't quite deal with this....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And our lady friend, she thinks life works like a fairy tale.' Well, that’s harmless, isn’t it?' Yeah, but in fairy tales, when someone dies... it’s just a word.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Some people are confident because they are fools. Leonard had the look of someone who was confident because, so far, he'd never found a reason not to be.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The thing about witchcraft," said Mistress Weatherwax, "is that it's not like school at all. First you get the test, and then afterward you spend years findin' out how you passed it. It's a bit like life...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Any sensible ruler would have killed off Leonard, and Lord Vetinari was extremely sensible and often wondered why he had not done so. He'd decided that it was because, imprisoned in the priceless, inquiring...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But you ain't part of it, are you?" said Granny conversationally. "You try, but you always find yourself watchin' yourself watchin' people, eh? Never quite believin' anything? Thinkin' the wrong thoughts?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I just rearrange words into a pleasing order for money.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Any fool could be a witch with a runic knife, but it took skill to be one with an apple corer.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Vimes stalked gloomily through the crowded streets, feeling like the only pickled onion in a fruit salad.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself. The world would be a happier place if more people remembered that.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This looks like a job for inadvisably applied magic if ever I saw one.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You get a wonderful view from the point of no return.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There’s no point in believing in things that exist.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The universe was bad enough without people poking it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

His mind worked fast, flying in emergency supplies of common sense, as human minds do, to construct a huge anchor in sanity and prove that what happened hadn't really happened and, if it had happened,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Mr. Tulip lived his life on that thin line most people occupy just before they haul off and hit someone repeatedly with a wrench.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The brain works fast when it thinks it’s about to be cut in half.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But I think you have a right to know what it is you’re not being told.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Witches aren’t like that. We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and it’s wicked of them to say we don’t. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

All the higher life forms scythed away, just like that. [ . . . ] Nothing but dust and fundamentalists.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They've got something they do it with, I think it's called a mocracy, and it means everyone in the whole country can say who the new Tyrant is. One man ... one vet. ... Everyone has ... the vet. Except...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They may be called the Palace Guard, the City Guard, or the Patrol. Whatever the name, their purpose in any work of heroic fantasy is identical: it is, round about Chapter Three (or ten minutes into the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as "slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked as though it had beed badgered, wolved and possibly beared...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Mister Teatime had a truly brilliant mind, but it was brilliant like a fractured mirror, all marvellous facets and rainbows but, ultimately, also something that was broken.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Down there - he said - are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any inequity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathsomeness of the great...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Oh. I see. People don't want to see what can't possibly exist.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

History isn't like that. History unravels gently, like an old sweater. It has been patched and darned many times, reknitted to suit different people, shoved in a box under the sink of censorship to be...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Last night there seemed to be a chance. Anything was possible last night. That was the trouble with last nights. They were always followed by this mornings.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

but what should we do when the highborn and wealthy take to crime? Indeed, if a poor man will spend a year in prison for stealing out of hunger, how high would the gallows need to be to hang the rich man...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone’s wallets.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Dedication: My thanks to the people who showed me that opera was stranger than I could imagine. I can best repay their kindness by not mentioning their names here.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Any true wizard, faced with a sign like 'Do not open this door. Really. We mean it. We're not kidding. Opening this door will mean the end of the universe,' would automatically open the door in order to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Unseen University was much bigger on the inside. Thousands of years as the leading establishment of practical magic in a world where dimensions were largely a matter of chance in any case had left it bulging...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The jurisdiction of a good man extends to the end of the world.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

God does not play games with His loyal servants", said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice. "Whoopee", said Crowley.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then gettin' upset cos' they act like people", said Adam severely. "Anyway, if you stopped tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was then that Marvin got religion. Not the quiet, personal kind, that involves doing good deeds and living a better life; not even the kind that involves putting on a suit and ringing' people's doorbells;...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

5.Buggre Alle this for a Larke I amme sick to mye Hart of typefetinge. Master Biltonn if no Gentelmann, and Master Scagges now more that a tighte fisted Southwarke Knobbefticke. I telle you, onne a daye...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sister Mary was a nurse and nurses, whatever their creed, are primarily nurses, which had a lot to do with wearing your watch upside down, keeping calm in emergencies, and dying for a cup of tea.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

(About sweeping).... What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I tell you, commander, it's true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they're doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And what are you doing on it, I would like to know? Running away from home, yesno? If you were a boy I'd say are you going to seek your fortune?" "Can't girls seek their fortune?" "I think they're supposed...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Well, the news has got around. The Duchess of Keepsake has invited us to a ball, Sir Henry and Lady Withering have invited us to a ball, and Lord and Lady Hangfinger have invited us to... yes, a ball."...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Tell someone you are going to rob them and all that will happen is that you'll get a reputation as a truthful man.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There was no safety. There was no pride. All there was, was money. Everything became money, and money became everything. Money treated us as if we were things, and we died.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People don't like change. But make the change fast enough and you go from one type of normal to another.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Death strode away, stopped, and came back. He pointed a skeletal finger at The Duck Man. WHY, he said, ARE YOU WALKING AROUND WITH THAT DUCK? "What duck?" AH. SORRY.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Fantasy doesn't have to be fantastic. American writers in particular find this much harder to grasp. You need to have your feet on the ground as much as your head in the clouds. The cute dragon that sits...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ye ken, we've been robbin' and running aroound on all kinds o' worlds for a lang time, and I'll tell ye this: The universe is a lot more comp-li-cated than it looks from the ooutside.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A weapon you held and didn't know how to use belonged to your enemy.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Goodness is about what you do. Not who you pray to.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He'd heard that writers spent all day in their dressing gowns drinking champagne. This is, of course, absolutely true.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There was no himself in himself.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He hated games they made the world look too simple. Chess, in particular, had always annoyed him. It was the dumb way the pawns went off and slaughtered their fellow pawns while the king lounged about...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Anyway, if you stop tellin' people it's all sorted out afer they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'm not the world's greatest expert, but I would have thought that the wizards, witches, trolls, unicorns, ... broomsticks and spells would have given her a clue?' - when J.K. Rowling insisted she wasn't...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is said that the Devil has all the best tunes. This is broadly true. But Heaven has the best choreographers

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And then there were cats, thought Dog. He'd surprised the huge ginger cat from next door and had attempted to reduce it to cowering jelly by means of the usual glowing stare and deep-throated growl, which...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Even our fears make us feel important, because we fear we might not be.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And the new day was a great big fish

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The thing about stories is you have to pick the ones that last.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Heaven has no taste." "Now-" "And not one single sushi restaurant." A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Monsters are getting more uppity, too (...) I heard where this guy, he killed this monster in this lake, no problem, stuck its arm up over the door (...) and you know what? Its mum come and complained....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You say that you people don’t burn folk and sacrifice people anymore, but that’s what true faith would mean, y’see? Sacrificin’ your own life, one day at a time, to the flame, declarin’ the truth...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's beautiful," said Mort softly. "What is it?" THE SUN IS UNDER THE DISC, said Death. "Is it like this every night?" EVERY NIGHT, said Death. NATURE'S LIKE THAT. "Doesn't anyone know?" ME. YOU. THE GODS....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Yes, sir, thank you, sir, and I wouldn’t trust me one little inch, sir. I knows a bad one when I sees them. I have a mirror.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The IQ of a mob is the IQ of its dumbest member divided by the number of mobsters.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That was the very centre of his genius - he invented things that anyone could have thought of, and men who can invent things that anyone could have thought of are very rare men.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because - what with trolls and dwarfs and so on - speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Don't stick your nose where someone can pull it off and eat it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It as true that normal people couldn't hear Gaspode speak, because dogs don't speak. It's a well know fact. ... Besides, almost all dogs don't talk. Ones that do are merely a statistical error, and can...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Although the scythe isn't pre-eminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants' revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I know it’s not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig!" "My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow…" "Is that so? Well, miss, you...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I thought it very strange, and very sad, that the fairy kingdom largely appears to be English. I thought it was time for some regional representation. And the Nac Mac Feegle are, well, they're like tiny...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe. Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

[...] the awesome splendor of the universe is much easier to deal with if you think of it as a series of small chunks.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

William: "I'm sure we can all pull together, sir." Vetinari: "Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

We're dealing here," said Vimes, "With a twisted mind." "Oh, no! You think so?" "Yes." "But... no... you can't be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time." "Not Nobby," said Vimes testily. "Whatever...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Silverfish looked down. "Oh. Are you a dwarf?" Cuddy gave him a blank stare. "Are you a giant?" He said. "Me? Of course not!" "Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Right!" "Right!" "You can get there!" "I can get there!" "You're a natural at counting to two!" "I'm a nat'ral at counting to two!" "If you can count to two, you can count to anything!" "If I can count...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Cake is not the issue here.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Find the story, Granny Weatherwax always said. She believed that the world was full of story shapes. If you let them, they controlled you. But if you studied them, if you found out about them... you could...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don't regret it, you know. I would do it all again. Children are our hope for the future." THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE FUTURE, said Death. "What does it contain, then?" ME.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Despite rumor, Death isn't cruel--merely terribly, terribly good at his job.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying isolated things like, "Well, isn't this nice.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Money doesn't buy happiness, Gytha." "I only wanted to rent it for a few weeks!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

IT'S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE, said the Hogfather. "You mean sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?" YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I was just a kid then. But I won't forget. Nor will others. There's lots of people with reason to hate the Church.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Privilege (to the privileged) means having private laws.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If failure had no penalty success would not be a prize.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Rincewind tried to force the memory out of his mind, but it was rather enjoying itself there, terrorizing the other occupants and kicking over the furniture.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...the little man's total obliviousness to all forms of danger somehow made danger so discouraged that it gave up and went away.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You'll see! We're going to the palace. Fetch Angua. We might need her. And bring the search warrant. You mean the sledgehammer, sir? Yes.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There would be a price... But if you were worried about the price, then why were you in the shop?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sam Vimes could parallel process. Most husbands can. They learn to follow their own line of thought while at the same time listening to what their wives say. And the listening is important, because at...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Neither claimed any responsibility for Milton Keynes, but both reported it as a success.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Most witches don’t believe in gods. They know that the gods exist, of course. They even deal with them occasionally. But they don’t believe in them. They know them too well. It would be like believing...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He felt that the darkness was full of unimaginable horrors - and the trouble with unimaginable horrors was that they were only too easy to imagine...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Most modern fantasy just rearranges the furniture in Tolkien's attic.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The calendar of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You take a bunch of people who don't seem any different from you and me, but when you add them all together you get this sort of huge raving maniac with national borders and an anthem.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Their families cordially detested one another.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He had never been interested in stories at any age, and had never quite understood the basic concept. He'd never read a work of fiction all the way through. He did remember, as a small boy, being really...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Picture a tall, dark figure, surrounded by cornfields... NO, YOU CAN'T RIDE A CAT. WHO EVER HEARD OF THE DEATH OF RATS RIDING A CAT? THE DEATH OF RATS WOULD RIDE SOME KIND OF DOG. Picture more fields,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...'I thought the rule was that all monks were shaved.' 'Oh, Soto says he is bald under the hair,'said Lu Tze. 'He says the hair is a separate creature that just happens to live on him.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If women were as good as men they'd be a lot better!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Things like crowns had a troublesome effect on clever folk; it was best to leave all the reigning to the kind of people whose eyebrows met in the middle when they tried to think. In a funny sort of way,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone’s mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I reckon responsible behavior is something to get when you grow older. Like varicose veins.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The theater troubled her. It had a magic of its own, one that didn’t belong to her, one that wasn’t in her control. It changed the world, and said things were otherwise than they were. And it was worse...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This is Art holding a Mirror up to Life. That’s why everything is exactly the wrong way around.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Destiny is important, see, but people go wrong when they think it controls them. It's the other way around.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT'S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU'RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR? Albert wanted to argue. He wanted to say, Really? In that case, how come so many of the rich buggers is bastards? And...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Never cross a woman with a star on a stick, young lady. They've got a mean streak.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Truly, he thought, the way of enlightenment is like unto half a mile of broken glass.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

At some time in the recent past someone had decided to brighten the ancient corridors of the University by painting them, having some vague notion that Learning Should Be Fun. It hadn’t worked. It’s...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Don't you understand?" snarled Rincewind. "We are going over the Edge, godsdammit!" "Can't we do anything about it?" "No!" "Then I can't see the sense in panicking," said Twoflower calmly.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I never said nothing..." "I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are all kinds of darkness, and all kinds of things can be found in them, imprisoned, banished, lost or hidden. Sometimes they escape. Sometimes they simply fall out. Sometimes they just can't take...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You are in favour of the common people?” said Dragon mildly. The common people?” said Vimes. “They’re nothing special. They’re no different from the rich and powerful except they’ve got no...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Librarian was not familiar with love, which had always struck him as a bit ethereal and soppy, but kindness, on the other hand, was practical. You knew where you were with kindness, especially if you...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Them as can do has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There's no such thing as writer's block. That was invented by people in California who couldn't write.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Because some stories end, but old stories go on, and you gotta dance to the music if you want to stay ahead

Read more


Terry Pratchett

How do you get all those coins?" asked Mort. IN PAIRS.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then gettin' upset 'cos they act like people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The second mouse gets the cheese!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. and yet... and yet you act as if there is some...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Winston Churchill said 'In war time, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies'. Any book called The Truth should therefore have one.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Don't be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. "Hi," Nigel read aloud, "Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Mere animals couldn’t possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This wasn't food - it was what food became if it had been good and gone to food heaven.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Moist was sure doctors keep skeletons around to cow patients. Nyer, nyer, we know what you look underneath ...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If he'd been a hero, he would have taken the opportunity to say, "That's what I call sorted!" Since he wasn't a hero, he threw up.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?" "Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What did they feed the lions and tigers with in the ark, sir?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A lot hinges on the fact that, in most circumstances, people are not allowed to hit you with a mallet. They put up all kinds of visible and invisible signs that say, 'Do not do this' in the hope that it'll...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I see evil when I look in my shaving mirror. It is, philosophically, present everywhere in the universe in order, apparently, to highlight the existence of good. I think there is more to this theory, but...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The trouble with life was that you didn’t get a chance to practice before doing it for real.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The conversation of human beings seldom interested him, but it crossed his mind that the males and females always got along best when neither actually listened fully to what the other one was saying.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The trouble with thinking was that, once you started, you went on doing it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterward and used it?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I commend my soul to any god that can find it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's daft, locking us up," said Nanny. "I'd have had us killed." "That's because you're basically good," said Magrat. "The good are innocent and create justice. The bad are guilty, which is why they invent...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Where's the pleasure in bein' the winner if the loser ain't alive to know they've lost?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was. Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Everything is a test.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This, milord, is my family's axe. We have owned it for almost nine hundred years, see. Of course, sometimes it needed a new blade. And sometimes it has required a new handle, new designs on the metalwork,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

So much paperwork to read! So much paperwork to push away! So much paperwork to pretend he hadn't received and that might have been eaten by gargoyles.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The thing about football - the important thing about football - is that it is not just about football.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally evil, but by people being fundamentally people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Anyway, it's like with bikes,' said the first speaker authoritatively. 'I thought I was going to get this bike with seven gears and one of them razorblade saddles and purple paint and everything, and they...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He’s bound to have done something,” Nobby repeated. In this he was echoing the Patrician’s view of crime and punishment. If there was a crime, there should be punishment. If the specific criminal...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Oh, there's plenty of reasons. I just don't know which one.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They suffered from the terrible delusion that something could be done. They seemed prepared to make the world the way they wanted it or die in the attempt, and the trouble with dying in the attempt was...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When much is taken, something is returned.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Well, yes, but it's not about the football." "You're saying that football is not about football?" "It's the sharing," she said. "It's being part of the crowd. It's chanting together. It's all of it. the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I would like you to teach [the orcs] civilised behaviour," said Ladyship coldly. He appeared to consider this. "Yes of course, I think that would be quite possible," he said. "And who would you send to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is a long-cherished tradition among a certain type of military thinker that huge casualties are the main thing. If they are on the other side then this is a valuable bonus.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country," he read. "This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This is space. It's sometimes called the final frontier. (Except that of course you can't have a final frontier, because there'd be nothing for it to be a frontier to, but as frontiers go, it's pretty...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He was certain he was anorectic, because every time he looked in a mirror he saw a fat man. It was the Archchancellor, standing behind him and shouting at him.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can think and you can fight, but the world's always movin', and if you wanna stay ahead you gotta dance.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There was a man and he had eight sons. Apart from that, he was nothing more than a comma on the page of History. It's sad, but that's all you can say about some people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Granny Weatherwax was not lost. She wasn't the kind of person who ever became lost. It was just that, at the moment, while she knew exactly where SHE was, she didn't know the position of anywhere else.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

First Sight means you can see what really is there, and Second Thoughts mean thinking about what you are thinking. And in Tiffany's case, there were sometimes Third Thoughts and Fourth Thoughts although...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You were safe on a troll. Anyone wanting to mug a troll would have to use a building on a stick.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Susan says, don't get afraid, get angry.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?" "Only a man would think of that. It's our job," said Moist. "If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Needless to say, they refused to submit to the Empire, conducting such a persistent guerrilla war that the Romans gave up hope of conquering Scotland, and the Wee Free Men remained both wee and free.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When you can flatten entire cities at a whim, a tendency towards quiet reflection and seeing-things-from-the-other-fellow's-point- of-view is seldom necessary.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There have been better attempts at marching, and they have been made by penguins.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But that was just it - hate was exactly the right word. Hate is a force of attraction. Hate is just love with its back turned.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was a backwards memory of an event in his future so terrifying that it had generated harmonics of fear all the way along his lifeline.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Million-to-one chances...crop up nine times out of ten.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN? The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said. Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Fantasy is escapism, but wait... Why is this wrong? What are you escaping from, and where are you escaping to? Is the story opening windows or slamming doors? The British author G.K. Chesterton summarized...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Four Horsemen whose Ride presages the end of the world are known to be Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence. But even less significant events have their own Horsemen. For example, the Four Horsemen of...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Light died in the west. Night and tears took the Nation. The star of Water drifted among the clouds like a murderer softly leaving the scene of the crime.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They didn't know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you've got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh because table manners on a beach are funny. And sometimes you laugh because...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Oh, well...up until now it had been a good day, in a horrible kind of way.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One of the hardest lessons in young Sam's life had been finding out that the people in charge weren't in charge. It had been finding out that governments were not, on the whole, staffed by people who had...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People needed to believe in gods, if only because it was so hard to believe in people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Good and bad is tricky," she said. "I ain't too certain about where people stand. P'raps what matters is which way you face.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Priests were metal-reinforced overshoes. They saved your soles. This is an Assassin joke.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true. Remember some of your dreams?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She'd seen it before, at birthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweet deprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What're quantum mechanics?" "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But…but you can’t treat religion as a sort of buffet, can you? I mean, you can’t say yes please, I’ll have some of the Celestial Paradise and a helping of the Divine Plan but go easy on the kneeling...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The trouble is you can shut your eyes but you can’t shut your mind.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I’m not superstitious. I’m a witch. Witches aren’t superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He stared at his feet. “I’m still very ignorant,” he said, “but at least I’m ignorant about really important things.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

YOU MUST LEARN THE COMPASSION PROPER TO YOUR TRADE" "And what's that?" "A SHARP EDGE.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you were going to be successful in the world of crime, you needed a reputation for honesty.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it." "No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

After a while, another voice said: One, two, three, four- And the universe came into being. It was wrong to call it a big bang. That would just be noise, and all that noise could create is more noise and...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Veil, you see, if I vas to say something portentous like "zer dark eyes of zer mind" back home in Uberwald, zer would be a sudden crash of thunder,' said Otto. 'And if I vas to point at a castle on a towering...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Thou shalt not submit thy god to market forces.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And gears," said Anathema. "My bike didn't have gears. I'm sure my bike didn't have gears." Crowley leaned over to the angel. "Oh lord, heal this bike," he whispered sarcastically. "I'm sorry, I just got...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

[Y]ou weren't born with a talent for witchcraft: it didn't come easily; you worked hard at it because you wanted it. You forced the world to give it to you, no matter the price, and the price is and always...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Fresh wounds," said Angua. "But one of them did shoot one of the other in the leg by accident." "I think you'd better put in your report as -self inflicted- wounds while resisting arrest," said Vimes.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ponder just let it happen. It's because their minds are so often involved with deep and problematic matters, he told himself, that their mouths are allowed to wander around making a nuisance of themselves.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Do you know how wizards like to be buried?" "Yes!" "Well, how?" Granny Weatherwax paused at the bottom of the stairs. "Reluctantly.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The important thing about having lots of things to remember is that you’ve got to go somewhere afterwards where you can remember them, you see? You’ve got to stop. You haven’t really been anywhere...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The world is a globe — the farther you sail, the closer to home you are.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Life is a trick, and you get one chance to learn it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The dwarfs can turn lead into gold... It reached the pointy ears of the dwarfs. -Can we? -Damned if I know. I can't. -Yeah, but if you could, you wouldn't say. I wouldn't say, if I could. -Can you? -No!...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The only thing more dangerous then a vampire crazed with blood lust was a vampire crazed with anything else. All the meticulous single-mindedness that went into finding young women who slept with their...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insect-buzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

[Science fiction is] out in the mainstream now. You can tell by the way mainstream literary authors pillage SF while denying they're writing it!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They were small, brightly coloured, happy little creatures who secreted some of the nastiest toxins in the world, which is why the job of looking after the large vivarium where they happily passed their...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Natural selection saw to it that professional heroes who at a crucial moment tended to ask themselves questions like 'What is my purpose in life?' very quickly lacked both.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

All he knew was that you couldn't hope to try for the big stuff, like world peace and happiness, but you might just about be able to achieve some tiny deed that'd make the world, in a small way, a better...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Your average witch is not, by nature, a social animal as far as other witches are concerned. There's a conflict of dominant personalities. There's a group of ringleaders without a ring. There's the basic...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He helped the Librarian up. There was a red glow in the ape's eyes. It had tried to steal his books. This was probably the best proof any wizard could require that the trolleys were brainless.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I've never really liked the Yanks. ... You can't trust people who pick up the ball all the time when they play football.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

only to people!' shouted Rincewind. He drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But the purpose of the book is not the horror, it is horror's defeat.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I know that I am a small, weak man, but I have amassed a large library; I dream of dangerous places.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

We've strayed into a zone with a high magical index,' he said. 'Don't ask me how. Once upon a time a really powerful magic field must have been generated here, and we're feeling the after-effects.' Precisely,'...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't kill me, I've got a magic... AAAARGH !

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Contrary to popular belief and hope, people don't usually come running when they hear a scream. That's not how humans work. Humans look at other humans and say, 'Did you hear a scream?' because the first...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Peace?' said Vetinari. 'Ah, yes, defined as period of time to allow for preparation for the next war.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

On the Disc, the Gods aren't so much worshipped, as they are blamed.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That's what's so stupid about the whole magic thing, you know. You spend twenty years learning the spell that makes nude virgins appear in your bedroom, and then you're so poisoned by quicksilver fumes...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You know, I never imagined there were he-dryads. Not even in an oak tree." One of the giants grinned at him. Druellae snorted. "Stupid! Where do you think acorns come from?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No it's not!" said Constable Visit. "Atheism is a denial of a god." "Therefore It Is A Religious Position," said Dorfl. "Indeed, A True Atheist Thinks Of The Gods Constantly, Albeit In Terms of Denial....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was Carrot who'd suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to 'serve the community' by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The rising sun managed to peek around the vast column of smoke that forever rose from Ankh-Morpork, City of Cities, illustrating almost up to the edge of space that smoke means progress or, at least, people...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course — it was not round and shiny — but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailor who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The universe danced towards life. Life was a remarkably common commodity. Anything sufficiently complicated seemed to get cut in for some, in the same way that anything massive enough got a generous helping...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Once you've ruled out the impossible then whatever is left, however improbable, must be the truth. The problem lay in working out what was impossible, of course. That was the trick, all right. There was...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

... the food was good solid stuff for a cold morning, all calories and fat and protein and maybe a vitamin crying softly because it was all alone.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People wanted the world to be a story, because stories had to sound right and they had to make sense. People wanted the world to make sense.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It had a very long pendulum, and the pendulum swung with a slow tick-tock that set his teeth on edge, because it was the the kind of delibrate, annoying ticking that wanted to make it abundantly clear...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That's what I don't like about magic. It does everything by magic.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

WHERE'S MY COW? ARE YOU MY COW?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Shoes, men, coffins; never accept the first one you see.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They say that the eyes of some paintings can follow you around the room, a fact that I doubt, but I am wondering whether some music can follow you for ever.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The storm was really giving it everything it had. This was its big chance. It had spent years hanging around the provinces, putting in some useful work as a squall, building up experience, making contacts,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?' Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you have let pride get the better of you, then you have already lost, but if you grab pride by the scruff of the neck and ride it like a stallion, then you may have already won.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Every step is a first step if it's a step in the right direction.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Granny Weatherwaz was a witch. That was quite acceptable in the Ramtops, and no one had a bad word to say about witches. At least, not if he wanted to wake up in the morning the same shape as he went to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Esk felt that bravery was called for, but on a night like this bravery lasted only as long as a candle stayed alight.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Everyone knew there were wolves in the mountains, but they seldom came near the village-the modern wolves were the offspring of ancestors that had survived because they had learned that human meat had...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They were indeed what was known as 'old money', which meant that it had been made so long ago that the black deeds which had originally filled the coffers were now historically irrelevant. Funny, that:...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Belief is one of the most powerful organic forces in the multiverse. It may not be able to move mountains, exactly. But it can create someone who can. People get exactly the wrong idea about belief. They...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Other people salted away money for their old age, but Nanny preferred to accumulate memories.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Well, basically there are two sorts of opera," said Nanny, who also had the true witch's ability to be confidently expert on the basis of no experience whatsoever. "There's your heavy opera, where basically...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sometimes you had to take a look at yourself and then look away.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Whatever you choose, your choice will mean there are two new worlds. And perhaps sometimes, on the edge of sleep, we will see the shadow of the other world. There will be no unhappy memories.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Jeremy tried to be an interesting person. The trouble was that he was the kind of person who, having decided to be an interesting person, would first of all try to find a book called How to Be An Interesting...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People like that don't need a reason apart from "because I can". They have a nightmare and try to make it happen.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don't die can't live. What don't live can't change. What don't change can't learn. The smallest creature that dies in the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's vital to remember who you really are. It's very important. It isn't a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are thousands of good reasons why magic doesn't rule the world. They're called Witches and Wizards.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Of course I'm sane, when trees start talking to me, I don't talk back.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Once upon a time the plural of 'wizard' was 'war'.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Modesty is only arrogance by stealth.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offense meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offense meant' than actually to refrain from giving offense.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Walter Plinge said: "You know she asked me a very silly question Mrs Ogg! It was a silly question any fool knows the answer!" "Oh, yes," said Nanny. "About houses on fire, I expect..." "Yes! What would...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

THERE'S NO JUSTICE, said Mort. JUST US.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This is Morbidia," said Vlad. "Although she's been calling herself Tracy lately, to be cool.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You haven't really been anywhere until you've got back home.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When in doubt, choose to live.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Once you gave a thing a name, you gave it life.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There have been times, lately, when I dearly wished that I could change the past. Well, I can’t, but I can change the present, so that when it becomes the past it will turn out to be a past worth having.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Your whole life passes in front of your eyes before you die. This is called living.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Vimes struggled to his feet, shook his head and set off after it. No thought was involved. It is the ancient instinct of terriers and policemen to chase anything that runs away.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't trust folk songs. They always sneak up on you.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Little crimes breed big crimes. You smile at little crimes and then big crimes blow your head off.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people. As soon as...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Poetic simile was strictly limited to statements like 'his mighty steed was as fleet as the wind on a fairly calm day, say about Force Three,' and any loose talk about a beloved having a face that launched...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There is always a choice." "You mean I could choose certain death?" "A choice nevertheless, or perhaps an alternative. You see I believe in freedom. Not many people do, although they will of course protest...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

His parents called him Youngster. They did this in the subconcious hope that he might take the hint. Wensleydale gave the impression of having been born with a mental age of 47.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You have reached the end of cake

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That's the Ankh-Morpork instinct, Vimes thought. Run away, and then stop and see if anything interesting is going to happen to other people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. There is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes, and the world you see next did not exist when you closed them. Therefore, the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

- DON’T WORRY, IT WON’T BE FOREVER. - Good. - IT MAY SEEM LIKE FOREVER.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

As far as Death was aware, the sole reason for any human association with pigs and lambs was as a prelude to chops and sausages. Quite why they should dress up for children’s wallpaper as well was a...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When all else failed, she tried being reasonable.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

…We were born vampires." "I thought you became –" "— vampires by being bitten? Dear me, no. Oh, we can turn people into vampires, it’s an easy technique, but what would be the point? When you eat…...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Kraken stirs. And ten billion sushi dinners cry out for vengeance.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I saved a man's life once," said Granny. "Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I'd bought it from the dwarves. That's the biggest part of doct'rin, really....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was, ‘But we’ve always done it this way.’ A million dead people can’t have been wrong, can they?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Raising the flag and singing the anthem are, while somewhat suspicious, not in themselves acts of treason.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She was convinced that she was anorexic, because every time she looked in the mirror she did indeed see a fat person.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are many horrible sights in the multiverse. Somehow, though, to a soul attuned to the subtle rhythms of a library, there are few worse sights than a hole where a book ought to be.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Books bend space and time. One reason the owners of those aforesaid little rambling, poky secondhand bookshops always seem slightly unearthly is that many of them really are, having strayed into this world...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Strength enough to build a home, Time enough to hold a child, Love enough to break a heart

Read more


Terry Pratchett

… you were so worried about legal and illegal that you never stopped to think about whether it was right or wrong.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One of the things forgotten about the human spirit is that while it is, in the right conditions, noble and brave and wonderful, it is also, when you get right down to it, only human.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Anyway, lots of warrior tribes think that when they die, they go to a heavenly land somewhere," said the toad. "You know, where they can drink and fight and feast forever? So maybe this is theirs." "But...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...no-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away... The span of someone's life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Unseen University had never admitted women, muttering something about problems with the plumbing, but the real reason was an unspoken dread that if women were allowed to mess around with magic they would...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Mort was already aware that love made you feel hot and cold and cruel and weak, but he hadn't realized that it could make you stupid.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

We sleepwalk through our lives, because how could we live if we were always this awake?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You were the kind of kid who couldn't see the difference between throwing rocks at a cat and setting it on fire.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I dinna trust him," said Slightly Mad Angus. "He reads books an' such.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Witches were a bit like cats. They didn’t much like one another’s company, but they did like to know where all the other witches were, just in case they needed them.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Soon to come in licorice, orange, cinnamon, and banana, but not strawberry, because I hate strawberries.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Always face what you fear. Have just enough money, never too much, and some string. Even if it’s not your fault, it’s your responsibility. Witches deal with things. Never stand between two mirrors....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Everywhere I look, I see something holy.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Some people believe that when you die, you cross the River of Death and have to pay the ferryman. People don’t seem to worry about that these days. Perhaps there’s a bridge now.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Look, that's why there's rules, understand? So that you think before you break 'em.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Who knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men? A copper, that's who. (...)You saw how close men lived to the beast. You realized that people like Carcer were not mad. They were incredibily sane. They...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Learnin’ how not to do things is as hard as learning how to do them.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was lonely on the hill, and cold. And all you could do was keep going. You could scream, cry, and stamp your feet, but apart from making you feel warmer, it wouldn’t do any good. You could say it...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One minute I'm just another rabbit and happy about it, next minute *whazaam*, I'm thinking. That's a major drawback if you're looking for happiness as a rabbit, let me tell you. You want grass and sex,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is a popular fact that nine-tenths of the brain is not used and, like most popular facts, it is wrong. Not even the most stupid Creator would go to the trouble of making the human head carry around...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He felt as if he had been shipwrecked on the Titanic, but in the nick of time had been rescued. By the Lusitania

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I do note with interest that old women in my books become young women on the covers... this is discrimination against the chronologically gifted.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What’s this here,” he said suspiciously, “about us got to give you faggots?” Oh, we have to have them,” said Newt, “We burn them.” Say what?” We burn them.” The guard’s face broadened...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The people who really run organizations are usually found several levels down, where it is still possible to get things done.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The Assassin moved quietly from roof to roof until he was well away from the excitement around the Watch House. His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

THAT’S MORTALS FOR YOU, Death continued. THEY’VE ONLY GOT A FEW YEARS IN THIS WORLD AND THEY SPEND THEM ALL IN MAKING THINGS COMPLICATED FOR THEMSELVES. FASCINATING.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Although she was aware that somewhere under her complicated strata of vests and petticoats there was some skin, that didn't mean to say she approved of it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I hate cats." Death's face became a little stiffer, if that were possible. The blue glow in his eye sockets flickered red for an instant. "I SEE," he said. The tone suggested that death was too good for...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Granny Weatherwax was often angry. She considered it one of her strong points. Genuine anger was one of the world's greatest creative forces. But you had to learn how to control it. That didn't mean you...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol. "That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Divers alarums and excursions', she read, uncertainly. 'That means lots of terrible happenings, said Magrat. 'You always put that in plays.' Alarums and what?', said Nanny Ogg, who hadn't been listening....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But then science is nothing but a series of questions that lead to more questions.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...the proliferation of luminous fungi or iridescent crystals in deep caves where the torchlessly improvident hero needs to see is one of the most obvious intrusions of narrative causality into the physical...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned by no later than the date shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Books must be treated with respect, we feel that in our bones, because words have power. Bring enough words together they can bend space and time.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When you break rules, break 'em good and hard

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'm not cruel, sir, I won't shoot you in the guts, but I will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The people of Ankh-Morpork had a straightforward, no-nonsense approach to entertainment, and while they were looking forward to seeing a dragon slain, they'd be happy to settle instead for seeing someone...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Night poured over the desert. It came suddenly, in purple. In the clear air, the stars drilled down out of the sky, reminding any thoughtful watcher that it is in the deserts and high places that religions...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Stop stealing the funeral meats right now, you wee scuggers!" She shouted. The Feegles stopped and stared at her. Then Rob Anybody said: "Socks wi'oot feets?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She folded her arms and then shouted, "Right you thieving scunners! How dare you steal Miss Treason's funeral meats!" "Oh, waily, waily, it's the foldin' o' the arms, the foooldin' o' the aaaarmss!" cried...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You had to deal every day with people who were foolish and lazy and untruthful and downright unpleasant, and you could certainly end up thinking that the world would be considerably improved if you gave...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...Roland de Chumsfanleigh (it wasn't his fault).

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Because no man wants to be a coward in front of a cheese.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

My name is unpronounceable in your tongue, woman,” it said. “I’ll be the judge of that,” warned Granny, and added, “Don’t call me woman.” “Very well. My name is WxrtHltl-jwlpklz,” said...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A European says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with me? An American says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with him? I make no suggestion that one side or other is right, but observation over...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They called themselves the Munrungs. It meant The People, or The True Human Beings. It's what most people call themselves, to begin with. And then one day the tribe meets some other People or, if it's...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And what would humans be without love?" RARE, said Death.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But what's worth more than gold?" "Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren't you worth more than that?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Seeing things a human shouldn't have to see makes us human.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In order to have a change of fortune at the last minute, you have to take your fortune to the last minute.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Don't you *ever* let go?" "I haven't yet." "Why?" "I suppose... because in this world, after everyone panics, there's always got to be someone to tip the wee out of the shoe.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Our garden was debated territory between five local cats, and we'd heard that the best way to keep other cats out of the garden was to have one yourself. A moment's rational thought here will spot the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's an interesting fact that fewer than 17 % of Real cats end their lives with the same name they started with. Much family effort goes into selecting one at the start ("She looks like a Winnifred to...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Next comes the realist phase ("After all, from a purely geometrical point of view a cat is only a tube with a door at the top.").

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Everyone's heard of Erwin Schrodinger's famous thought experiment. You put a cat in a box with a bottle of poison, which many people would suggest is about as far as you need to go.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're being chased and eaten by most of the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Cutangle: While I'm still confused and uncertain, it's on a much higher plane, d'you see, and at least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe. Treatle: I...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Albert grunted. "Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?" Mort thought for a moment. "No," he said eventually, "what?" There was silence. Then Albert straightened up and said, "Damned...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you.” “Sir?” “It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority.” “Sir?”...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of a diseased mind.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Young man, the games we play are lessons we learn. The assumptions we make, things we ignore, and things we change make us what we become.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Aziraphale. The Enemy, of course. But an enemy for six thousand years now, which made him a sort of friend.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I thought unicorns were more . . . Fluffy.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The first draft is just you telling yourself the story.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Maybe the only significant difference between a really smart simulation and a human being was the noise they made when you punched them.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Humans! They lived in a world where the grass continued to be green and the sun rose every day and flowers regularly turned into fruit, and what impressed them? Weeping statues. And wine made out of water!...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Everything starts somewhere, though many physicists disagree. But people have always been dimly aware of the problem with the start of things. They wonder how the snowplough driver gets to work, or how...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a red flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front of someone who was annoyed by it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Bill Door was impressed. Miss Flitworth could actually give the word "revenue", which had two vowels and one diphthong, all the peremptoriness of the word "scum.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The landscape was snow and green ice on broken mountains. These weren't old mountains, worn down by time and weather and full of gentle ski slopes, but young, sulky, adolescent mountains. They held secret...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say:...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Someone out there was about to find that their worst nightmare was a maddened Librarian. With a badge.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Interesting thing, these fellows never seem to get the idea of perspective-' The Bursar thought, or received the thought: that's because perspective is a lie. If I know a pond is round then why should...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The important thing about adventures, thought Mr. Bunnsy, was that they shouldn't be so long as to make you miss mealtimes.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It’s a feeling inside that can hardly be contained.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Don't look back!" "Why not?" "Because I just did! Run faster!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Her singing always cheered him up. Life seemed so much brighter when she stopped.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Two types of people laugh at the law: those that break it and those that make it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

At least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire," said Miss Tick. "There may be no survivors.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don't want unnecessary violence, sergeant," said Blouse. "Right you are, sir!" said the sergeant. "Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall!" He caught the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?" "What?" "Oh, you'd like something simpler?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I believe in reincarnation,” [Bjorn] said. I KNOW. “I tried to live a good life. Does that help?” THAT’S NOT UP TO ME. Death coughed. OF COURSE... SINCE YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION... YOU’LL...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Of course, like all the informal inhabitants of the University the roaches were a little unusual, but there was something particularly unpleasant about the sound of billions of very small feet hitting...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha. Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Colon has always thought that heroes had some special kind of clockwork that made them go out and die famously for god, country and apple pie, or whatever particular delicacy their mother made. It had...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She had heard it said that, before you could understand anybody, you needed to walk a mile in their shoes, which did not make a whole lot of sense, because probably AFTER you had walked a mile in their...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Preston, I don't think this creature could ever find its way into your head. Quite apart from anything else, it seems pretty crowded and complicated to me.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No matter what she did with her hair it took about three minutes for it to tangle itself up again, like a garden hosepipe in a shed [Which, no matter how carefully coiled, will always uncoil overnight...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

… people didn't seem to be able to remember what it was like with the elves around. Life was certainly more interesting then, but usually because it was shorter. And it was more colorful, if you liked...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Blessings be on this house," Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people's minds on what other things might be on this house.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What is magic? There is the wizard's explanation... wizards talk about candles, circles, planets, stars, bananas, chants, runes and the importance of having at least four good meals every day.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Be one of the crowd? It went against everything a wizard stood for, and a wizard would not stand for anything if he could sit down for it, but even sitting down, you had to stand out.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They say that the prospect of being hanged in the morning concentrates a man's mind wonderfully; unfortunately, what the mind inevitably concentrates on is that, in the morning, it will be in a body that...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

An Assassin, a real Assassin had to look like one-black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was also a room full of books and made of books. There was no actual furniture; this is to say, the desk and chairs were shaped out of books. It looked as though many of them were frequently referred...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

... all reputable falconers agreed that for hunting purposes the only way you could reliably bring down prey with a wowhawk was by using it in a slingshot.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Insanity is catching.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I was merely endeavoring to indicate that if we do not grab events by the collar they will have us by the throat. -Lord Vetinari

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That's why it's always worth having a few philosophers around the place. One minute it's all is truth beauty and is beauty truth, and does a falling tree in the forest make a sound if there's no one there...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I may be daft but I'm no' stupid!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One of the highlights of the first Good Omens tour was Neil and I walking through New York singing Shoehorn with Teeth. Well, we'd had a good breakfast. And you don't get mugged, either.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In her own special category, she was quite beautiful. This was the category of all the women, in his entire life, who had ever thought he was worth smiling at.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And the people next door oppress me all night long. I tell them, I work all day, a man's got to have some time to learn to play the tuba. That's oppression, that is. If I'm not under the heel of the oppressor,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are plenty of people who believe that Elvis is alive, or that aliens occasionally land here to do highly personal things to people, or that the whole idea of evolution is a conspiracy of godless...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It’s quite easy to accidentally overhear people talking downstairs if you hold an upturned glass to the floorboards and accidentally put your ear to it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He said it was better to belong where you don't belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Quick, someone's coming! Look real!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Apes had it worked out. No ape would philosophize, "The mountain is, and is not." They would think, "The banana is. I will eat the banana. There is no banana. I want another banana.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you try to to take my bananas from me, I will reclaim them from your cold dead hands.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Rings try to find their way back to their owner. Someone ought to write a book about it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this close to one.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Wizards don't believe in gods in the same way that most people don't find it necessary to believe in, say, tables. They know they're there, they know they're there for a purpose, they'd probably agree...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Belief sloshes around in the firmament like lumps of clay spiralling into a potter's wheel. That's how gods get created, for example. They clearly must be created by their own believers, because a brief...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

ALL THINGS THAT ARE, ARE OURS. BUT WE MUST CARE. FOR IF WE DO NOT CARE, WE DO NOT EXIST. IF WE DO NOT EXIST, THEN THERE IS NOTHING BUT BLIND OBLIVION. AND EVEN OBLIVION MUST END SOMEDAY. LORD, WILL YOU...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?' If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And when the Patrician was unhappy, he became very democratic. He found intricate and painful ways of spreading that unhappiness as far as possible.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you're told and didn't try to understand things.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I read anything that’s going to be interesting. But you don’t know what it is until you’ve read it. Somewhere in a book on the history of false teeth there’ll be the making of a novel.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Picturesque meant - he decided after careful observation of the scenerey that inspired Twoflower to use the word - that the landscape was horribly precipitous. Quaint, when used to describe the occasional...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Gods play games with the fates of men. But first they have to get all the pieces on the board and look all over the place for the dice.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I mean, you're right about the fire and war, all that. But that Rapture stuff--well, if you could see them all in Heaven--serried ranks of them as far as the mind can follow and beyond, league after league...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The universe, they said, depended for its operation on the balance of four forces which they identified as charm, persuasion, uncertainty and bloody-mindedne ss.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Drinks like this tend to get called Traffic Lights or Rainbow's Revenge or, in places where truth is more highly valued, Hello and Good-Bye, Mr. Brain Cell.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's still magic even if you know how it's done.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But is all this true?" said Brutha. Didactylos shrugged. "Could be. Could be. We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork." "You mean you don't KNOW it's...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I would like permission to fetch a note from my mother, sir' Ridcully sighed. 'Rincewind, you once informed me, to my everlasting puzzlement, that you never knew your mother because she ran away before...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

One day a tortoise will learn how to fly.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It is important that we know where we come from, because if you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I imagine that fish have no word for water.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocalypse.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Good or bad, do it as you. Too many lies and there's no truth to go back to.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES. "So we can believe the big ones?" YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The truth is that even big collections of ordinary books distort space, as can readily be proved by anyone who has been around a really old-fashioned secondhand bookshop, one that looks as though they...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Never f*!k with the ineffable.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Sometimes I think a man could wander across the disc all his life and not see everything there is to see,' said Twoflower. 'And now it seems there are lots of other worlds as well. When I think I might...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

In an instant he became aware that the tourist was about to try his own peculiar brand of linguistics, which meant that he would speak loudly and slowly in his own language.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If there's one thing that really annoys a god, it's not knowing something.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Got to be worth a try, I suppose," said Crowley. "It's not as if I haven't got lots of other work to do, God knows." His forehead creased for a moment, and then he slapped the steering wheel triumphantly....

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

But, in truth, it had not exactly been gold, or even the promise of gold, but more like the fantasy of gold, the fairy dream that the gold is there, at the end of the rainbow, and will continue to be there...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was long after midnight and the stars looked damp and chilly; the air was full of the busy silence of the night, which is created by hundreds of small furry things treading very carefully in the hope...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was written in some holy book, apparently, so that made it okay, and probably compulsory.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Polly felt questing eyes boring into her. She was embarrassed, of course. But not for the obvious reason. It was for the other one, the little lesson that life sometimes rams home with a stick: you are...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The elevator shaft was a kind of heat sink. Hot food was cold by the time it arrived. Cold food got colder. No one knew what would happen to ice cream, but it would probably involve some rewriting of the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And these are your reasons, my lord?" "Do you think I have others?" said Lord Vetinari. "My motives, as ever, are entirely transparent." Hughnon reflected that 'entirely transparent' meant either that...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They were also slightly less intelligent than he was. This is a quality you should always pray for in your would-be murderer.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Some of them wanted to sell me snake oil and I'm not necessarily going to dismiss all of these, as I have never found a rusty snake.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Just call in at the torturer on your way out. See when he can fit you in.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Tiffany has been apprenticing as a witch by visiting people in need with her mentor. After meeting with one particularly sad case, she tells her mentor, "It shouldn't be like this." Her mentor replies,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Logic is a wonderful thing but doesn't always beat actual thought.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T SAVED HIM? "Yes! The sun would have risen just the same, yes?" NO "Oh, come on. You can't expect me to believe that. It's an astronomical fact." THE SUN WOULD NOT...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He’sh mad?’ ‘Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money.’ ‘Ah, then he can’t be mad. I’ve been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he’sh just ecshentric.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ᴊᴜsᴛɪᴄᴇ, ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ's ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴍᴇ. —Death

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The girls were expected to grow up to be somebody's wife. They were also expected to read and write, those being considered soft indoor jobs that were too fiddly for the boys.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And all the stories had, somewhere, the witch. The wicked old witch. And Tiffany had thought: Where's the evidence?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The thing is, I mean, there’s times when you look at the universe and you think, “What about me?” and you can just hear the universe replying, “Well, what about you?”

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Hello, inner child, I'm the inner babysitter!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Rincewind shivered. He was not, of course, an atheist; on the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists. On the few occasions when he had some spare change he had always made a point of dropping a few...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

After all, when you seek advice from someone it's certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

She heard him mutter, 'Can you take away this grief?' 'I'm sorry,' she replied. 'Everyone asks me. And I would not do so even if I knew how. It belongs to you. Only time and tears take away grief; that...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

For example, the dwarfs found out how to turn lead into gold by doing it the hard way. The difference between that and the easy way is that the hard way works.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

And what do you really do? asked Tiffany. The thin witch hesitatied for a moment, and then: We look to ... the edges, said Mistress Weatherwax. There's a lot of edges, more than people know. Between life...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He talks pretty big for a gutter wizard," he muttered. "You don't understand at all," said the wizard wearily. "I'm so scared of you my spine has turned to jelly, it's just that I'm suffering from an overdose...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That's one form of magic, of course." "What, just knowing things?" "Knowing things that other people don't know.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There were two ways of looking at the world, but only one when you are starving.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Vimes had got around to a Clean Desk policy. It was a Clean Floor strategy that eluded him at the moment.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Money makes people rich; it is a fallacy to think it makes them better, or even that it makes them worse. People are what they do, and what they leave behind.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Imagination, not intelligence, made us human.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A horse's skull always looks scary, even if someone has put lipstick on it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Even a really bad creator would at least have started with Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Surprise.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He'd always known that the world was an interesting place, and his imagination had peopled it with pirates and bandits and spies and astronauts and similar. But he'd also had a nagging suspicion that,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

We live and learn, or, perhaps more importantly we learn and live.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Thinking. This book contains some. Whether you try it at home is up to you.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

When you look into the abyss, it’s not supposed to wave back.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Insofar as he'd formed any opinion of her, it was that she suffered from misplaced gentility and the mistaken belief that etiquette meant good breeding. She mistook mannerisms for manners.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ah," said Mr Pin. "Right. I remember. You are concerned citizens." He knew about concerned citizens. Wherever they were, they all spoke the same private language, where 'traditional values' meant 'hang...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Only Ron's dog was watching William. He considered that it had, for a dog, a very offensive and knowing look. A couple of months ago someaone had tried to hand William the old story about there being a...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Reality is not digital, an on-off state, but analog. Something gradual. In other words, reality is a quality that things possess in the same way that they possess, say, weight. Some people are more real...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would,...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Granny Weatherwax was not a good loser. From her point of view, losing was something that happened to other people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Nac Mac Feegle! The Wee Free Men! Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna' be fooled again!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You know how to pray, don’t you? Just put your hands together and hope.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We know we are. Ever see a cat feed a human? Case proven.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Here's what I suggest," he said. "You pretend that rats can think, and I'll promise to pretend that humans can think, too.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I don’t think it's weak to admit you made a mistake. That takes strength, if you ask me.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The people who guard the rainbow don't like those who get in the way of the sun.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Raise the stakes! Always push your luck because no one else would push it for you.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They'd smash up the world if they thought it would make a pretty noise.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Letitia! What a name. Halfway between a salad and a sneeze.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Even the blind and meek and voiceless have gods.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He was, he would be the first to admit, a coward, an incompetent, and not even very good at being a failure.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

If Not You, Who Else?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

I should have learned this, she thought. I wanted to learn fire, and pain, but I should have learned people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings and endings. Dangerous and powerful. And we feel it even if we don't know what it is. These times are...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

ASTONISHING, said Death. REALLY ASTONISHING. LET ME PUT FORWARD ANOTHER SUGGESTION: THAT YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A LUCKY SPECIES OF APE THAT IS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE COMPLEXITIES OF CREATION VIA A...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It was so loud and so deep, it wasn't really sound at all, just something that turned the air hard and then hit you with it.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Do you think there’s anything to eat in this forest?” “Yes,” said the wizard bitterly, “us.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The fastest way to travel is to be there already.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He'd been an angel once. He hadn't meant to Fall. He'd just hung around with the wrong people.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Ordinary fortune-tellers tell you what you want to happen; witches tell you what’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. Strangely enough, witches tend to be more accurate but less popular.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Cheery was aware that Commander Vimes didn't like the phrase 'The innocent have nothing to fear', believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Go anywhere you wish, talk to everyone. Ask any questions; you will be given answers. When you want to learn, you will be taught. Use the library. Open any book.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They can tak' oour lives but they canna tak' oour troousers!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

It's always surprising to be reminded that while you're watching and thinking about people, all knowing and superior, they're watching and thinking about you, right back at you.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

A Duke couldn't have the arse hanging out of his trousers when meeting foreign diplomats. Actually even plain old Sam Vimes never had the arse hanging out of his trousers, either, but no one would have...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

They think written words are even more powerful,’ whispered the toad. ‘They think all writing is magic. Words worry them. See their swords? They glow blue in the presence of lawyers.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't hit them with a shovel!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

You couldn't say 'I had orders.' You couldn't say 'It's not fair.' No one was listening. There were no Words. You owned yourself. [...] Not 'Thou Shalt Not'. Say 'I Will Not'.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Rumour is information distilled so finely that it can filter through anything. It does not need doors and windows -- sometimes it does not need people. It can exist free and wild, running from ear to ear...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there. Yᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Bᴀʏ Oғ Mᴀɴᴛᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ?...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

See a pin and pick it up, and, all day long, you'll have a pin.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Smaller-than-Medium-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Incidentally, it's best not to argue with the nursing staff. I find the best course of action is to throw some chocolates in one direction and hurry off in the other while their attention is distracted.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.

Read more


Terry Pratchett

He's probably their battle poet, too." "You mean he makes up heroic songs about famous battles?" "No, no. He recites poems that frighten the enemy....When a well-trained gonnagle starts to recite, the...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

That, lad," he said proudly, "was some of the worst poetry I have heard for a long time. It was offensive to the ear and a torrrture to the soul....We'll make a gonnagle out of ye yet!

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Why bother with a cunning plan when a simple one will do?

Read more


Terry Pratchett

Dogs are not like cats, who amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. Men made dogs, they took wolves and gave them human things--unnecessary...

Read more


Terry Pratchett

People's whole lives do pass in front of their eye before dying. The process is called "Living

Read more



Related quote

Terry Pratchett

Never cross a woman with a star on a stick, young lady. They've got a mean streak.

Read more


D. H. Lawrence

If a woman hasn't got a tiny streak of harlot in her, she's a dry stick as a rule.

Read more


Betty Ford

I have an independent streak. You know, it's kind of hard to tell a independent woman what to do.

Read more


Sarah Dessen

So," she went on, "it got me thinking about what cost beauty. Or for that matter, what cost anything? Would you trade love for beauty? Or happiness for beauty? Could a gorgeous person with a mean streak...

Read more


Rick Riordan

You remind me of myself ” Bes continued “back when I was a young dwarf. You got a stubborn streak. When it comes to girl problems you’re clueless.

Read more


Billy Higgins

The French - they like jazz, theyve been on jazz a long time.

Read more


Kathryn Stockett

Womens, they ain't like men. A woman ain't gone beat you with a stick. Miss Hilly wouldn't pull no pistol on me. Miss Leefolt wouldn't come burn my house down. No, white womens like to keep they hands...

Read more


Iain Glen

A big budget studio film is slower, theyve got so much to create around you. Everything is more complicated.

Read more


Kirsten Dunst

Everybody has a mean streak in them, don't they?

Read more


Derek Landy

You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.” “You wanted a weapon.” “It was a stick.” “It had a bow on it.” “It was a stick.” “I thought...

Read more


Richelle Mead

Not true,” said Adrian. “All guys mean the same thing when they want to ‘get to know a girl better.’ You’re a wellbred young lady, so I understand why you’d be too innocent to understand. Good...

Read more


Justin Welby

A lot of people reject the idea of God as Father if theyve had a competitive relationship with their own father.

Read more


Michelle Obama

One of the things I want ... all the kids here to remember, is that these [Major League Soccer] stars were not born superstar athletes ... Many of them started out just like many of you-playing on a team...

Read more


Tony Hillerman

A writer is like a bag lady going through life with a sack and a pointed stick collecting stuff.

Read more


Ogden Nash

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Read more


Mark Hamill

I've learned that the movies [Star Wars] will never finally end. It just goes on and on and on and on. I mean, it's going to be in 3D, then it's going to be smellivision, then it's going to be a ride in...

Read more


Donna Woolfolk Cross

Heed my words, daughter, if you ever mean to be happy: Never give yourself to a man.

Read more


Robin Jones Gunn

You know what I think? I think that if a young woman doesn't engage in the act of occasionally wishing on a star or a flower or a birthday cake full of candles, then we're forfeiting one of the sweetest...

Read more


Star Jones

I mean, on the television, I've got to continue to be Star Jones Reynolds. And I enjoy that. But in my real life, I'm a wife now. You can't really be bossy when you're married.

Read more


Nelson Algren

Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.

Read more


Eddie Slovik

Everything happens to me. I've never had a streak of luck in my life.

Read more


“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss