Zach Braff quote

"One time a reporter asked me what my worst quality was. I looked him in the eyes then punched him in the face. I kind of felt bad about it later, but he didn't need to be rude."

Zach Braff

Born: April 6, 1975

Occupation: Actor

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More quotes of Zach Braff

Zach Braff

I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.

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Zach Braff

I'm by no means condemning prescription medicine for mental health. I've seen it save a lot of people's lives.

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Zach Braff

Ever since I was little it was programmed into me that London is where great theatre occurs and all the big shows you love start there.

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Zach Braff

Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with.

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Zach Braff

I went to film school and wanted to learn everything there was about making movies.

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Zach Braff

I am really driven, but my drive doesn't effect the conversations I have in my head about life, and my worries and fears and insecurities.

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Zach Braff

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.

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Zach Braff

Im just not really attracted to black chicks.

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Zach Braff

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

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Zach Braff

Is 'Garden State' the next 'Citizen Kane'? Of course not. I'd like to think we aimed a little higher than that, frankly.

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Zach Braff

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me.

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Zach Braff

People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.

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Zach Braff

I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.

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Zach Braff

I don't like the idea of drama schools. They only perpetuate the myth that everyone can do what I do

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Zach Braff

I was stuck in traffic one day and just kinda thought it would be funny to masturbate. It was sunny and clear out, so I was worried one of the other drivers would see me, but my jeep is pretty high off...

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Zach Braff

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.

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Zach Braff

A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.

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Zach Braff

First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did it. It was so gross, though, it made her throw up, so...

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Zach Braff

A kid came up to me the other day and said, 'Hey, you're the guy on Scrubs!' Kid, I am Scrubs, and don't you forget it.

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Zach Braff

Best movie ever?! Come on, my appearance on Arrested Development had more dynamics, realism and feel to it than the whole trilogy combined.

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Zach Braff

When I first moved to L.A., I thought about turning gay. Then I realized none of the guys I was interested in was good enough for me.

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Zach Braff

If I could change anything about Garden State, it would be to cast somebody else for the female lead. Natalie just isn't really that good of an actress. Especially when compared to me. Just watch the two...

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Zach Braff

What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

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Zach Braff

Hitler was about population control.

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Zach Braff

I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morning. When he got to the ticket booth it turned out there...

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Zach Braff

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.

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Zach Braff

It's not that I think the Nazis were right, or anything. It's just that, we weren't there, we don't know.

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Zach Braff

I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?

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Zach Braff

I think slavery was an awful, awful period in our history, but when I look at what's become of black culture since emancipation, I think you have to admit, maybe the Confederacy was on to something

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Zach Braff

If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.

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Zach Braff

For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?

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Zach Braff

I never go looking for child pornography, but I mean, if somebody sends me an email with some pictures, I'm not going to turn around and report them.

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Zach Braff

I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday,...

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Zach Braff

That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.

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Zach Braff

My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.

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Zach Braff

I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.

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Zach Braff

You always see actors complaining about being typecast and ruining their career. Really, I don't see the point in complaining. If the only role you can play well is a black dude, you're never going to...

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Zach Braff

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

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Zach Braff

Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100 million dollars. Well where the hell did that go? For all I know every starving...

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Zach Braff

Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one.

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Zach Braff

Gay men in L.A. are all a bunch of tens looking for an eleven.

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Zach Braff

I stand stark naked in front of the mirror and gaze directly into my own eyes. I utter 'Good morning, handsome' and my lips quiver as I stare at myown body. I don't break eye contact until I blow my load....

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Zach Braff

I don't think that other races are inferior, I just think that there's something special about white people. Sometimes, when I think about all the things white people have accomplished throughout history,...

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Zach Braff

The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire.

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Zach Braff

I feel really bad for everyone who died on 9/11. Not just the people in the World Trade Center, Pentagon, or Flight 93, but all of the terrorists, too. 'Garden State' came out in 2004. That means none...

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Zach Braff

The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I know, the president of Make a Wish just used all the money to buy himself a mansion and a yacht....

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Zach Braff

Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early?

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Zach Braff

Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and I only had one quarter... Well I'd probably keep it actually.

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Zach Braff

I'm pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I've never seen it. Have you? I didn't think so.

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Zach Braff

I like to drop in on people who picked on me in high school or whatever, just out of the blue, and chat with them to see how they think of me now that I'm a big star. Usually they're a lot nicer. After...

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Zach Braff

I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know?

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Zach Braff

I mean, personally, I would have had no problem surviving. Come on, how hard is it to swim?

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Zach Braff

Working on 'Scrubs' made me feel guilty because I realized that if I had decided to become an actual doctor, instead of just playing one, I could probably have found a cure to cancer within five years.

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Zach Braff

I mean, I understand that because they're disadvantaged that they deserve their own parking spots, but do they have to make them so wide? I never understood how these people were allowed to drive cars...

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Zach Braff

Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.

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Zach Braff

Yeah, the gay pride movement is precious and all, but I think it's about time we asked ourselves what gay people really have to offer to society.

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Zach Braff

I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am.

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Zach Braff

Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matter how hard they try I will always be better than them.

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Zach Braff

I love signing autographs! Sometimes, when people ask me for one, I keep the photo for myself and frame it. It's a Win-Win situation really; I get an extra 25 dollars in my pocket AND another portrait...

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Zach Braff

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

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Zach Braff

Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?

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Zach Braff

It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It's like denying the cure for polio or something.

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Zach Braff

You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route,...

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Zach Braff

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.

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Zach Braff

Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that... that's something.

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Zach Braff

So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don't see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose...

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Zach Braff

I know the Bible isn't real because it never once mentions me.

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Zach Braff

Yeah, I've banged some female costars. I swore I'd never tell their names, so instead I'll present some anagrams: Sahar Clahke and Haether Gharam.

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Zach Braff

Yeah i thought about making the character of JD gay... But then i thought, but what about all the poor girls dreams you'll be crushing

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Zach Braff

I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I'm successful

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Zach Braff

I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own...

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Zach Braff

I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

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Zach Braff

I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours...

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Zach Braff

I mean, I understand that Scrubs was my big break, but sooner or later you have to move on. I've already directed a movie, which received very good reviews, so it just seems much more important to me now....

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Zach Braff

Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me

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Zach Braff

If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn't send me here just once.

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Zach Braff

I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?

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Zach Braff

I don't belive Oprah's sexual abuse stories, I mean who would take a black girl when there are plenty of white?

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Zach Braff

I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.

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Zach Braff

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

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Zach Braff

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.

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Zach Braff

I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.

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Zach Braff

Seriously, when's the last time you saw me wear shorts?

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Zach Braff

I mean, what's eleven million people now days?

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Zach Braff

Of course killing people is 'wrong', but I think history shows that sometimes it serves the greater good.

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Zach Braff

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.

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Zach Braff

Yeah i saw An Inconvenient Truth, and i dont want to say it was preachy but let's not kid ourselves, i've got far more important work to do

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Zach Braff

I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write.

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Zach Braff

I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm...

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Zach Braff

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

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Zach Braff

You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the special Olympics. Obviously I would win without contest, but the point is that...

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Zach Braff

Sometimes you just gotta use what God gave you to the best of your abilities.

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Zach Braff

It really is fascinating stuff, and I've picked it up on Scrubs. Memorizing lines is at least as hard as studying a text book, I mean, by this point I know about as much as most 'real' doctors.

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Zach Braff

I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive...

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Zach Braff

I was originally set to star in 'The Bourne Identity,' but I found it too difficult to even pretend to forget who I was.

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Zach Braff

Everyday I question myself. I look in the mirror, or read one of my scripts, or I reflect on my acting and I say to myself 'that was good...but was it Zach Braff good?' Lets just say things have been looking...

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Zach Braff

Hitler had the right idea. He was just an underachiever.

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Zach Braff

I'm not actually an arrogant guy. It's just that, truthfully, nobody else can really compare to me.

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Zach Braff

When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know,...

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Zach Braff

If you're dumb enough to volunteer for the army, I don't see why we're supposed to feel so bad when you get shot. I'm not saying we should throw a party or anything, but is it such a tragedy? If I'd gotten...

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Zach Braff

Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.

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Zach Braff

The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I'll tell you that much.

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Zach Braff

I certainly do not consider myself the next Jesus. I'd say he was more of a precursor to Zach Braff.

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Zach Braff

I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.

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Zach Braff

I've always preferred Marvel over DC. I just relate to their characters better. I mean look at Wolverine, at first he was just a bit player in an ensemble cast. Now he's the only reason people read X-Men....

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Zach Braff

It's really hard to find parts that challenge me as an actor these days. At this point in my career, I feel like I can just sleepwalk through most of my roles and still do a better job than 90 percent...

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Zach Braff

Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.

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Zach Braff

It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll...

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Zach Braff

People often ask me when there's going to be a Mrs. Zach Braff. It's a confusing question sometimes because many people don't realize that my mother is named Mrs. Zach Braff.

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Zach Braff

People compared Garden State to the Graduate, but when was the last time you saw Dustin Hoffman doing what I do?

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Zach Braff

I don't even like the show that much, I mean, it's about doctors. It's not like doctors are as important as actors anyway, I bet I've saved more lives with my acting talent then any doctor has.

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Zach Braff

People have always wondered what my opinion on Stevie Wonder is. I say if he's so great how come he can't see? I mean, God doesn't make mistakes, just look at me for example.

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Zach Braff

Actually, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror years ago. I wasn't making it to work on time.

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Zach Braff

Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.

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Zach Braff

Sure, it was terrible and all, but you have to ask yourself: If the whole city was flooded, why couldn't they just swim to safety?

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Zach Braff

Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows,...

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Zach Braff

Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.

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Zach Braff

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

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Zach Braff

I'd like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it's called. And that's only when I'm having an off day.

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Zach Braff

I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park...

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Zach Braff

I've always tried to learn from the greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... it's just that there's this tremendous pressure to correct all the things they got wrong.

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Zach Braff

To say I live a cursed life is an understatement. I have to get up every day and work with people who are not as successful as me nor will they ever be as successful as me. Nobody knows the struggles I...

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Zach Braff

I think we have to acknowledge that people are different and succeed at different things, first of all. Men are better than women at some professions like firefighting, construction work, and physics....

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Zach Braff

My dog has a cough. If you've never seen a dog with a cough, I recommend trying to find one. It's hilarious.

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Zach Braff

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

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Zach Braff

I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.

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Zach Braff

I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.

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Zach Braff

One time I considered making a video game about my life where people control a character called 'Zach Braff' and run around being awesome. Then I realized that getting to pretend to be me would be like...

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Zach Braff

My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in...

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Zach Braff

When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.

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Zach Braff

I was excited about The Dark Knight until Heath Ledger gave away the ending, Batman always wins.

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Zach Braff

Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.

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Zach Braff

Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I'd make a pretty good saint.

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Zach Braff

If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.

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Zach Braff

I really do take more vacations than the president. You can quote me on that.

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Zach Braff

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

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Zach Braff

I once looked in the mirror at myself and noticed that, without a doubt, I am a sexy man. In fact, I don't think I'll ever get married...it just wouldn't be fair for my spouse to catch me enjoying a look...

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Zach Braff

In my opinion, one of the biggest drawbacks about Sergio Leone films are the scores composed by Ennio Morricone. If [Leone] were as talented as I am, he would have made mixtapes for his movies instead...

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Zach Braff

Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on to something...

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Zach Braff

I never taught a blind/deaf chick to read, but somehow I've managed to turn Scrubs into a watchable show. That may not sound like much, but take a look at my surrounding cast and ask yourself, who's the...

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Zach Braff

If we've learned anything, it's that the combination of yellow smiley faces and blue polyester vests are irresistible to the inbred.

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Zach Braff

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.

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Zach Braff

I'd really like to give back to the world, but everything I've achieved, I've earned on my own, so what's the point?

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Zach Braff

Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I've never even released a CD.

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Zach Braff

The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when...

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Zach Braff

Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?

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Zach Braff

I'm grown ass man and grown ass men can do whatever they want, got it?

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Zach Braff

The Jews are just clumsy bakers.

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Zach Braff

The fact that 'Scrubs' is so popular in Israel is very important to me. I feel like I'm helping to cancel out the thousands of years of oppression the Jewish people have suffered.

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Zach Braff

I can't watch the news anymore. They have their priorities all out of whack. All I see is Natalee Holloway and Britney Spears and the war in Iraq. Where's the substantive news? Where's the Zach Braff coverage?

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Zach Braff

Sometimes Sarah [Chalke] starts to talk about Iraq or whatever and she gets all excited, like I actually give a crap what she's saying. Come on, she's a woman. But still, it's very cute.

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Zach Braff

I could see why someone would want to make a website about me, and my quotes. They are all gold. How many people have written, directed AND starred in their own movies. I just don't know why they would...

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Zach Braff

I've never had much sympathy for orphans, I mean, when I was their age I would have killed to have no parents to make me clean my room and stuff

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Zach Braff

Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?

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Zach Braff

Let's face it, it's only called Scrubs because I'm saving 'Zach Braff' for my autobiography.

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Zach Braff

People still make New Year's resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people...

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Zach Braff

Well, I'm not saying that America is a bad place or anything. I just think 9/11 needed to happen sooner or later.

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Zach Braff

You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve better.

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Zach Braff

Lots of people were giving me flak when I made the deal to do the very last season of Scrubs for $350,000 an episode. When really I'm the one that's being cheated, because the writer's strike is keeping...

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Zach Braff

So for front-runners we have a black and a woman. It's like being made to choose between syphilis or having and old man crap on your face. I would do the country a favor and run myself but I couldn't deprive...

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Zach Braff

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

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Zach Braff

I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when I kidnapped Bill Lawrence's daughter, I cut off all...

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Zach Braff

Turning water to wine? I mean c'mon, that's stupid. They should have let me write the bible.

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Zach Braff

I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?

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Zach Braff

I find it hard to believe that so many people doubt the existence of God. I mean, seriously, I'm here, so is it such a stretch to imagine that another all-powerful being could exist somewhere in the universe?

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Zach Braff

Probably the most memorable even of my life is when I was born. It really made me who I am. If I die, I hope to go out the same way I came in, but I don't think my mother would be into that.

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Zach Braff

I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter what I do or my lines are, I'm still Zach Braff,...

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Zach Braff

I wouldn't call myself a modern Shakespeare, but Shakespeare was probably to his generation what I am to mine.

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Zach Braff

It depresses me when people expect me to be like the characters I play on film. I'm not some whiny loser punk, I'm a man's man.

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Zach Braff

You don't need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads'll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I'll kill all of them.

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Zach Braff

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics...

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Zach Braff

I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.

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Zach Braff

Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'

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Zach Braff

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.

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Zach Braff

The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.

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Zach Braff

When I think about the holidays, I think about the Salvation Army guys ringing bells in front of stores. They're always so nice to you and they're always willing to give a heart to heart conversation....

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Zach Braff

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

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Zach Braff

I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.

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Zach Braff

People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.

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Zach Braff

I never looked at bread the same way again

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Zach Braff

When you win your first Grammy, it's true, you really want to thank all the little people.

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Zach Braff

I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.

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Zach Braff

You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.

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Zach Braff

My co-stars aren't bad actors, but they're no Zach Braff.

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Zach Braff

When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.

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Zach Braff

Without me, Scrubs would be worse than the holocaust. But with me in it, it's turned into the lolocaust.

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Zach Braff

I never really understood all the hype, until I got one of my own.

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Zach Braff

It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading.

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Zach Braff

It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?

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Zach Braff

I mean, so what if it's a little dangerous? A one-armed kid is comedy gold.

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Zach Braff

My favorite meal? It has to be furburgers everyday in the morning.

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Zach Braff

I think they're bogus, honestly. How utter garbage like Crash and Million Dollar Baby can win best picture, where true works of art such as Garden State go untouched is beyond me. It just proves how close-minded...

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Zach Braff

After all meat is meat. I don't understand why so many people are bithing about it. It's very healthy and contains lots of vitamins

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Zach Braff

Now, I'm not going to be misquoted on this like I have numerous times before, so I'll be quite clear. I've never said hitler was my hero, just that if he had focused on more than one race he would have...

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Zach Braff

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

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Zach Braff

Well I don't like to think too far ahead because it scares me a little to think of what this world will come to after I'm gone, but I suppose life will have to go on, right? At least everyone will still...

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Zach Braff

Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.

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Zach Braff

I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me?

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Zach Braff

When you're the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there's no one to call you on it. On Garden State I did different lines on every take, just making crap up. And it was...

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Zach Braff

Actually when I gave out the script, I gave it with a CD of all the music I wanted to put in the movie, and again, we never thought we'd get all that music.

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Zach Braff

They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.

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Zach Braff

It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.

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Zach Braff

Eight gold medals? If I wanted I could make a movie about me winning nine gold medals. Now that's real power.

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Zach Braff

Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.

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Zach Braff

I didn't necessarily have a total idea when I was writing the movie of where everything was going. I just wanted to have really realistic dialogue and write like people I knew talked. I tried to keep it...

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Zach Braff

I'm always being told by directors that I add chemistry to scenes, so I mean how difficult could it be?

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Zach Braff

I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.

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Zach Braff

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.

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Zach Braff

Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.

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Zach Braff

I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.

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Zach Braff

Over half a century on and they're still complaining about it. Compare it to the fact that Garden State didn't win an Oscar and they seem a little petty if you ask me. I guess that just goes to show what...

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Zach Braff

It's trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture

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Zach Braff

I'm a big proponent of 'Don't Ask, Don't tell,' in fact, I enforce it strictly on all of my dates. First, I don't ask them for sex, and then I warn them not to tell anyone after I'm through.

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Zach Braff

I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.

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Zach Braff

There is one person I can think of better than me. And that's Zach Braff. What a cool guy.

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Zach Braff

At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent...

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Zach Braff

I think there are bound to be obstacles in any path to success. I mean, I'm Jewish, and there's nothing I can do about that. Instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself, I got over it and did...

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Zach Braff

One time this guy on the street wanted me to give him a medical opinion, because I'm a doctor on TV. I'm also a real doctor. But I'm also Zack Braff, so I kicked him in the groin.

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Zach Braff

The greatest charity you can contribute to is yourself. Instead of spending a dollar to help feed hungry children, why not spend that dollar on hair gel so you can get the perfect cowlick?

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Zach Braff

If John McCain were really a war hero he would've won Vietnam.

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Zach Braff

I mean, nobody's ever thrown a big rock at me or my friends, but we're all pretty tough guys and could probably handle it.

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Zach Braff

I was inspired by World Vision. It's almost like I sponsored (Donald) Faison and gave him an opportunity to do something with his life. What more would he want than to work with me?

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Zach Braff

I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help matters.

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Zach Braff

It's a give and take relationship with my fans. They give me love and adoration, and I take it from them.

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Zach Braff

I think sports are very beneficial in the fight against obesity. I remember playing little league - I was the best person on the pitch by a long shot. It was only last weekend actually, I think I have...

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Zach Braff

It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment

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Zach Braff

It was really starting to get pathetic, everyday they would come in looking for one thing or another. 'Zach, can you give me some acting tips?' 'Zach, will you let me blow you?' 'Can I have some cash?'...

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Zach Braff

Sure the jews killed jesus, but the guy was an awful carpenter

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Zach Braff

They say the number on rule in showbusiness is not to work with animals. I guess I'm above the rules because I put up with that for seven years.

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Zach Braff

I don't ask questions. I just figure the extra warm days are God's way of rewarding me for Garden State

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Zach Braff

Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight...

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Zach Braff

I just don't see how anyone can hate America. I mean, crap, I live there. What more do you need?

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Zach Braff

A lot of people say colonialism was 'evil' or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don't think it should be considered 'racist' to admit maybe ending apartheid...

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Zach Braff

I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.

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Zach Braff

Incognito mode? What do they have to hide? Zach Braff doesn't have anything to hide - Zach Braff lays it all out there for everybody to see. That is Zach Braff's secret to Zach Braff's success.

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Zach Braff

When you were a kid and the circus came to town it was awesome to see these little creatures, but these things go out of fashion, like polyester blazers with rolled up sleeves. We don't have to suffer...

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Zach Braff

Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you're racist

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Zach Braff

If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise,...

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Zach Braff

In April 1975 I was born and the Vietnam War ended. I could not let any American die in war before seeing an episode of Scrubs.

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Zach Braff

Have I ever had sex with a hooker? I'd like to answer that question with a question of my own. Can just anyone look up police records?

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Zach Braff

I wouldn't exactly call it 'Intelligent', but somebody has to be behind designing the human form other than just biological necessity. Why else would women have arms? Or feet? Or mouths?

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Zach Braff

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.

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Zach Braff

It's kind of ironic that my character is a doctor who acts very gay with his best friend. I don't see how gays could ever be doctors, they spend too much time whining about everything. Just get off your...

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Zach Braff

It's just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster!

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Zach Braff

Minutes to learn, a lifetime to master. People just don't understand that

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Zach Braff

I don't want to be one of those guys, but Snape DOES kill Dumbledore.

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Zach Braff

Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late.

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Zach Braff

I don't think it's a black and white issue. If a man's family is starving so to speak, I don't think I'll hold it against him for stealing a loaf of bread.

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Zach Braff

I could be one if I wanted to, I'm just way too overqualified for a job that simple.

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Zach Braff

One of the things I like about being a celebrity is that you can get away with murder. Not just metaphorically, literally. Remember that annoying blond dog reporter at E News used to talk smack about me?...

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Zach Braff

I think the Bible should be re-written for today's society. We can call it 'Scrubs.'

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Zach Braff

I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.

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Zach Braff

I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie.

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Zach Braff

They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?

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Zach Braff

I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?

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Zach Braff

Put God and me in a cage, what do you think who will win. God, because I created him.

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Zach Braff

If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!

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Zach Braff

Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.

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Zach Braff

The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

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Zach Braff

Yeah, I saw the guy running out of the building carrying a rifle, I just didn't say anything to the cops because I was so happy that I wasn't the one who got shot.

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Zach Braff

I can't say I agree with something that takes the focus away from me.

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Zach Braff

If global warming is such a bad thing, then why is it taking out all of mankind's competitors? It just seems to me that the less species are out there, killing all our Caribou, the better.

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Zach Braff

When I played the Shins, I changed someone's life. When I play Belle and Sebastian in a pivotal scene in my next movie...well, let's just say I made sure I that I can't be held legally responsible for...

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Zach Braff

I don't think restaurants should refuse to serve minority people. They are quite tasty when prepared correctly.

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Zach Braff

She can't say no if she's unconscious.

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Zach Braff

There's a lot of gray area in the law. Who can say, without a doubt, that I was in the wrong?

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Zach Braff

I find my movie props in my neighbors houses.

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Zach Braff

I don't think it's that bad, I mean, I love people following me around and helping me do stuff.

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Zach Braff

People are always saying bad things about them, but really they think they're just trying to clean up our planet. I'm not saying it's right but, you know, we could all benefit from following that example.

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Zach Braff

I've been doing som jogging at home recently and every time I try the distance I end up beating his time with like three or four seconds.

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Zach Braff

I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!

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Zach Braff

Yea, he's alright...but he's no Zach Braff.

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Zach Braff

Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.

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Zach Braff

I blame Walt Disney; well he has to find voice actors better than me somehow doesn't he?

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Zach Braff

People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous.

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Zach Braff

It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

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Zach Braff

I'm really not one to brag, but I think my job is one of the most important things someone can do with their life. I mean, it really gives people a chance to live outside their means through someone else's...

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Zach Braff

It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.

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Zach Braff

I really couldn't say how famous I really am, that's for the history books to decide. But I'll probably be pretty up there.

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Zach Braff

One time a reporter asked me what my worst quality was. I looked him in the eyes then punched him in the face. I kind of felt bad about it later, but he didn't need to be rude.

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Zach Braff

People always say The God Father is the #1 movie of all time. But ask yourself, did you see Zach Braff in it....No you didn't. So then by default it goes to Garden State..and if youwatch two episodes of...

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Zach Braff

People are always going to find fault with anything you do, any process that you're a part of. The creative process means taking risks, I've taken risks and I've made mistakes, but the bottom line is,...

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Zach Braff

I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

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Zach Braff

Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!

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Zach Braff

If I wasn't an actor? Hmm, I'd probably be a serial killer. I'm just so damn likeable, no one would ever suspect me.

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Zach Braff

When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with...

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Zach Braff

I really don't give a care, I'm going to live for ever

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Zach Braff

Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they're all hoping they might get to marry me someday. I hate to burst their bubble, but they should just give it up now. Zach Braff doesn't...

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Zach Braff

A child's death is really of less value than an adult's. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not much, and that's not even talking about, you know, pay-wise.

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Zach Braff

That cyclone in Burma? That was just me doing the dance to that annoying ass song...

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Zach Braff

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

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Zach Braff

The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

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Zach Braff

I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup.

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Zach Braff

Once both gay marriage and marijuana are finally legal, those of you against them are not invited to the really fun parties I'm gonna throw.

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Zach Braff

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

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One time a reporter asked me what my worst quality was. I looked him in the eyes then punched him in the face. I kind of felt bad about it later, but he didn't need to be rude.

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Did he show himself?” Nash asked, and I glanced to my right to see him staring at my father, as fascinated as I was. My dad nodded. “He was an arrogant little demon.” “So what happened?” I asked....

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We spoke about our dreams and how we always felt safe in them, no matter how bad everthing else seemed. He told me it was one of the best days of his life and then he took out his gun. A .22 rifle. And...

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He lifed his head and looked down at her seriously. "Could you," he began, then he had to clear his throat. "Could you learn to be fond of me?" he asked. "With enough time?" She looked at him in surprise....

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A second later, when he looked up at me, we were face to face, and again, even under these circumstances, I was struck by how good looking he was, in that accidental, doesn't-even-know-it kind of way....

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Cormac McCarthy

What is it? Nothing. I had a bad dream. What did you dream about? Nothing. Are you okay? No. He put his arms around him and held him. It's okay, he said. I was crying. But you didnt wake up. I'm sorry....

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Aldous Huxley

And along with indifference to space, there was an even more complete indifference to time. "There seems to be plenty of it", was all I would answer when the investigator asked me to say what I felt about...

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Patricia Briggs

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Stuff that. I'll write a doctoral thesis. Then I can go do what most of the other people with doctoral degrees in anthropology do." "What's that?" asked Calvin. "You don't need...

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Ray Lewis

Once again, God to all glory, because I didnt feel one thing. I didnt hurt it one time. I actually argued with my equipment staff to take it off half way through the game, because I thought I didnt need...

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Sarah MacLean

She looked up at him and said,"What did you say?" "You have beautiful eyes." "You told my father that he has beautiful eyes?" He smiled. "No. You distracted me. I told your father that, while I was very...

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I wondered what my father had looked like that day, how he had felt, marrying the lively and beautiful girl who was my mother. I wondered what his life was like now. Did he ever think of us? I wanted to...

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For a second, he was still, blinking. Then he shook off all the blankets and coats so that his arms were free and he wrapped them around me as tightly as he could. I felt him shuddering, shuddering against...

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He let out a sigh. With my head there against his chest, I could faintly make out the sound of his heart beating through his suit coat. It seemed to be rushing. His hand, gentle as ever, reached to cup...

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Christopher Pike

I turned to look into his face one last time. It was as if I could see the whole universe in his eyes. Maybe he was God, maybe he was simply enlightened. I didn't care right then, in that blessed moment,...

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Dimitri. I hadn't known he was here. His eyes were on me too,dark and endless. Only I couldn't read what he was feeling. His face betrayed nothing, but there was something in his eyes...something intense...

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George R. R. Martin

I buried him with mine own hands, in a place he showed me once when I was a squire at Storm’s End. No one shall ever find him there to disturb his rest.” He looked at Jaime defiantly. “I will defend...

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Jon Ronson

I heard a story about her once,' said James. 'She was interviewing a psychopath. She showed him a picture of a frightened face and asked him to identify the emotion. He said he didn't know what the emotion...

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Richelle Mead

She was right about something else too," Dimitri said after a long pause. My back was to him, but there was a strange quality to his voice that made me turn around. "What's that?" I asked. "That I do still...

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Michael J. Sullivan

I need your help.” Royce looked up as if his head weighed a hundred pounds, his eyes red, his face ashen. He waited. “One last job,” Hadrian told him, then added, “I promise.” “Is it dangerous?”...

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Stephenie Meyer

He leaned over to kiss the top of my head, and then groaned. I looked at him, puzzled. "You smell so good in the rain," he explained. "In a good way, or in a bad way?" I asked cautiously. He sighed. "Both,...

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His gaze burned into mine, like he could see past my eyes into parts of me no one had ever seen, and I knew I was seeing the same in him. No one else had ever seen him so vulnerable before, like if I pushed...

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss