Henry Cloud quote

"Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship."

Henry Cloud

Born: 1956

Occupation: Clinical psychologist

Comment

More quotes of Henry Cloud

Henry Cloud

Faith goes beyond reason. It goes beyond what you can see. But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Diligence is not easy, but we can't reach our goals without it.

Read more


Henry Cloud

A leader's responsibility is to cause a vision and mission to have tangible results in the real world.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The twin sister to autonomy and freedom is responsibility and accountability. You cannot have one with out the other. If someone is given an area of responsibility, not only must they be set free to do...

Read more


Henry Cloud

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

Read more


Henry Cloud

If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly....

Read more


Henry Cloud

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great...

Read more


Henry Cloud

We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would...

Read more


Henry Cloud

A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!

Read more


Henry Cloud

Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.

Read more


Henry Cloud

When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility....

Read more


Henry Cloud

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt...

Read more


Henry Cloud

If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.

Read more


Henry Cloud

One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they...

Read more


Henry Cloud

The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Christianity is not about morality. It's about reality.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.

Read more


Henry Cloud

You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

Read more


Henry Cloud

A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The opposite of bad is not good.The opposite of bad is love

Read more


Henry Cloud

In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.

Read more


Henry Cloud

To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.

Read more


Henry Cloud

The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Be Hard on the issue, Soft on the person.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.

Read more


Henry Cloud

There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone....

Read more


Henry Cloud

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Good pain is pain in the service of a purpose. Bad pain is pain endured because we are resisting a needed growth step.

Read more


Henry Cloud

When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.

Read more


Henry Cloud

He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional...

Read more


Henry Cloud

When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability...

Read more


Henry Cloud

Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.

Read more


Henry Cloud

Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people.

Read more



Related quote

Henry Cloud

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

Read more


Matt Groening

I like all of the early relationship strips that were collected in 'Love Is Hell,' where I pretended to be an expert in relationships and did comics like 'The Nine Types of Boyfriends,' 'Sixteen Ways to...

Read more


Paulo Coelho

I love you', though, were three words she had often heard during her twenty-two years, and it seemed to her that they were now completely devoid of meaning, because they had never turned into anything...

Read more


Oscar Hammerstein II

There is a very real relationship, both quantitatively and qualitatively, between what you contribute and what you get out of this world.

Read more


Simone Elkeles

That’s not the only reason I’m stayin’, chica. I can’t leave you any more than I could walk out that door right now while my leg is busted up. I was just thinkin’ . . . should we tell your parents...

Read more


Breckin Meyer

I think it can be fun to be single and date like when you don't want a relationship. Or when you've just gotten out of a relationship, and, after get over the initial shock, you're thinking, hey, it's...

Read more


Rajneesh

The question of surrender is political, it is not a question of love. And relationship is not love at all; it means love has ended and relationship has begun. It begins very soon after the honeymoon -...

Read more


Jennifer Grant

The grief of losing my father has come in waves over the years, as it does with most people. His love and devotion as a father provided my closest, most intimate relationship. Dad, and our time together,...

Read more


David Deida

Every man knows that his highest purpose in life cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, disserves the universe,...

Read more


William J. Clinton

Our relationship would never vary from its allegiance to the shared values, the shared religious heritage, the shared democratic politics which have made the relationship between the United States and...

Read more


Freddie Mercury

I am a romantic, but I do put up a barrier around myself, so it is hard for people to get in and to know the real me. I fall in love much too quickly and that results in me getting badly hurt. The problem...

Read more


William Glasser

Every single major push in education has made it worse and right now it's really bad because everything we've done is de-humanizing education. It's destroying the possibility of the teacher and the student...

Read more


Adyashanti

The proof of the depth and embodiment of your realization will be seen in your love relationship. That's where the proof is in the pudding. If it all collapses in your relationship, you have some work...

Read more


Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse

No one owns you - no matter what the relationship. You are not here on this earth to fulfill the dreams, wants or wishes of a parent, a mate or a child. You are also not responsible to protect any other...

Read more


Rajneesh

The word relationship is beautiful. The original meaning of the root from which the word to relate comes is exactly the same as to respond. Relationship comes from that word respond. If you have any image...

Read more


Rajneesh

But people find it very difficult to be a loving person, so they create a relationship - and befool that way that 'Now I am a loving person because I am in a relationship.' And the relationship may be...

Read more


William P. Young

Once you have hierarchy you need rules to protect and administer it, and then you need law and the enforcement of the rules, and you end up with some kind of chain of command or system of order that destroys...

Read more


Noam Chomsky

It’s pretty ironic that the so-called ‘least advanced’ people are the ones taking the lead in trying to protect all of us, while the richest and most powerful among us are the ones who are trying...

Read more


Greg Behrendt

One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when...

Read more


Paul Broun

One such troubling provision is a tax increase to pay for the $635 billion included in the budget for health care 'reserve funds.' Health care reform is desperately needed in America, but I'm concerned...

Read more


Rajneesh

If he loves, he wants to make a relationship out of it immediately! He wants to get married. He wants to create a certain conditioning. He wants to make it a contract. Or he enters a church, or he enters...

Read more


“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss