Henry Cloud quote

"Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change."

Henry Cloud

Born: 1956

Occupation: Clinical psychologist

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More quotes of Henry Cloud

Henry Cloud

Faith goes beyond reason. It goes beyond what you can see. But it is as real as anything you can touch or feel.

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Henry Cloud

Diligence is not easy, but we can't reach our goals without it.

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Henry Cloud

A leader's responsibility is to cause a vision and mission to have tangible results in the real world.

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Henry Cloud

The twin sister to autonomy and freedom is responsibility and accountability. You cannot have one with out the other. If someone is given an area of responsibility, not only must they be set free to do...

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Henry Cloud

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part...

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Henry Cloud

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly....

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Henry Cloud

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks...

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Henry Cloud

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

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Henry Cloud

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great...

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Henry Cloud

We all make mistakes, but the people who thrive from their mistakes are the successful ones.

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Henry Cloud

Grief is accepting the reality of what is. That is grief's job and purpose-to allow us to come to terms with the way things really are, so that we can move on. Grief is a gift of God. Without it, we would...

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Henry Cloud

A person who hasn't grieved a significant loss has unfinished business inside and can cause others great grief as a result.

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Henry Cloud

The sad thing is that many of us come to Christ because we are sinners, and then spend the rest of our lives trying to pretend that we are not!

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Henry Cloud

Leadership is not taken, it is given. People give leadership to those that they trust. They allow people that they trust to have influence over their lives.

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Henry Cloud

When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility....

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Henry Cloud

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You...

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Henry Cloud

Just as we leave the effects of our work behind in results, we leave the effects of our interactions with people in their hearts, minds, and souls.

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Henry Cloud

The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt...

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Henry Cloud

If people are really narcissistic or have a need to be seen as more than they really are, or to be admired as having it all together, then they cannot be followed and trusted by others.

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Henry Cloud

One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach...

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Henry Cloud

Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.

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Henry Cloud

Getting to the next level always requires ending something, leaving it behind, and moving on. Growth demands that we move on. Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they...

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Henry Cloud

The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.

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Henry Cloud

Christianity is not about morality. It's about reality.

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Henry Cloud

The mature person meets the demands of life, while the immature person demands that life meet her demands.

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Henry Cloud

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is a give and take. If you only see it as "Taking," you are not getting it.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.

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Henry Cloud

You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

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Henry Cloud

A good test of a relationship is how a person responds to the word 'no.' Love respects 'no,' control does not.

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Henry Cloud

The opposite of bad is not good.The opposite of bad is love

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Henry Cloud

In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: what you create and what you allow.

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Henry Cloud

Love can only exist where freedom and responsibility are operating.

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Henry Cloud

The amount of truth a relationship can handle is proportional to the amount of perceived love that's present.

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Henry Cloud

To get greater than 100% return on a growth step, give up defensiveness. Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships.

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Henry Cloud

The natural response to evaluation is to feel judged. We have to mature to a place where we respond to it with gratitude, and love feedback.

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Henry Cloud

Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

Be Hard on the issue, Soft on the person.

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Henry Cloud

Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.

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Henry Cloud

Things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.

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Henry Cloud

Encourage literally came from "in courage." The courage is put "into" you from outside. Our character and abilities grow through internalizing from others what we do not possess in ourselves.

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Henry Cloud

There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone....

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Henry Cloud

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

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Henry Cloud

Good pain is pain in the service of a purpose. Bad pain is pain endured because we are resisting a needed growth step.

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Henry Cloud

When you encourage someone, it literally changes their brain chemistry to be able to perform... sends fuel to the brain.

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Henry Cloud

He is the Truth, and He wants us to deal in truth with ourselves and our loved ones. We want the truth about you and your family to flood into and overrun the secrets that keep you in bondage to dysfunctional...

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Henry Cloud

When a child shuts down his painful emotional side, he also loses the ability to express his joyous side. Emotions are a whole. With anger comes the ability to express delight; with sadness comes the ability...

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Henry Cloud

Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.

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Henry Cloud

Dating is a place to practice how to relate to other people.

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Related quote

Henry Cloud

Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

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Henry Cloud

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

Read more


Steve Jurvetson

It is this breathtaking image [of] success that motivates us and motivates kids to follow and understand rocket science: to understand the importance of physics and math and, in many ways, to have that...

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Charles Stanley

One of Satan's most deceptive and powerful ways of defeating us is to get us to believe a lie. And the biggest lie is that there are no consequences to our own doing. Satan will give you whatever you ask...

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Rick Warren

Pain is the fuel of passion - it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don't normally possess.

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Tony Dungy

Pain prompts us to change behavior that is destructive to ourselves or to others. Pain can be a highly effective instructor.

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Fernando Pessoa

Lord, may the pain be ours, And the weakness that it brings, But at least give us the strength, Of not showing it to anyone!

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Pema Chodron

Someone needs to encourage us not to brush aside what we feel. Not to be ashamed of the love and grief that it arouses in us. Not to be afraid of pain. Someone needs to encourage us: that this soft spot...

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Peter Singer

The statement "I am in pain" may be one piece of evidence for the conclusion that the speaker is in pain, but it is not the only possible evidence, and since people sometimes tell lies, not even the best...

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Henry B. Eyring

The Lord doesn't put us through this test just to give us a test: He does it because the process will change us.

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Bill Gates

You know capitalism is this wonderful thing that motivates people, it causes wonderful inventions to be done. But in this area of diseases of the world at large, it's really let us down.

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Pope Francis

The confessional is not a torture chamber, but the place in which the Lord's mercy motivates us to do better.

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Matthew Fox

Beauty saves. Beauty heals. Beauty motivates. Beauty unites. Beauty returns us to our origins, and here lies the ultimate act of saving, of healing, of overcoming dualism.

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Jimmy Wales

I have always viewed the mission of Wikipedia to be much bigger than just creating a killer website. We're doing that of course, and having a lot of fun doing it, but a big part of what motivates us is...

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Alan Brennert

God didn't give man wings; He gave him the brains and the spirit to give himself wings. Just as He gave us the capacity to laugh when we hurt, or to struggle on when we feel like giving up. I've come to...

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Tim LaHaye

Bible prophecy helps us to better understand the future and realize the urgent need to spread the Gospel. It motivates us to personal purity and gives us hope in a hopeless age.

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M. Scott Peck

The quickest way to change your attitude toward pain is to accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth.

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Bill Drayton

The most critical variable [to becoming a change-maker] is one's willingness to give oneself permission. To break the mental chains that make us small because everyone tells us we cannot.

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Paulo Coelho

However difficult it may be to accept what happens to us, one must understand that moments such as this give us the possibility for radical change in our behavior.

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Caroline Myss

None of us needs instruction in how to recognize what your heart is saying. We do need guidance, however, on how to have the courage to follow those feelings, since they will force us to change our lives...

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Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Contrary to what most of us believe, happiness does not simply happen to us. It's something that we make happen, and it results from doing our best. Feeling fulfilled when we live up to our potentialities...

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss