Henry Cloud quote

"Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would all be condemned to a life of continually denying reality, arguing or protesting against reality, and never growing from the realities we experience."

Henry Cloud

Born: 1956

Occupation: Clinical psychologist

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More quotes of Henry Cloud

Henry Cloud

Faith goes beyond reason. It goes beyond what you can see. But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.

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Henry Cloud

Diligence is not easy, but we can't reach our goals without it.

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Henry Cloud

A leader's responsibility is to cause a vision and mission to have tangible results in the real world.

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Henry Cloud

The twin sister to autonomy and freedom is responsibility and accountability. You cannot have one with out the other. If someone is given an area of responsibility, not only must they be set free to do...

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We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part...

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Henry Cloud

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly....

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Henry Cloud

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks...

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Henry Cloud

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

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Henry Cloud

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great...

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Henry Cloud

We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

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Henry Cloud

Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would...

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Henry Cloud

A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.

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Henry Cloud

The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!

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Henry Cloud

Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.

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Henry Cloud

When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility....

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Henry Cloud

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You...

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Henry Cloud

Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.

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Henry Cloud

The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt...

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Henry Cloud

If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.

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Henry Cloud

One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach...

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Henry Cloud

Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.

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Henry Cloud

Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they...

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Henry Cloud

The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.

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Henry Cloud

Christianity is not about morality. It's about reality.

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Henry Cloud

The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.

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Henry Cloud

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.

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Henry Cloud

You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

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Henry Cloud

A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.

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Henry Cloud

The opposite of bad is not good.The opposite of bad is love

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Henry Cloud

In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.

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Henry Cloud

Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.

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Henry Cloud

The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.

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Henry Cloud

To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.

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Henry Cloud

The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.

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Henry Cloud

Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

Be Hard on the issue, Soft on the person.

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Henry Cloud

Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.

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Henry Cloud

Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.

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Henry Cloud

Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.

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Henry Cloud

There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone....

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Henry Cloud

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

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Henry Cloud

Good pain is pain in the service of a purpose. Bad pain is pain endured because we are resisting a needed growth step.

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Henry Cloud

When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.

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Henry Cloud

He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional...

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Henry Cloud

When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability...

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Henry Cloud

Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people.

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Related quote

Henry Cloud

Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would...

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Thornton Wilder

All that we know about those we have loved and lost is that they would wish us to remember them with a more intensified realization of their reality. What is essential does not die but clarifies. The highest...

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Jennifer Morse

We can construct, deconstruct and reconstruct our sexuality any way we want: it is our privilege as thinking creatures. However, human sexuality has a specific nature, regardless of what we believe or...

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Jim Berg

Reality (i.e., the truth) is that there is a God in heaven. Reality is that He made us and we are accountable to Him. Reality is that this God has spoken and what He says matters--eternally. Reality is...

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N. T. Wright

I am convinced that when we bring our griefs and sorrows within the story of God's own grief and sorrow, and allow them to be held there, God is able to bring healing to us ans new possibilities to our...

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Henri Nouwen

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and...

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Jean Baudrillard

Fiction is not imagination. It is what anticipates imagination by giving it the form of reality. This is quite opposite to our own natural tendency which is to anticipate reality by imagining it, or to...

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Ryohgo Narita

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Henri Poincare

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Adyashanti

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Zeena Schreck

In order to understand why one chooses to be a Tantric practitioner, there has to be an understanding of cause and effect, cyclic existence, the awareness that the reality that we think we are seeing is...

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Henepola Gunaratana

We usually do not look into what is really there in front of us. We see life through a screen of thoughts and concepts, and we mistake those mental objects for reality. We get so caught up in this endless...

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Fred Edwords

Though we [Humanists] take a strict position on what constitutes knowledge, we are not critical of the source of ideas. Often intuitive feelings, hunches, speculation, and flashes of inspiration prove...

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Watchman Nee

How easily we make things as way, truth, and life. Or, we call hot atmosphere as life, we label clear thought as life. We consider strong emotion or outward conduct as life. In reality, though, these are...

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Sue Monk Kidd

In recent years my understanding of God had evolved into increasingly remote abstractions. I'd come to think of God in terms like Divine Reality, the Absolute, or the One who holds us in being. I do believe...

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Albert Camus

But in order to speak about all and to all, one has to speak of what all know and of the reality common to us all. The seas, rains, necessity, desire, the struggle against death--these are things that...

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Ben Okri

What hope is there for individual reality or authenticity when the forces of violence and orthodoxy, the earthly powers of guns and bombs and manipulated public opinion make it impossible for us to be...

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Pema Chodron

The first noble truth of the Buddha is that when we feel suffering, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong. What a relief. Finally somebody told the truth. Suffering is part of life, and we don’t...

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Megan Hart

Sometimes grief is a comfort we grant ourselves because it's less terrifying than trying for joy. Nobody wants to admit it. We'd all declare we want to be happy, if we could. So why, then, is pain the...

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E. Stanley Jones

A Johns Hopkins doctor says that 'we do not know why it is that the worriers die sooner than the non-worriers, but that is a fact.' But I, who am simple of mind, think I know we are inwardly constructed,...

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Diane Setterfield

He didn't know of course. Not really. And yet that was what he said, and I was soothed to hear it. For I knew what he meant. We all have our sorrows, and although the exact delineaments, weight, and dimensions...

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss