Henry Cloud quote

"Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship."

Henry Cloud

Born: 1956

Occupation: Clinical psychologist

Comment

More quotes of Henry Cloud

Henry Cloud

Faith goes beyond reason. It goes beyond what you can see. But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Diligence is not easy, but we can't reach our goals without it.

Read more


Henry Cloud

A leader's responsibility is to cause a vision and mission to have tangible results in the real world.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The twin sister to autonomy and freedom is responsibility and accountability. You cannot have one with out the other. If someone is given an area of responsibility, not only must they be set free to do...

Read more


Henry Cloud

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

Read more


Henry Cloud

If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly....

Read more


Henry Cloud

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great...

Read more


Henry Cloud

We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would...

Read more


Henry Cloud

A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!

Read more


Henry Cloud

Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.

Read more


Henry Cloud

When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility....

Read more


Henry Cloud

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt...

Read more


Henry Cloud

If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.

Read more


Henry Cloud

One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they...

Read more


Henry Cloud

The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Christianity is not about morality. It's about reality.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.

Read more


Henry Cloud

You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

Read more


Henry Cloud

A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The opposite of bad is not good.The opposite of bad is love

Read more


Henry Cloud

In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.

Read more


Henry Cloud

To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Be Hard on the issue, Soft on the person.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.

Read more


Henry Cloud

There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone....

Read more


Henry Cloud

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Good pain is pain in the service of a purpose. Bad pain is pain endured because we are resisting a needed growth step.

Read more


Henry Cloud

When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.

Read more


Henry Cloud

He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional...

Read more


Henry Cloud

When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people.

Read more



Related quote

Elizabeth Gilbert

Problem is, you can’t accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re just lickin’ at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out...

Read more


Michael Parenti

The close relationship between politics and economics is neither neutral nor coincidental. Large governments evolve through history in order to protect large accumulations of property and wealth.

Read more


Esther Hicks

Trying to hold onto any relationship as it was, keeps you from the joyous adventure of what it can become.

Read more


Matthew Scully

Animals have this way of constantly confronting us with ultimate questions - about truth and falsehood, guilt and innocence, God and sanctity and the soul - forcing us to define ourselves and our relationship...

Read more


Caleb Followill

I had a long distance relationship going while we were writing the album so a lot of it is about that constant struggle— you look up at the moon and wonder if that person is looking at it too. I was...

Read more


Billy Corgan

I've always been spiritual but I've never had a proper context, and it took me awhile to find the proper context. It's hard to realize you can have any kind of relationship with God you want... and so...

Read more


Joel Osteen

I do think that religion has turned a lot of people off. Part of it is because it was all about the rules and was political. I think now people have a hunger for God, they want to have a relationship,...

Read more


Eliza Lynn Linton

I have never quite understood the relationship between beauty and weakness, womanly sweetness and womanly silliness; to my mind, indeed, that woman being the most beautiful who is the most capable, while...

Read more


Parker J. Palmer

In classical understanding, education is the attempt to "lead out" from within the self a core of wisdom that has the power to resist falsehood and live in the light of truth, not by external norms but...

Read more


Jenny McCarthy

I know children regress after vaccination because it happened to my own son. Why aren't there any tests out there on the safety of how vaccines are administered in the real world, six at a time? Why have...

Read more


Jennifer Aniston

I think it's important to have closure in any relationship that ends - from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it...

Read more


Richard Matheson

Not only did I rediscover every experience of my life, I had to live each unfulfilled desire as well—as though they’d been fulfilled. I saw that what transpires in the mind is just as real as any flesh...

Read more


Ashly Lorenzana

The end of a relationship is not always a failure. Sometimes all the love in the world is not enough to save something. In these cases, it is not a matter of fault from either person. Some things cannot...

Read more


Mary J. Blige

When someone comes up to me and says, 'Mary, you helped save my marriage', or, 'Mary, you helped me get out of this abusive relationship', I'm in it, really in their lives. And I'm so passionate about...

Read more


Bell Hooks

Loving friendships provide us with a space to experience the joy of community in a relationship where we learn to process all our issues, to cope with differences and conflict while staying connected.

Read more


John Lydon

A record company used to be a very good thing, but they ended up soul-destroyingly trapping people in the accounting department. And you couldn't get any further, and the heads of each department were...

Read more


Alfred Adler

The test of one's behavior pattern is their relationship to society, relationship to work and relationship to sex.

Read more


John Irving

The arrangements that couples make in order to maintain civility in the midst of their journey to divorce are often most elaborate when the professed top priority is to protect a child.

Read more


William J Doherty

Dr Sue Johnson is the most original contributor to couples therapy to come along in the last thirty years. This book will touch your heart, stimulate your mind and give you practical strategies for improving ...

Read more


John le Carre

Most of us live in a condition of secrecy: secret desires, secret appetites, secret hatreds and relationship with the institutions which is extremely intense and uncomfortable. These are, to me, a part...

Read more


Henry Cloud

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

Read more


“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss