Derek Landy quote

"You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.” “You wanted a weapon.” “It was a stick.” “It had a bow on it.” “It was a stick.” “I thought you liked the stick. You laughed."

Derek Landy

Born: October 23, 1974

Occupation: Author

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More quotes of Derek Landy

Derek Landy

It always surprised Valkyrie whenever she realized just how close the weird and the wonderful, and the fierce and the frightening, lived to the rest pf the non-magical, mortal world.

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Derek Landy

We don’t do what we do for the glory or the fame or the credit; we do it for the quiet satisfaction of making the world a better place, saving the lives of innocents, and being better than you are.

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Derek Landy

tanith: have you called the police? fergus: they, uh, they said theyd call by this afternoon. tanith: tell them not to bother... im his doctor. beryl: what kind of doctor dresses in brown leather? tanith:...

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Derek Landy

Are you sulking?” “Me? No. I don’t sulk.” “You sound like you’re sulking.” “I’m just waiting for the violent urges to subside.

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Derek Landy

Suddenly Saracen Rue looked old and tired, and Skulduggery Pleasant came into focus as what he really was – a genius, a killer, a tortured soul, and the only true dead man among them.

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Derek Landy

She turned to Skulduggery and held out her arms. “Come here, you.” He tilted his head. “My hugs are for special occasions only.” “Hug me.” “I prefer the old tradition.” “Hug.” “Would...

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Derek Landy

She wants to be polite and not hurt your feelings, so she's not going to laugh right now. But inside, inside she's laughing.

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Derek Landy

There's a clock on the wall. Press your hand against the face and turn it very slightly to the. Left. There'll be a click to tell you it's done." "Sounds easy enough." "Yes it does," said Sanguine. "Kiss...

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Derek Landy

Thank you,” Skulduggery said to her. “I fear he was about to start insulting me.” “I couldn’t let that happen,” she said. “Your ego is a fragile and delicate thing.” “You see? You understand...

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Derek Landy

Sanguine felt the ridiculous urge to reach out and poke him, just to see if he’d react, but he’d seen that kind of anger before. It was the quiet kind. The dangerous kind.

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Derek Landy

When I meet people, I no longer say "Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you." Now I say "Hi, I'm number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me.

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Derek Landy

China is the same age as I am, and even I have to admit that she wears it better!" He laughed, then stopped and peered at her. "Because I'm a skeleton" he explained.

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Derek Landy

She’s not… She’s not datin’ the skeleton, is she? How would that be even possible, let alone… nice? He’s got no skin, or lips, or… or nothin’.

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Derek Landy

Doesn't sunlight kill them? Doesn't it turn them to dust, or make them burst into flames or something?" "Nope. Vampires tan, just like you and me. Well, just like you. I tend to bleach.

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Derek Landy

We live in a time of fear," Skulduggery said, "where we're too scared of upsetting the status quo to ask the questions we need to be asking.

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Derek Landy

A living skeleton isn't enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?

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Derek Landy

I don’t want a perfectly safe weapon. I want a dangerous weapon that hurts people.” He took the stick from her, rapped it against her head. She howled and he nodded. “See? It hurts people.

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Derek Landy

This book is dedicated to you. Whether you are a Minion or a Skuttlebug or just, you know, a normal person, it’s because of you that I get to do what I love and laughingly call it work. I know some of...

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Derek Landy

Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.' And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight.

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Derek Landy

Oh my god you're thicker than you look

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Derek Landy

I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.

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Derek Landy

Don't be jealous of my genius.

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Derek Landy

Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful

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Derek Landy

Gordon Edgley's sudden death came as a shock to everyone - not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book, And the Darkness...

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Derek Landy

I’m just waiting for the violent urges to subside.

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Derek Landy

Every solution to every problem is simple. It's the distance between the two where the mystery lies.

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Derek Landy

Embrace your inner lunatic.

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Derek Landy

Stephanie had no problem doing what she was told, just so long as she was given a good reason why she should.

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Derek Landy

I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.

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Derek Landy

Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of her father’s other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as he nodded sadly and spoke sombrely and pocketed the silverware when he thought...

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Derek Landy

Have you killed anyone?” she asked quickly. “What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder into an art form?” “But you haven’t actually killed anyone yet, have you? I read your file.”...

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Derek Landy

Scapegrace leaped up. “I am the Killer Supreme! I make murder into an art form!” Skulduggery hit him again and Scapegrace did a little twirl before falling.

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Derek Landy

It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, your beard’s stupid.” “Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of us getting along so well.

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Derek Landy

Do you think we’ll be waiting long?” Valkyrie asked, keeping her voice low. “The last time we were in this building, we accused the Grand Mage of being a traitor,” Skulduggery said. “Yes, I think...

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Derek Landy

Her father sagged as relief spread through him. “I thought something awful was happening.” She frowned. “Something awful was happening. It could have got stuck in my hair.

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Derek Landy

I need a weapon,” Valkyrie muttered. “You’re an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained in a variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world,” Skulduggery pointed out. “I’m...

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Derek Landy

Don’t kill me,” he sobbed as he lay there. “Oh God, please don’t kill me.” “If you had let me finish,” Skulduggery said, slightly annoyed, “you would have heard me say, ‘Come out, we’re...

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Derek Landy

I love stories with a happy ending,” Inspector Me said.

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Derek Landy

You think Bernadette Maguire killed him?” “Uh… no. She’s, like I said, she’s old.” “Old people can kill people too.” “I know, but…” “She could be a ninja.” “She’s not a ninja,...

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Derek Landy

Mum said earlier what a lovely dress you’re wearing.” Beryl’s eyebrows wriggled like two tiny tapeworms. “This?” she said. “But I’ve had this for years.” It was a beige dress that would...

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Derek Landy

Here she is,” her mum said, cooing at the baby, “my special girl.” “Oh, cheers,” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.

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Derek Landy

Valkyrie patted Fletcher’s arm. “Don’t worry,” she said. “If the bad man comes, I’ll protect you.” “If the bad man comes,” Fletcher responded, “I’ll bravely give out a high-pitched...

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Derek Landy

The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery. “What is it?” she whispered. “It’s a box,” he whispered back. “What kind of box?” “A wooden one.” She gave him...

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Derek Landy

This girl (Stephanie) is but a few months away from her seventeenth birthday and already she has saved the world and killed a god. What have you done?

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Derek Landy

We're not really intruding," he called down. "This is all a big misunderstanding." "Stop right there!" shouted one of them. Skulduggery held his hand to an ear he didn't have. "What's that?" "Stop!" "Keep...

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Derek Landy

You say one more thing that sounds like it's ripped from the pages of a really bad gothic romance and I'm out of here, are we clear?" - Valkyrie Cain

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Derek Landy

You need to find yourself a new hero." - Skulduggery Pleasant.

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Derek Landy

We punch people, Valkyrie. That’s who we are. Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.

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Derek Landy

I kill a sofa for you and you go and sit in a chair?” Skulduggery asked. “I don’t think you appreciate the sacrifice that has been made for you.

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Derek Landy

We don’t need a cure,” the other zombie said. “That’s right,” Scapegrace nodded. “We’re happy the way we are.” “Happy with the power,” Scapegrace clarified. “Very happy, just the...

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Derek Landy

I think zombies are kind of cute.” “Seriously?” “I may be thinking about bunnies. Which one has the fluffy little tail, zombies or bunnies?” “Bunnies.” “Then it’s bunnies I’m thinking...

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Derek Landy

skulduggery pleasant is the best book I've ever read and has enspired myself to become an author.

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Derek Landy

Desmond, don't poke the baby!'... 'I'll get you next time-' Don't threaten the baby either!'...

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Derek Landy

That's beautiful,' Valkyrie said, looking at it. Isn't it? This necklace has cost two very fine men their lives. At times, I wear it in tribute to their sacrifice. Other times, I wear it because it goes...

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Derek Landy

Enjoy that?' Tanith said with a little grin. Valkryie grinned back, her eyes bright. 'I keep telling Skulduggery he should get a bike.' What does he say?' He says people who wear leathers, like you, should...

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Derek Landy

He looked at her. 'In order to finish, I'll have to have defeated six Infected, Dusk, and Vengeous himself.' Yeah. So?' The Infected I can manage.' She frowned. 'And Vengeous? I mean, you can beat him,...

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Derek Landy

If things go wrong, I'll lead them away. Once it's clear, get back to the car. If you don't see me in five minutes, then I've probably died a very brave and heroic death. Oh and don't Oh, and don't touch...

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Derek Landy

Are you going to shoot me?' Vengeous sneered. 'I wouldn't be surprised. What would a thing like you know about honor? Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.' And only a moron would bring a...

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Derek Landy

Vengeous scowled. 'As you can see,' he said, 'you are vastly outnumbered.' I usually am.' Your situation has become quite untenable.' It usually does.' You are within moments of being swarmed by these...

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Derek Landy

We didn't die,' she said. Of course not. I'm too clever to die, and you're too pretty.' I am pretty,' Valkryie said, managing a grin.

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Derek Landy

So that plan worked out well.' Skulduggery, your entire plan consisted of, and I quote, "Let's get up close and then see what happens."' All the same,' he said, 'I think the whole thing worked out rather...

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Derek Landy

He looked at her. “We’re meant to be together…” “And this is exactly what I mean.” “Our love is written in the stars.” “And there you go again.” “I love you.” “You bore me.

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Derek Landy

It would be fun,” Skulduggery nodded. ”I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven't had a chance to do it nearly as much as I'd like.

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Derek Landy

Tanith has a sword.' said Valkyrie. 'I want a stick.' 'I'll get you a stick for Christmas

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Derek Landy

Guild doesn't like me." "That's true." "He doesn't like you, ether." "That is mystifying.

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Derek Landy

An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said. 'I could have tripped.' She stared at him. A moment dragged by. 'I'm joking,' he said at last. She relaxed. 'Really?' 'Absolutely. I would never have tripped....

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Derek Landy

She glared at him. 'I'm not weird like that. I'm good weird. I'm cool weird.' 'Yes,' he said doubtfully. 'Yes, you are.

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Derek Landy

Where are you going?" "Nowhere special. I just have some... things to do." "Why did you pause?' "I'm sorry?" "You paused. You have 'some... things to do.' "No reason, I just--" "You're up to something."...

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Derek Landy

You've been reading Gordan's book again, haven't you?" "It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride," she mumbled.

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Derek Landy

We're here on Sanctuary business," Skulduggery tried. The man on Deadfall's right bristled, and Deadfall grinned. "Hear that, Pete? They're with that Sanctuary." Hokum Pete snarled. "I hate the Sanctuary."...

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Derek Landy

They might be kittens," she said hopefully. "They're stalking us." "They might be shy." "I don't think it's kittens, Valkyrie." "Puppies, then?

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Derek Landy

The Torment turned his head to him, and frowned. "Who are you?" "I'm... sorry? It's me, it's Vaurien. Vaurien Scapegrace. I... built the cellar for you?" "Oh," the Torment said. "You. Why are you back?...

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Derek Landy

I used to be so good at that kind of thing," Skulduggery said quietly. "Well, my morale is certainly boosted," Valkyrie informed him. "Really?" "god no. That was terrible

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Derek Landy

I cannot have chaos erupting around me until I am prepared for it. I am a collector. I am an observer. I don't participate. My resources, and my standing, must be secure before I can allow the uncertainty...

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Derek Landy

What would killing the Elders result in?" "Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?

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Derek Landy

You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects?' He waved his hand. 'Oh, I was only joking about that. I don't really think you murdered...

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Derek Landy

You should have called us. Desmond would have picked you up.' 'No I wouldn't,' Valkyrie's dad said, stepping into earshot. 'Sorry, Fletcher, but I had important fatherly duties to take care of, which included...

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Derek Landy

You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I...' 'Don't?' 'Exactly,' he said happily.

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Derek Landy

Oh, China. How I have missed you.' 'And I have missed you, Eliza. But don't worry, next time my aim will be better.

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Derek Landy

I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.' 'My accent?' 'It is quite silly.' 'So you can't understand me?' 'Not a word.' 'Then how did you understand that?' 'I didn't.'...

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Derek Landy

He crouched at the car window and looked in. 'What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one.' His finger jabbed the glass. 'That one's a bit ugly.

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Derek Landy

So what does that actually mean?' 'To be honest, Ghastly, I haven't a bull's notion.' 'Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,' Tipstaff said. 'Of course,' Skulduggery said. 'To be honest,...

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Derek Landy

We can do this the easy way,' Oblivious snarled. 'Or the hard way.' 'What's the easy way?' 'You leave immediately.' 'And what's the hard way?' 'We make you leave.' Skulduggery's head tilted. 'What was...

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Derek Landy

I try not to underestimate my opponents, no matter how ridiculous their beards.

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Derek Landy

I love you.' 'Yeah, well...' 'You make my heart want to beat.' 'That's nice and creepy. But I'm with Fletcher.(...) Also, these proclamations of your undying love for me are getting kind of... it's a bit...

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Derek Landy

This isn't funny. She was almost killed.' 'I'm aware. You're waiting to see if I will get angry.' 'I already know you're angry. You're sitting very still and you're talking very quietly. You're getting...

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Derek Landy

I cross the place where my heart used to be and hope to be even deader than I am now.

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Derek Landy

I have sought you out to cure me.' 'To cure you of what?' 'Of this cursed affliction.' 'I cannot cure stupidity.' Scapegrace frowned.

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Derek Landy

You're bored, aren't you.' 'I need constant distraction. Shall we go?' 'Uh, aren't you supposed to delegate responsibility or something? If you're not here, who's in charge?' Skulduggery looked around...

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Derek Landy

You're in a bad mood,' Skulduggery said. 'I understand. I do. You're saying things that you don't really mean. It's OK.' 'I'll kill you both.' 'Hurtful things said in the heat of the moment. We're not...

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Derek Landy

I would love to have a battle of wits with you, Bison, but I doubt it would be a fair fight.' 'Shut your face.' 'Exactly my point.

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Derek Landy

So how are we going to get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our own?' 'No, we're going to find a way to let our friends in, and then we'll let them fight...

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Derek Landy

We may need to focus here.' 'Right. Yes. OK. Turn around.' 'Are you going to throw something at me?' 'What? No, I'm getting out of bed.

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Derek Landy

Life isn't fair,' Skulduggery said. 'In my experience, death isn't so different.

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Derek Landy

Just leave her alone. You're annoying her.' 'I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know how to be annoyed. She's, what, a week old?' 'She's three months.' 'She's three months in our years, but what is...

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Derek Landy

Valkyrie dialed Skulduggery's number and he picked up. 'Hey,' she said, 'It's me.' Skulduggery paused. 'No it's not. If it were me, then I'd be talking to myself, and I don't do that any more. I certainly...

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Derek Landy

You're late,' he said. 'I'm beautiful.' 'You're always beautiful.' 'I'm always late too.

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Derek Landy

By the way, all joking aside, do I call you Ghastly or Elder Bespoke?' 'You can call me whatever you like.' Vex nodded. 'Thank you, Gladys.

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Derek Landy

Do you think it would be quite so easy to kill them now that your weapon has been destroyed?' he sneered. 'No,' she said, frowning at him, 'Obviously not.

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Derek Landy

They faced each other. 'I'm going to enjoy this,'Melancholia said. 'I daresay I'm not.

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Derek Landy

Get away from my ex-girlfriend, you moany little whinge-bag.' Caelen took a deep breath, like he was in pain, and stood up. His voice was low, guttural. 'I was hoping I'd get the chance to kill you.' 'You...

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Derek Landy

Her parents wanted her to find her own way in life. That’s what they’d said countless times in the past. Of course, they’d been referring to school subjects and college applications and job prospects....

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Derek Landy

Every human being who has ever lived has the same potential in them for good and evil. Mortal or sorcerer, it doesn't matter. Power has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Mevolent. Serpine. Hitler....

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Derek Landy

I was wondering how you were going to punish me for not confiding in you. Punishment, actually, is something I've thought about for a long time. What form of punishment would be enough for what I did?...

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Derek Landy

There’s no such thing as winning or losing. There is won and there is lost, there is victory and defeat. There are absolutes. Everything in between is still left to fight for. Serpine will have won only...

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Derek Landy

If anyone stops us, as long as we mumble something pretentious about the glory of death, we should be fine.

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Derek Landy

And then the Necromancers pulled out their sub-atomic machine guns.

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Derek Landy

Very' is such a strong word...

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Derek Landy

You're not stealing anything, you're not breaking anything, so I'd guess you're Stephanie.

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Derek Landy

I woke up, a bag of bones. Literally. They had gathered up my bones and put them in a bag and thrown the bag into a river.

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Derek Landy

Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He's just finally caught up with where he's supposed to be.

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Derek Landy

That was a good day for me," Skulduggery said. "I didn't have to hit anyone. I didn't have to shoot anyone. I just sat around and talked to my good friend and partner, Valkyrie Cain.

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Derek Landy

With his sunglasses gone and his scarf hanging down, there was no denying that he had no flesh, he had no skin, he had no eyes and he had no face. All he had was a skull for a head.

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Derek Landy

We're not robbing him," Skulduggery said." But I'm afraid I have some bad news." "Is it Deacon?" Francine asked, her eyes wide. "It is." "Is he sick?" "It's a little worse than that." She gasped. "He's...

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Derek Landy

Corrival looked around. 'So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.' 'Me?' Ravel asked. 'Why do I have to start it? You're...

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Derek Landy

But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.

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Derek Landy

She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties.

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Derek Landy

Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date....

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Derek Landy

I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword.

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Derek Landy

You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

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Derek Landy

I mean you ACRES of harm,' Dalrymple growled. 'Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTINENT of harm upon you before we are through.

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Derek Landy

Plans are invitation to disappointment.

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Derek Landy

He'd once known a man who said that life hinged on the moment, that everything changed in the blink of an eye. Tesseract knew the truth of that as well as anybody. It was in those moments that he struck,...

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Derek Landy

The problem with living so long is that we get used to it. We watch the mortals age and wither and die around us, watch the world change and decay...but no matter the hardship or the pain or the sorrow...

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Derek Landy

How have you been? You’re still as beautiful as ever.” “As are you, my dear. I love your shoes.” “Aren’t they delightful? I saw them and just had to have them. Their previous owner wasn’t...

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Derek Landy

You are a cynical man, Mr. Pleasant." "We live in cynical times, Miss Cain.

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Derek Landy

I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.

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Derek Landy

Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.

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Derek Landy

Talking about one's feelings defeats the purpose of having those feelings. Once you try to put the human experience into words, it becomes little more than a spectator sport. Everything must have a cause,...

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Derek Landy

Valkyrie walked to the back door, which hadn't been closed properly, shut it and locked it. There was now a baby in the house, after all. She couldn't take the chance that a wild animal might wander in...

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Derek Landy

That's ridiculous. The only point in having enemies is so you can defeat them, kill them, brush them aside." "Or give them a chance to redeem themselves.

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Derek Landy

The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.

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Derek Landy

He stepped closer to her. "Thank you for saving me," he said softly, and wrapped the bones of his arms around her. Valkyrie smiled and hugged him back.

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Derek Landy

Doors are for people with no imagination.

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Derek Landy

This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is." "Okay." Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?" "No, only joking. Do your worst.

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Derek Landy

The world is bigger than you know, and scarier than you might imagine. The only currency worth anything is being true to yourself, and the only goal worth seeking is finding out who you truly are.

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Derek Landy

Right, well, we've got to work out what we need. We've got to work out what we need, how we get it, and what we need to get to get what we need.

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Derek Landy

Wait, do they even know I'm coming with you?" "No. But they like surprises. Almost always.

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Derek Landy

The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car.

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Derek Landy

You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done.' --Skulduggery

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Derek Landy

We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant

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Derek Landy

Emergency Valve Regulators," she repeated. "So you do know what your doing? "Not really," he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because...

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Derek Landy

You look angry," he said. "You put me on hold." "For a very good reason." "You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.

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Derek Landy

You've done what?" "I know," he said. "You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me.

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Derek Landy

I should go in alone," Valkyrie said, speaking loudly to be heard. "If we both go in, it'll look to official." "So I'll just stay out here?" Skulduggery asked. "But what'll I do? There's no one to talk...

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Derek Landy

It's a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don't you think?" "It does much more that that," Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him. His eyes widened. "What wonder...

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Derek Landy

You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated." "I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for.

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Derek Landy

What?" she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. "See that?" "What, the snow?" "Beyond that." "More snow?" "Stop looking at the snow.

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Derek Landy

Can I ask you a question? You know with vampires and werewolves and goblins and things, is there any mythological creature that doesn't actually exist?" "Of course," he replied. "The unicorn and the leprechaun...

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Derek Landy

Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.

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Derek Landy

He could wear hats. He could wear an assortment of hats of different shapes and styles. Boater hats, cowboy hats, bowler hats. The list went on. Pork-pie hats, bucket hats, trillbies and panamas. Top hats,...

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Derek Landy

Sometimes it's not what you say, Valkyrie, it's just the fact that you're saying it.

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Derek Landy

I understand perfectly. Darquesse isn't a separate entity. She isn't another person. She's you. If you make the wrong choices, if you stop loving the people who love you, if you allow the world to twist...

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Derek Landy

Are you kidding? I jumped off a building -- of course I'm hurt.

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Derek Landy

What is it?' Stephanie whispered. 'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.' She looked at Skulduggery. 'You don't know what it is, do you?' 'I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now...

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Derek Landy

It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride.

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Derek Landy

Well, to put it delicately, she has the power to suck out people's brains.

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Derek Landy

Please forgive me," Pleasant said, then aimed the gun at the girl and pulled the trigger.

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Derek Landy

Well, for future reference, this is my serious face.

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Derek Landy

Then I reckon we got ourselves a good old-fashioned standoff." ... Nobody moved, or said anything, for the next few moments. "Old-fashioned standoffs are mighty borin

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Derek Landy

I'm sorry, I don't know what any of you want, or why guns and knives are being waved around, or why the girl has just been taken hostage, but everyone seems to be acting like having a TALKING SKELETON...

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Derek Landy

That's a shame. I'm sure somebody, somewhere, cares.

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Derek Landy

Clarabelle laughed like she'd just heard the funniest thing ever. "Of course you HOPE you won't die, Valkyrie! Who would HOPE to die? That's just SILLY! But you probably WILL die, that's what I'm saying....

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Derek Landy

The end is now the beginning....

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Derek Landy

It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows -

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Derek Landy

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.

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Derek Landy

Kindness suits you." "Really? I think I'm quite allergic to it.

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Derek Landy

Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed. "Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs." "Really?" "Oh, yes." She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?"...

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Derek Landy

Is he all scarred now? Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.

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Derek Landy

Are you hurt? Are you injured?" / "No, just a bruise or two. I'm fine, really. You don't have to worry about me." / "Stephanie, you jumped off a building." / "Yes, but the branches broke my fall. Every...

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Derek Landy

So he has no head' 'Thats usually what headless means' 'No head at all?' 'Your really not getting the whole headless thing are you?' 'Its just kind of silly even for us...

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Derek Landy

I'm fairly certain. I could be some ghastly hallucination, a figment of my own imagination

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Derek Landy

Are you taking my hat hostage?

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Derek Landy

You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.” “You wanted a weapon.” “It was a stick.” “It had a bow on it.” “It was a stick.” “I thought...

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Derek Landy

Valkyrie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your friend is most likely dead.” “Of course he’s dead. He’s a skeleton.

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Derek Landy

He does this on purpose," Stephanie's mother said as they sat in the car, seat belts on and ready to go. They watched him appear at the front door, shrug into his jacket, tuck in his shirt, go to step...

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Derek Landy

If there is one regret that I have had in my life, it is that I never fathered any children. There are times, when I look at what Fergus and Beryl have produced, when I consider myself fortunate, but there...

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Derek Landy

By the time they got to Denholm Street, day had been beaten back and the night was soaking through the city.

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Derek Landy

Dublin City was quiet when they reached the Waxwork Museum, as if it was holding its breath.

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Derek Landy

He is the best, in my whole life i have only read his books!!!!!!

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Derek Landy

He said a bad word. Do you want to know what it was? It started with F. It's not the one you're thinking of, though. To the other one. The one that ends with P. do you want to know what it was? It was...

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Derek Landy

Even as she'd been writing it, she wondered if she was using too many exclamation marks, but she was glad she left them in. Nothing says "all is good in the world" like exclamation marks, after all.

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Derek Landy

People!" she screamed. "There are people here! New people!

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Derek Landy

mostly we've had to found ways to amuse ourselves." "Really?" Valkyrie asked. "Like what?" Plight's smile faded. "Like human sacrifice." He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie cried...

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Derek Landy

I could've died because you had to tie your shoelace?

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Derek Landy

Is that it?” “No. That’s a wall.” “It could be disguised.” “You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?” “I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one.

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Derek Landy

Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.

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Derek Landy

Found something?” “No, sorry. I thought I had, but, no, it turned out to be, uh… more floor.

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Derek Landy

You’re seventeen. You’re supposed to be dealing with school and hormones and dim-witted parents. You’re supposed to be finding out who you are as a person.” “But I already know who I am,” Valkyrie...

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Derek Landy

I don’t need you sensitive, Skulduggery. I need you aloof and irresponsible and arrogant. That’s why I love you. That’s why I let you hang out with me.” “I’m truly blessed.” She grinned....

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Derek Landy

Tides do what tides do–they turn.

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Derek Landy

Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eighth or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise you know? 'oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought

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Derek Landy

It's really not as bad as it sounds. I was attacked by a shark once, back when I was alive. Well, not so much a shark as a rather large fish. And not so much attacked as looked at menacingly. But it had...

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Derek Landy

He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked. "That's it?" He looked up. "Sorry?"...

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Derek Landy

Come and have a go, if you think you're hard enough

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Derek Landy

Valkyrie: “You are such a moron.” Skulduggery: “Don't be jealous of my genius.

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Derek Landy

Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I’m ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of these are wholly accurate. I don’t have dragon wings, I don’t breathe...

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Derek Landy

Because I’m an English ninja,” Tanith replied. “We’re just like regular ninjas, except we wear leather and flirt more.

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Derek Landy

You have an amazing ability to depress me sometimes, you know that?" "I try my best.

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Derek Landy

She's you, without your conscience, or your feelings. She's you without your humanity." "You're saying she's a mood swing?" He shrugged. "Or maybe you're her mood swing." "Don't even joke about that.

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Derek Landy

The next time? Oh, my dear Eliza, you're not going to carry on with this, are you? The Faceless Ones had their chance. They returned and they were sent away again. It's time to move on. Time to take up...

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Derek Landy

Fletcher appeared beside her. He peered at the baby. "Can it do any tricks yet?" "I'm still working on it. Want to hold her?" "God, no," Fletcher said laughing. "I'd drop it." "It's not an it, it's my...

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Derek Landy

I'm sorry? No more smooches is worse than the world ending?

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Derek Landy

Clarabelle...Clarabelle... You worked as Kenspeckle Grouse's assistant, did you not?' 'One of the. He fired all the others.' 'But not you?' 'He fired me on the second day, but I kept coming in. I had nowhere...

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Derek Landy

The sparrow flies south for the winter.

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Derek Landy

Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.' 'Do we have the right plan?' 'Not yet.' 'Do we have any plan?' 'Not yet.

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Derek Landy

I am a rational man, but haven't you heard? i'm also insane. It gives me a unique perspective on things.

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Derek Landy

The Baron, unfortunately, turns it all the way up to eleven." "Seriously? Because, you know, that's one more evil

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Derek Landy

Annis had never been a people person, unless ‘people person’ was defined as a person who ate people.

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Derek Landy

This is stolen? We're in a stolen jet?" "Not stolen," said Donegan Bane from the co-pilot's seat. "Almost stolen," Grascious corrected. "Semi-stolen," said Donegan. "Quasi stolen," said Grascious. Aurora's...

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Derek Landy

Ladies and gentleman," he said over the speakers, "welcome aboard this recently liberated Gulfstream V. If I could have your attention for just a few moments, I'd like to go over the safety features of...

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Derek Landy

Sanguine chuckled. "I like you, boy. You got optimism in these bones. I like you so much that I ain't gonna tell you what I did to poor old Jethro, the first Jethro, may he rest in peace, may they someday...

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Derek Landy

You said I was your number-one pick." "And you are. In our hearts. Alphabetically, though, Dusk comes before you.

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Derek Landy

While my insides may be rotten, I still like a good reason to kill someone. It has to be either business, personal, or out of sheer boredom.

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Derek Landy

The calm before the storm

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Derek Landy

Cheer up everyone," he said, a new brightness to his voice. "Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?

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Derek Landy

I'm sophisticated, charming, suave, and debonair, Professor. But I have never claimed to be civilized.

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Related quote

Derek Landy

You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.” “You wanted a weapon.” “It was a stick.” “It had a bow on it.” “It was a stick.” “I thought...

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Claudia Gray

Vic nudged my elbow with his. "You and me are still friends, right? You guys get a joint custody in the divorce. Generous visitations rights." "Divorce?" Despite myself, I laughed. Only Vic could call...

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Tom Robbins

There is a sense in which a painted stick is a stick in bloom. This stick points to the hidden face of God. Sometimes it points to you.

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S. E. Hinton

You take up for your buddies, no matter what they do. When you're a gang, you stick up for the members. If you don't stick up for them, stick together, make like brothers, it isn't a gang anymore. It's...

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Milarepa

When you run after your thoughts, you are like a dog chasing a stick: every time a stick is thrown, you run after it. Instead, be like a lion who, rather than chasing after the stick, turns to face the...

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Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Work was like a stick. It had two ends. When you worked for the knowing you gave them quality; when you worked for a fool you simply gave him eyewash.

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Richelle Mead

Stick." I said in Russian. I had no clue what the word for stake was. I pointed at the silver ring I wore and made a slashing motion. "Stick. where?" He stared at me in utter confusion and then asked in...

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Susane Colasanti

Tell me about it. It’s so hard to deal with a single parent. They take out all their anxiety on you. It’s like, she’s so angry all the time. And I didn’t even do anything!” “That’s so wrong.”...

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Derek Landy

I need a weapon,” Valkyrie muttered. “You’re an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained in a variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world,” Skulduggery pointed out. “I’m...

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Harbhajan Singh Yogi

You should not say anything that you cannot put your totality behind. The total value of you is that whatever you say, you stick with it. When you don't stick with what you say, you have no value, and...

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Lora Leigh

That night we danced, I marked you as mine and I made it stick. There wasn’t a boy or a man on that lake that didn’t know who you belonged to, and the minute there was even a whiff one of them was...

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Joel Fuhrman

When people tell me they will give it a try, I say don’t bother, you have already decided to fail. It takes more than a try to quit addictions; it takes a commitment. A commitment is a promise that you...

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Lorrie Moore

For love to last, you had to have illusions or have no illusions at all. But you had to stick to one or the other. It was the switching back and forth that endangered things.

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Tim Burton

Stick Boy liked Match Girl, He liked her a lot. He liked her cute figure, he thought she was hot. But could a flame ever burn for a match and a stick? It did quite literally; he burned up quick.

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Rob Sheffield

When you stick a song on a tape, you set it free.

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Elizabeth Chandler

I felt mocked. "That's what I get for trusting you." He took a step back. "Excuse me! Trust doesn't mean you get the response you want from someone, but that you'll get an honest response, and that the...

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Khaled Hosseini

I wanted to tell them that, in Kabul, we snapped a tree branch and used it as a credit card. Hassan and I would take the wooden stick to the bread maker. He'd carve notches on our stick with his knife,...

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Rachel Caine

Claire was struggling through last summer’s diary volume when Myrnin popped in through the portal, wearing a big floppy black hat and a kind of crazy/stylish pimp coat that covered him from neck to ankles,...

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Ian Holloway

It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.

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Richard Hammond

You can stick a BMW badge on a dead cat - and people would still buy it.

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Ilona Andrews

When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out. I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit...

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“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

― Dr. Seuss