Henry Cloud quote

"When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it."

Henry Cloud

Born: 1956

Occupation: Clinical psychologist

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Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly....

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Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

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Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great...

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We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

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Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would...

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A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.

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The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!

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Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.

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When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility....

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Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.

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The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt...

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If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.

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Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.

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Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they...

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The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.

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Christianity is not about morality. It's about reality.

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The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.

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The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

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Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.

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Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.

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You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

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A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.

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The opposite of bad is not good.The opposite of bad is love

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In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.

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Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.

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The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.

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To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.

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The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.

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Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Be Hard on the issue, Soft on the person.

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Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.

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Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.

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Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.

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Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

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Good pain is pain in the service of a purpose. Bad pain is pain endured because we are resisting a needed growth step.

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When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.

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He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional...

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Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.

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Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people.

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When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You...

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss